The Good D*CK debate continues...

So I know my posts have been a little left field lately but today its not my fault. Blame this one on Dappa. So he has a post on "his humble opinion" talking about the "Good Pussy/Good D*ck debate." Actually I could blame this all on Don since Dappa's inspiration came from his post, but anyway... here it is... EB the CELEB style!

In Dappa's post he states that a woman is selfish if she decides not to be with a good man just because he's not good in the bedroom. Dap, c'mon now... you cant be serious. I guess I'm selfish then. I believe that I don't have to settle for anything. If I want a man that can take care of me financially, has a good heart, a good job, and everything else in place, and cant satisfy me in all aspects of where and how I want a man to satisfy me, including sex, then I will let him mosey on down the road. I consider that chick that would stay with a man like that a gold digger. You might as well just have a sugar daddy. Sugar daddies are good men; just there to supply all your needs, but you know you don't want to sleep with them old geezers, and not even remotely attracted to them, but they are good men. So if I have to be selfish to want and only keep a man that is a good man AND can lay the pipe, than gosh darnit I'm selfish then. Add that to the RBW repertoire because I am claiming it and ain't changing it.

Dappa then posed this question, "Why would a woman in her right mind give up a good man for one simply because he can lay pipe?"

I don't think any woman in her right mind would give up a good man for a dude that can simply lay the pipe. Our point is that we don't have to settle for either, a good man OR one that can lay the pipe. If we do leave a good man and start messing with one that can lay the pipe that doesn't have everything else in order in his life, we're not planning on developing a relationship with this dude. We are just trying to catch up for all the bad sex we had while with the good dude in the interim while finding the man that possesses all the qualities we want.

People don't want to admit this but SEX is a big part of the success of a relationship. Dappa goes on to say that a man can be taught, so to give up on him because of that one thing is stupid and that we need to "stop thinking with our pussy, and think with our heads."

I don't mind teaching if you are dating someone. I think it takes a few tries anyway for a sexual chemistry to be developed because different people like different things and what may have drove the last chick crazy may do nothing for me. But we are not talking about that, we are talking about a man who no matter what he does just cannot satisfy you in the bedroom. This also does not only include those that are not packing as much. I've had a partner that had a monstrous package but didn't know what the hell to do with it, and didn't want to learn because he thought all he needed was a big package, and because he had one I should just take the dick and shut up. By now ya'll should know I ain't the type to shut up. So that didn't work out, even though outside the bedroom he was a good guy.Dappa goes on to say: "Ladies, its a learned skill which means he will LEARN how to screw correctly if you had some patience with him. This is why most good black men marry white or other women because they take the time to get it done to them the right way, then they also have the good man to go with it." Dappa, now you know damn well that is not the reason black men go to white women. Black men go to white women because white women suck dick!!! Point-BLANK-Period!!!

So here is where the double-standard comes in. What if a black woman is a good woman, but she doesn't want to give her man head. Now she is everything you want in a wife brothas, but she doesn't go down on you (therefore not everything you want in the bedroom), are you then selfish if you decide to let her go and start dating white women because of that one thing???

I THINK SO!!!

44 comments

Muze January 16, 2008 at 8:45 AM

woooow. this is a very interesting post. hmmm.

first, i am kinda on the fence with this one. my ex was one of those big package no skill dudes but we stayed together for six years, because, overall he was good to me. and dappa was right, he DID learn. however, even when he did learn, he wasn't as open, adventurous, or willing to do what it took to please me but still wanted to do it all the time. that got annoying. so, sometimes just teaching someone isn't enough. they have to have the DESIRE to truly meet you there. you know?

i say don't settle eb. cause when i finally got over that i met my current bf, who i assumed was going to be HORRIBLE in bed and this dude straight turned my butt out. lol. and he is a wonderful bf. so they ARE out there, and if you feel like you are settling, then it's not going to work anyway.

as far as the black men/white woman thing, i dunno. i think it's more than a oral sex issue. black men choose white women because they are easier to deal with all around AND they're willing to do whatever to keep him. that, or they're looking to get the ultimate 'prize', which is supposedly an 'exotic' woman. read: anything other than black.

sorry this was so long. can't wait to read the other posts.

Raspberry D'Lite January 16, 2008 at 9:10 AM

LOL

Interesting topic. Thanks for bringing up the issue of some men being boring or boorish in bed. A lot of men try to front like women have a lock on being prudish but in my experience there are a good number of men who don't care to try anything new to please their partner and are ok with a boring 2-position routine.

