What I need a man for?

So I was recently asked this question by someone who always finds a way to intrigue me even when I don't want him to. I'm not gonna put my business in the street and put this person on blast but he knows who he is. So I respond, "I don't NEED a man, but I want one." He replied, "You are so spoiled, Why cant you just answer the question." At that very moment I looked at this person different. Not in a negative way, with more intrigue. Like I said in my perfect man box, I want a man who gives me what I want but can still put me in my place. This was a subtle example of that. I reply, "I know I'm spoiled and there's nothing wrong with that." And asked him since he's so smart then "what does he need a women for?"He replies, "I need a woman to experience love with." Damn! Why he had to try and be all deep with it. So now I'm sitting here thinking what I really need a man for. Here is what I came up with:

I too need a man to experience love with. I need a man to make me feel whole and complete my circle. By this I mean being able to stimulate my mind and body in a way that only a man can. I need a man to make me feel loved on an unprecedented level. Someone to share life's journeys with, both the triumphs and the struggles. I need a man to make life worth living, there is only so much the education and success can get you. I need a man so that I have a reason to smile even when life throws me curve balls. I need a man to really be me. We independent women tend to think we don't need a man, but having one defines who we really are. I need a man so that I can really know me.

Thanks for the inspiration (you know who you are)... I think I may re-work this a bit and turn it into a poem...


Stacie von Kutieboots January 6, 2008 at 11:14 PM


Not saying you're incomplete without a man... but you can have all the accolades, money, real estate, etc and still need that completeness only a man can provide :-) ya boy was on it!

Don January 7, 2008 at 4:03 AM

See, this is exactly what I am talking about. You have to dig deep within that independant nature of yours and define the role which a man, can, will, and needs to play in your life. Because no matter what you get out of life, without love, it really isn't much. Love is the main definition.

I am proud of you, Eb. You are acting all grown up and ish on me. lol. I feel like a big brother who is watching his little sister take control of the situation.

I need a man to really be me. Props. Just as it takes a woman to make a man really feel like a man, I agree that it takes a man to make a woman really feel like a woman.

Good post, jacker. lol.

Opinionated Diva January 7, 2008 at 9:53 AM

I need a man to change the battery in my smoke alarm. Even standing on my step ladder...I can't reach it!

Opinionated Diva January 7, 2008 at 9:55 AM

I think it's a fair question, but I'd be leery of any man that says he needs a woman to "experience love with"...those are the guys that fall in love with a woman today and fall out of love with the quickness tomorrow.

They're really in love with idea of being in love only...doesn't matter who the woman is.

jameil1922 January 7, 2008 at 12:51 PM

lmao @ diva & the battery. all my friends know i need someone who will argue with me. not just for the fun of it (because yes i do love to argue) but really has some opinions that he can back up and that may be different from mine. the banter gets me goin.

Ticia January 7, 2008 at 1:02 PM

Hey EB!
Good post...

Well I know I desire a man. I was completely bewildered in wondering why I didn't have one..and what to do.

I am over that phase. I am content. I know God will give me the desires of my heart.

So, I am using this time for me. I have tons of things to work on, so why rush something, ya know.

I know in due time, it will be here and I will cherish it even more.

Patience is a virtue, and I am getting a healthy dose of it.

EB, what if it takes 2 years for you to get a man. Will you be okay with that?

James Tubman January 7, 2008 at 1:11 PM

it's nice that you actually reckognize that you do need a man for something other than a d%^k for emergency purposes only

i really can't add anything to this because what you said is right and what don said is definately right

i hate being at a loss for words

James Tubman January 7, 2008 at 1:13 PM

@op diva...one day you'll find that special someone who will change the batteries in your alarm anytime you need them changed

Ms. Lovely January 7, 2008 at 2:20 PM

Good post Eb! I was thinking about this the other day because right now I only want one because everyone else has one.

I know I do my fair share of pushing men away but eventually I want a man--a good one. And in order to find that I have to make myself better...

Jermel January 7, 2008 at 2:35 PM

Why is it that women are all the time trying to convince themselves that they don't need a man. Men know we need women. We just have a hard time figuring out which one we need. So instead of declaring you don't need a man just because some dude didn't treat you how you wanted to be treated, just say you didn't that particular man.

Mizrepresent January 7, 2008 at 3:15 PM

This was a good post...and i would have responded exactly like you "i don't need a man, but i want one..." Ahhhh, that's what independence will do for you...but we all know deep inside how it feels to be in a really good relationship, the completeness, hey we were after all made for each other...to be apart is unnatural, the finding and knowing that one, even if only for a fracture of a time, is worth it's weight in gold.

Eb the Celeb January 7, 2008 at 4:50 PM

@Stacie- yeah.. I'm glad he made me actually think about it

@ Don.. you always talking about somebody jacking your post... just take it as flattery...lol

@OP- girl my smoke detector has been beeping for like 2 months now... I can reach it, just am too damn lazy to do it. and you straight called dude out... thanks for the different perspective. I thought he was being all deep but that could also be the case... and if not with him, definitely with a lot of other men.

@jameil - I too need that. I am always down for a good debate, and if he cant hold his own with me, that is a huge turn off.

@ticia - I am not looking for a man right now... if one finds me then so be it... but I am more so trying to get all my ducks in a row right now than be in a serious relationship. I am only 26 so I have plenty of time for all that. 2 years would actually be about right for me. Hopefully I will be on my way to being where I want to be careerwise and will be ready to share my world with my brother to the night

@JT - oh I'm not acting like the d&%k doesnt matter... that most definitely does... LOL.. but thats the flesh... it was refreshing to dig deep and find the spiritual and emotional reason I need a man

@lovely - it definitely starts with self

@jermel - we dont try to convince ourselves but a lot of people are pessimistic since you look at the statistics and 70% of african american women are single. I think we embrace our independance because there just arent enough "good" men to go around so that we have something just in case we never find that someone

@mizrep - what can I say... great minds think alike...LOL

Afrodite January 7, 2008 at 5:59 PM

I would love a man but I'm well aware I don't need one. The past year and 11 months has shown me that.

WhozHe January 8, 2008 at 9:40 AM

You know, i think that was a good way of looking at the dynamics of a loving relationship.

if ~ever January 8, 2008 at 10:00 AM

I loved his reply, "I need a woman to experience love with."

Ms.Lady January 8, 2008 at 6:39 PM

that was some honesty for ya'...feels good when you are true to yourself and what it is YOU need..sometimes it takes a "certain someone" to wake up that sleeping part of you..nobody but nobody can make it out here alone.

Eb the Celeb January 9, 2008 at 8:54 AM

@afro - I agree... he was trying to make me look deeper though, but what happened to you in the last 11 months?

@whozhe - Thanks

@if - I loved it too... made me sitback and say damn... that is what made me really look deeper into myself... I'm glad I asked

@ms.lady - Church, and I love that poem, and the way that Janet recited it in poetic justice. Her tone was so on point!

Anonymous January 9, 2008 at 9:28 PM

I'm not gone even sit up here and act like I don't need a man. I do! Like Jill Scott sang, "I need you." I can do all that ish by myself but I need a man.

Jaesoreal January 12, 2008 at 12:46 PM

One of the things that irks me the most is an indpendent woman who starts screaming she don't need a man because she got her own stuff. That usually tells me she equates a man with only being good for providing material things and therefore wouldn't appreciate the other things a real man would provide. At the same time I love when an indenpendent woman can still acknowledge she needs a man (just like every man needs a woman, and not just to give him kids or be some housewife or trophy) cause she knows what this relationship thing is really suppose to be all about! Good post, indeed!

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