So I was recently asked this question by someone who always finds a way to intrigue me even when I don't want him to. I'm not gonna put my business in the street and put this person on blast but he knows who he is. So I respond, "I don't NEED a man, but I want one." He replied, "You are so spoiled, Why cant you just answer the question." At that very moment I looked at this person different. Not in a negative way, with more intrigue. Like I said in my perfect man box, I want a man who gives me what I want but can still put me in my place. This was a subtle example of that. I reply, "I know I'm spoiled and there's nothing wrong with that." And asked him since he's so smart then "what does he need a women for?"He replies, "I need a woman to experience love with." Damn! Why he had to try and be all deep with it. So now I'm sitting here thinking what I really need a man for. Here is what I came up with:
I too need a man to experience love with. I need a man to make me feel whole and complete my circle. By this I mean being able to stimulate my mind and body in a way that only a man can. I need a man to make me feel loved on an unprecedented level. Someone to share life's journeys with, both the triumphs and the struggles. I need a man to make life worth living, there is only so much the education and success can get you. I need a man so that I have a reason to smile even when life throws me curve balls. I need a man to really be me. We independent women tend to think we don't need a man, but having one defines who we really are. I need a man so that I can really know me.
Thanks for the inspiration (you know who you are)... I think I may re-work this a bit and turn it into a poem...
20 comments
YES! PREACH!
Not saying you're incomplete without a man... but you can have all the accolades, money, real estate, etc and still need that completeness only a man can provide :-) ya boy was on it!
See, this is exactly what I am talking about. You have to dig deep within that independant nature of yours and define the role which a man, can, will, and needs to play in your life. Because no matter what you get out of life, without love, it really isn't much. Love is the main definition.
I am proud of you, Eb. You are acting all grown up and ish on me. lol. I feel like a big brother who is watching his little sister take control of the situation.
I need a man to really be me. Props. Just as it takes a woman to make a man really feel like a man, I agree that it takes a man to make a woman really feel like a woman.
Good post, jacker. lol.
I need a man to change the battery in my smoke alarm. Even standing on my step ladder...I can't reach it!
I think it's a fair question, but I'd be leery of any man that says he needs a woman to "experience love with"...those are the guys that fall in love with a woman today and fall out of love with the quickness tomorrow.
They're really in love with idea of being in love only...doesn't matter who the woman is.
lmao @ diva & the battery. all my friends know i need someone who will argue with me. not just for the fun of it (because yes i do love to argue) but really has some opinions that he can back up and that may be different from mine. the banter gets me goin.
Hey EB!
Good post...
Well I know I desire a man. I was completely bewildered in wondering why I didn't have one..and what to do.
I am over that phase. I am content. I know God will give me the desires of my heart.
So, I am using this time for me. I have tons of things to work on, so why rush something, ya know.
I know in due time, it will be here and I will cherish it even more.
Patience is a virtue, and I am getting a healthy dose of it.
EB, what if it takes 2 years for you to get a man. Will you be okay with that?
it's nice that you actually reckognize that you do need a man for something other than a d%^k for emergency purposes only
i really can't add anything to this because what you said is right and what don said is definately right
i hate being at a loss for words
@op diva...one day you'll find that special someone who will change the batteries in your alarm anytime you need them changed
Good post Eb! I was thinking about this the other day because right now I only want one because everyone else has one.
I know I do my fair share of pushing men away but eventually I want a man--a good one. And in order to find that I have to make myself better...
Why is it that women are all the time trying to convince themselves that they don't need a man. Men know we need women. We just have a hard time figuring out which one we need. So instead of declaring you don't need a man just because some dude didn't treat you how you wanted to be treated, just say you didn't that particular man.
This was a good post...and i would have responded exactly like you "i don't need a man, but i want one..." Ahhhh, that's what independence will do for you...but we all know deep inside how it feels to be in a really good relationship, the completeness, hey we were after all made for each other...to be apart is unnatural, the finding and knowing that one, even if only for a fracture of a time, is worth it's weight in gold.
@Stacie- yeah.. I'm glad he made me actually think about it
@ Don.. you always talking about somebody jacking your post... just take it as flattery...lol
@OP- girl my smoke detector has been beeping for like 2 months now... I can reach it, just am too damn lazy to do it. and you straight called dude out... thanks for the different perspective. I thought he was being all deep but that could also be the case... and if not with him, definitely with a lot of other men.
@jameil - I too need that. I am always down for a good debate, and if he cant hold his own with me, that is a huge turn off.
@ticia - I am not looking for a man right now... if one finds me then so be it... but I am more so trying to get all my ducks in a row right now than be in a serious relationship. I am only 26 so I have plenty of time for all that. 2 years would actually be about right for me. Hopefully I will be on my way to being where I want to be careerwise and will be ready to share my world with my brother to the night
@JT - oh I'm not acting like the d&%k doesnt matter... that most definitely does... LOL.. but thats the flesh... it was refreshing to dig deep and find the spiritual and emotional reason I need a man
@lovely - it definitely starts with self
@jermel - we dont try to convince ourselves but a lot of people are pessimistic since you look at the statistics and 70% of african american women are single. I think we embrace our independance because there just arent enough "good" men to go around so that we have something just in case we never find that someone
@mizrep - what can I say... great minds think alike...LOL
I would love a man but I'm well aware I don't need one. The past year and 11 months has shown me that.
@ diva: ?????
You know, i think that was a good way of looking at the dynamics of a loving relationship.
I loved his reply, "I need a woman to experience love with."
that was some honesty for ya'...feels good when you are true to yourself and what it is YOU need..sometimes it takes a "certain someone" to wake up that sleeping part of you..nobody but nobody can make it out here alone.
@afro - I agree... he was trying to make me look deeper though, but what happened to you in the last 11 months?
@whozhe - Thanks
@if - I loved it too... made me sitback and say damn... that is what made me really look deeper into myself... I'm glad I asked
@ms.lady - Church, and I love that poem, and the way that Janet recited it in poetic justice. Her tone was so on point!
I'm not gone even sit up here and act like I don't need a man. I do! Like Jill Scott sang, "I need you." I can do all that ish by myself but I need a man.
One of the things that irks me the most is an indpendent woman who starts screaming she don't need a man because she got her own stuff. That usually tells me she equates a man with only being good for providing material things and therefore wouldn't appreciate the other things a real man would provide. At the same time I love when an indenpendent woman can still acknowledge she needs a man (just like every man needs a woman, and not just to give him kids or be some housewife or trophy) cause she knows what this relationship thing is really suppose to be all about! Good post, indeed!
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