As far as the white women oral sex thing, I think that's overblown. I personally don't know any black women in my age group who don't give head. I agree with Muze that black men in long term relationships with white women (I'm not talking about the casual sex oh-they're-easy-down-for-whatever crowd) - they are probably focusing on a lot more overall qualities then sex. Head might help a woman get a man, but in no way is the only thing that keeps him.

I feel like being considerate and seeking growth in all areas of a relationship (including sex) are important. To me, if both parties are willing to be open to different things (as long as respect and love is involved) to please their partners sexually there will always be something missing overall.

Yes some women will ignore bad sex for a man with a good heart, but it's a sacrifice that she may always resent. And, I don't hear too much about men tolerating bad sex for the long term - that's an affair waiting to happen.

Seven January 16, 2008 at 9:21 AM

"In Dappa's post he states that a woman is selfish if she decides not to be with a good man just because he's not good in the bedroom. Dap, c'mon now... you cant be serious."

I haven't even started really reading but this had me laughing. Sorry buddy, you can be as sweet as you wanna but uh if you're not on the couch right, I will be a little upset. I can't do it. They way a dude slings and the way I throw it back at him, means alot

dejanae January 16, 2008 at 9:33 AM

Black men go to white women because white women suck dick!!! Point-BLANK-Period!!!
really now?lol

why settle for less if u can have it all?

but i get what ole boy is saying tho. Don't discount someone off jump. Give him an opportunity to 'improve'. Then if your still not satisfied, hand him his walkin papers

The Horny Bitch January 16, 2008 at 9:39 AM

If a guy have everything and can give me everything but he have a 3 inch dick there is NO WAY I can settle down with him.

Think it's difficult to get a 3 inch? I was an unlucky bitch cos I've seen a 3 inch! ARGH!!

Life can be so cruel!!

Mr. Jones January 16, 2008 at 9:48 AM

What if a black woman is a good woman, but she doesn't want to give her man head.

Wait one minute. What's this a la carte business? Sex with me is all or nothing. I get the booty with a side of head. It's a value meal of sorts.

Eb the Celeb January 16, 2008 at 9:50 AM

Mr. jones proves my point exactly!!!

Young woman on a journey January 16, 2008 at 10:48 AM

lmao. love mr. jones' response.

I totally agree with you on the post Eb.

And whoever said that teaching wasn't enough was damn right. someone can learn all they want to, but if they don't want to please you that badly, they'll still be bad.

And sex a la carte is so inappropriate....in so many ways.

dappa January 16, 2008 at 11:24 AM

Well thank you for the highlight EB! One thing I want to say first off is black women suck dick, period. My reason could be off a bit but your is WAY off lol. IF a black woman doesn't suck dick, a man usually will still stay but get his dick sucked somewhere else because her overall value is bigger than ust a dick sucking. Some will quit her but on average he gonan stay.

As for the settling comment, come on now. Lets just get right too it, what you and most ladies are saying is dick is more important than anything else a man has. That is a double standard because if a dude said head or pussy is THE most important thign a woman can do, women would come out trying to shout that dude down to kingdom come.

I stand by my statement, stop thinking with your pussy's like men need to stop thinking with their dicks. And I will say again to leave man soley for not producing in the bedroom is not you settlign its you being selfish. I am not talking about dudes with 3 in dicks. I am talking about average cats with average size, those dude can be corrected.

Are there guys out there with "everything" you want? maybe I don't know but usually those guys are married , about to be or not going to mess with any chick or banging all of them. And I will bet you out of most of those guys they had to learn how to f*ck. But these responses answers alot of questions for me about alot of topics i covered in the past.

By the way, nice post E, makes for great debate.

Divine Blackness January 16, 2008 at 11:33 AM

"I was an unlucky bitch cos I've seen a 3 inch! ARGH!!"

That's the worst thing I've ever heard. LOL, damn!!! Nothin' to say. Just readin' and laughin'. Carry on, folx. *sips tea*

James Tubman January 16, 2008 at 11:47 AM

divine you so silly

here we go again miss e

just when i think you've calmed down you go right through the roof with this one

you can get anything you want from any person you're with

i am a firm believer in that philosophy


i've seen relationships that were all messed up and yet they still found some way to make it work

if you have concerns about the guys size he can get an operation

why sacrifice something that's close to happiness just becasue someone doesn't meet your excessively long list of demands

dappa January 16, 2008 at 11:57 AM

question is answered, take a gander E

Eb the Celeb January 16, 2008 at 12:51 PM

@ dappa... lol... you know I got too much love for ya to let you go ranting off without putting in my $.02

@james - this aint my fault... Dappa started it... I had calmed down!...LOL!

But on the real we are not talking about the guys size...see thats all ya'll think about... its about being pleasured in the bedroom and size does not always matter like I eluded to having a mandingo that still aint no how to rock the boat

James Tubman January 16, 2008 at 1:43 PM

phhhewwwwww

right over your head

Skoolboi Krush January 16, 2008 at 2:04 PM

You mean that in 2008 there are still women who don't suck dick? Where are these dinosaurs?

Skinny Black Chick January 16, 2008 at 2:08 PM

Ok. I have to co-sign with Mr. Jones. All or nothing folks. If you're not comfortable enough with him to give him head, then you probably shouldn't be fuckin him at all.

That said, ummm, I'm selfish because I want to be sexually satisfied? I have to disagree. Dammit, if I want my mind stimulated, my soul nurtured, AND my back blown out, then that's just what I should have! That could just be ME, because we all have different values and priorities in looking for a mate. I admit that sex is high on my list, and I do not think I should be considered anymore selfish than a woman who thinks a man isn't smart enough or charming enough, or ambitious enough to be with her. I like what I like and I see no reason why I should not be able to have it. MINUS the classroom instruction on how to get me to orgasm...

Shai January 16, 2008 at 2:34 PM

"So here is where the double-standard comes in. What if a black woman is a good woman, but she doesn't want to give her man head. Now she is everything you want in a wife brothas, but she doesn't go down on you (therefore not everything you want in the bedroom), are you then selfish if you decide to let her go and start dating white women because of that one thing???"

Good questions. I know women who just don't do it. They cannot get with it and they are not able to. So Men you mean to tell me oral is that important?

Ticia January 16, 2008 at 2:41 PM

Hey EB - this is deep---

I don't know where to start... I will come back later and dive in!

Smarty Jones January 16, 2008 at 3:13 PM

Once again Eb, you know how to get a good one started.
OK, first off, why should we have to settle for bad sex? Don't we have enough areas in life where we are unfulfilled?
Keep in mind that if you settle for less you get exactly what you deserve and that's with everything.
Personally, I have taken a proactive approach. As far as I'm concerned, it's a race and you'd better hope like hell that I don't finish first. Cause if I do, to quote Bernie Mack, "You fresh outta fuckin' luck wit me!"
For real man. I have had a few bad experiences and I just got pissed off and took control of the situation.
I agree with Eb, it does take a few times. In fact, with me, you get three times. The first time could be a fluke, the second time you could have a lot on your mind but by the third time, you just can't screw and I don't have the patience.
And as far as teaching goes, I don't mind it, but he's got to be willing to learn. And there are still women who don't give head. I'm just saying, we exist.

clnmike January 16, 2008 at 4:49 PM

Lol you been serious with your post of late.

Now why are all these black women frontin like they do not do mic checks?

Stop that lie with the quickness.

There are various reasons why black men date white women and vice versa, oral skills access is not one of them.

But I understand the need for bedroom skills. Poor bedroom skilss will have me looking at the front door regardless of how aweet she is.

It is your duty to satsify your mate that goes for both men and women.

Don January 16, 2008 at 7:36 PM

Helluva post, eb. Both you and dappa.

With that said, you really do need to do sum about your nasty blog. lol. These comments damn near gave me a mental orgasm...

I have never thought about a white chick going down on me. Never. Then again, I have never thought about a black chick going down on me either. I've never thought about it, but I enjoy women who know what they are doing down there. I guess the same way women love men who know what they are doing.

I'm a freal like that. Sex is important in my relationships, friends, kicking its, and a female who let me hit it every now and then. I love good pussy. I like how it makes me feel.

dappa makes some good points. Everyone did, to be honest. In my longest long-term relationship (family), she may have went down on me about 5 times in 9 years. I may have given her oral sex maybe 20 times in 9 years.

I guess that's why she left me for a woman and I couldn't stop cheating on her. Another man couldn't have taken her from me, at least I don't think so. And the females on the side messed my head up (no pun intended) with the way they used their mouth to pull and tug on that thang for hours.

Don January 16, 2008 at 7:45 PM

dying laughing @ the horny chick's comments.

eclectik January 16, 2008 at 7:51 PM

Shiddddddddd

Lemme find a woman that's everything i want but dont give head

I'll just take her lipstick and draw a mowf on her hand or something cuz I'd be STRAIGHT!

e.

eclectik-relaxation.com

The Message board (Grown folk talk)

DollFace January 16, 2008 at 11:59 PM

Why is E so crazy?!
I believe sex is very important, so if your man isn't satisfying you, then he he probably shouldn't be your man. Who wants to be sexually frustrated?

As for tomorrow...I may not make girl. You gotta read my new blog...

If I change my mind, I will shoot you an email tomorrow afternoon after I've calmed down and have a fresh 'do.

Caesar Cannon January 17, 2008 at 3:30 AM

Sex is a very important part in any relationship. almost as important as the emotional connection. I say 'almost' because, as pointed out several times, there are guys that don't always pound the puss right, yet the relationship remains intact. When in a situation like this, I would have to agree that it is better to work with your partner and teach them what you like and how to please them properly (applicable to both male and female). If a woman isn't satisfied with the sex, she goes to find someone who can please her needs, yet wants to keep the partner that does emotionally care for her oh so much, that can be taken as selfish, especially if you haven't talked to your partner about it. the same for men. if your girl doesn't want to suck dick and you go and find another girl to do it without expressing it to your partner, that, as well, is selfish. If the relationship between the two of you who do have the emotional connection isn't open enough to talk about the sexual frustrations... then maybe you should just hop out of the bed until you are.

lmfao @ horny bitch and mr jones. that's absolutely wild. and I agree with mr. jones: all or nothing. if you not comfortable with eating me, yet you want me to eat you, we don't have an agreement.

The Star (P.H.I.L.A Period)

Rashan Jamal January 17, 2008 at 5:48 AM

Wow, I'm late.But let me add my two pennies...

I think, if its a real relationship, you got to communicate what you want sexually. If its just a jumpoff situation, then move on. I don't know too many women or men for that matter that wouldn't want to please their partner. Sometimes, they just have to be nudged towards doing it right.

"If you grown enough to be having sex, you should be grown enough to talk about it." - Some old woman

Rashan Jamal January 17, 2008 at 5:49 AM

Oh yeah, I see you rocking the mic in your picture. That's hot!

Homer is My Co-pilot January 17, 2008 at 11:58 AM

Am I the only one who has dealt with a black girl who didn't give head? Sure I missed it but that's not why we broke up. Other than that I agree with Dappa, it might not be selfish but it doesn't seem like a good reason to kick a good dude to the curb.

Sha Boogie January 17, 2008 at 2:17 PM

I second Rashan on the lateness, but I'm still gonna say my piece! Why on earth would I be with a man if I'm lusting after the next? You need to know how to satisfy ALL my needs, so my eyes don't wander to someone else for something that your lacking. Homer made reference to 'head', hell you might not have left your girl because of that, but I bet it had SOMETHING to do with it!! If I know thats something my man likes, guess what? I'm going to finesse it to death, so him eyes wont even wander on that front..lol

Eb the Celeb January 17, 2008 at 6:46 PM

@james - yup... that he can get an operation thing when right over my head... if that is what you were referring to... I dont want no man who had to get something surgically done to his ding dong...

@skoolboi - RIGHT HERE, "I have but I dont" can you dig it

@skinny - i think you meant to type I agree... and if so welcome to the club girl cuz I am selfish too according to Dappa

@smarty - us A&T chicks is some bad b*tches, and you a jones too... so you know we gotta be right...

@mike - i know that dick sucking aint the only reason... but I was trying to make a point... But your last line... puts in all into perspective... thats all I was trying to say... and I dont believe that is selfish at all... that is just knowing what fulfills you and not settling for anything less


But I do understand Dappa's point. You arent going to find that perfect mate so you have to pick your battles, some women will take the perfect man and live life not being sexually pleasured or result to masturbation, but that chick aint ME

@Don- my blog aint no nastier than yours... I learned it from you big blog brotha... and yup she left you because she only got it 20 times in 9 years... shit... I need at at least once a month... and that is if I'm being generous...LOL

@ Eklectik - I'm right here E... Call me ...LOL

@dollface - thanks for hitting me... see you tonight... we gotta get a pic to show how the blog fam comes together and does it big at the Teedra Moses concert

Caesar - you kill me how you be coming with such an indepth analysis and your only 18 years old... If I knew everything that you know when I was your age I would probably still be a virgin.

@Rashan - AMEN brotha - and yeah, I spit hot fire... remember that's what dylan said from making the band.. that mess was sooo funnny

@homer - nope... because plenty dealt with me that aint get none

@Sha - you aint late girl... the party dont stop on RBW... LOL

Don January 17, 2008 at 11:05 PM

Is that why your titty is sitting out there in yor new picture for all to see.

I agree about the oral. The next woman I fall in love with is going to stay getting her pussy sucked good.

My word.

Eb the Celeb January 18, 2008 at 12:19 AM

@Don - are you tempting me to give you the opportunity to make you fall in love with me...LOL

James Tubman January 18, 2008 at 11:29 AM

@don... why you had to say something man

don't make her take that down

that's a sexy ass pic son

James Tubman January 18, 2008 at 11:32 AM

"you can get anything you want from any person you're with"

this was my point

say as if this guy is a perfect gentleman

it's like magic whenever you're with him

you feel like a little girl

he treats you exactly like you want to be treated

but you found out he had a problemm in bed

you wouldn't try to help him out with that

Afrodite January 18, 2008 at 12:47 PM

Eb, these posts about sex are killing me.

Okay, I'm going to play along and pretend I've actually been having sex and haven't been in a _ month drought.

Sex is a big factor. I need good sex, if fact, I crave it and I'm not afraid to say so. So, bad sex is usually a deal breaker. However, if he can't lay pipe (hee!) but can do...other things, he'll probably get a pass and we'll work on his pipe-laying skills together.

TravelDiva January 18, 2008 at 3:26 PM

Interesting post. I agree wholeheartedly. I'm not looking for perfection, but the bedroom is a very real factor, especially in a long term relationship. I mean, are you supposed to live the rest of your life sexually unfilled? That is settling.

Mizrepresent January 18, 2008 at 4:33 PM

3 inches only works if you got a good mouth and a strong tongue, and even then...it might last forever. Just my 2 cents. Godzilla size, alien like can be big, but not all that pleasing, plunging is for toilets, have some finess and learn how to slow down...going fast doesn't mean it's good, it just means you are a sprinter.

MsPuddin January 18, 2008 at 6:20 PM

Great post eb, sorry I’m so late into this…

I agree, for me it is very important to have a great relationship inside the bedroom as well as out. I’m a very sexual person, often times in my life that has confused me to where I pick sex over other things. But now I’m ready for both and if I can’t have it, it’s not worth it…

Eb the Celeb January 18, 2008 at 7:15 PM

@james - you aint no good... but thanks for the compliment...

inreference to the next comment... of course I can work with him for a little bit but if it just aint working I aint gonna try to make it some forever ish when I know you cant satisfy me... there is a window of opportunity... but it aint that big

@mizrep - i am a sucka for a strong tongue... so if you cant rock the boat i can see me sticking around if you can get me to buss with your face between my legs instead of your manpart...lol

James Tubman January 18, 2008 at 7:16 PM

sorry

i forgot you already answered that question

it's not that i'm insecure

trust me size is not the problem at all for me

but i'm not giving anymore personal business out so peace

Lina Marie January 21, 2008 at 4:20 PM

LIKE ANYTHING YOU DO PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT....MAYBE GIVING THE MAN IF HE'S A REALLLLY GOOD MAN THE CHANCE TO LEARN TO PLEASE YOU AND WANT TO PLEASE YOU SEXUALLY..YOU MAY ACTUALLY FIND THAT MAKING LOVE IS MUCH BETTER THAN HAVING SEX..LADIES...

Empress January 23, 2008 at 1:35 PM

Good post...yall are funny!

But no matter how good sex is in the beginning, sex dies down..having the same ish for a long time no matter how good it feels starts to feel the same...after the sex fire begins to lose its flame you have to have other things to keep the flame burning it going such as a great friendship, etc etc..

good sex is GREAT in the beginning and a GREAT part of long term relationship but trust after the dust settles, there will be so much more you need than sex to keep you happy

so my verdict is, don't waste your time if you are just in it to have fun and get your back blown out, if it don't make your leg shake then forget about it.

BUT if you want something long term and you find a AMAZING guy with GOOD potential and he is great in every other area and needs a bit of working on in the bedroom area, give him a chance!

Reecie January 24, 2008 at 1:36 PM

I definitely feel where are you coming from, but sex is probably last on my list of important things when it comes to finding a good man. I wouldn't want to get with a teeny weeny or a quick shooter but other things are pretty negoitable.

I think you can teach a man how to work it out if you have the patience and confidence it takes.

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