Be Real!!!

Why is it so hard for men to be real with the opposite sex, that happen to be in the middle stages between platonic and monogamous. A friend of mine was stressed about this dude because she asked him if he was sleeping with anyone else and he said NO been then later found out otherwise. They didnt consider each other boyfriend or girlfriend but she just wanted to common courtesy to know if he was sexually being monogamous. Also it wasn't like he just slept with someone else, he has been sleeping with several other girls and had no intentions of her being his only late night rendezvous. Why couldn't he just say that to her from the beginning because now she calling me with her problems that I don't want to hear. Men, why cant ya'll be real when it comes to this kind of stuff? You saying that yes you are sleeping with other people isn't going to make us as women not sleep with you as well. If we want you to indulge in our juices, your going to, so just be real. I wrote a poem back in 2001 when I was going threw a similar situation with a cat in college. It had gotten a little deeper than just sex so it pissed me off because I was messing with other dudes so I really didn't care but dude was still lying all the time. I stopped messing with him just for that. Its just the damn principle. But anyway, wanna hear the poem... okay here it go:

Be Real

Be real...
You dont care how i feel
One day I'm the only girl you want to be with
Next day I found out the real deal

Be real...
You were the first to say "I love you"
I never asked for a relationship
Your respect for me is long overdue

Be real...
I was losing a game I didnt know I was playing
Excuse after excuse coming my way
Trying to explain but I aint hearing anything your saying

Be real...
Your starting to realize I was a keeper
The cards your playing now have changed
Once in control, now I'm the dealer

Be real...
That's not asking too much
I was there whenever you needed me
So I know I deserved your trust

Be real...
and maybe I'll give you a second chance
Or maybe I've got a new man
Keeping me so satisfied I wont give you a 2nd chance

Be real...
I know the player game is just a trend
But I'm not the type to jump up because your now ready to commit
So was it you who got played in the end?

Be real...
Everything's cool and I've had time to heal
I pray your more of a man from this situation
and I hope from now on you remember to
BE REAL!!!

Copyright © 2001 by Jonesin' Enterprises All rights reserved worldwide. No part of this may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without prior written permission.

29 comments

Rashan Jamal January 9, 2008 at 3:03 AM

Hypothetically, if a man told a woman she was one of many, she may stop having sex with him no matter what she says. Nobody wants to feel that they are not special. Then you have to have those conversations about who is better, freakier, etc. Its just easier to lie. Not that I have done that, of course.

Oh, and I wasn't dissing your homeboy... his patna, yes, but not T.

maverick January 9, 2008 at 3:25 AM

hmm..nice poem...well not telling the truth is the right thing to do at times..totally situational take for me..but then its human nature i believe..goes either ways :)

dejanae January 9, 2008 at 7:00 AM

there's a diference between ommission and lies
so if u wanna know and ask
it's only right to expect the damn truth
especially if there's no official relationship status
why cant grown folk just be honest about theirs?

clnmike January 9, 2008 at 8:22 AM

LOL, who you kidding?
Now yall ask for real but most women really cant handle it thus you have some cats who lie. Now if the relationship was not a boyfriend girlfriend thing than I would say she was out of pocket for asking.

Honesty is the best policy in a serious relationship.

F#%$ buddies do not get that privledge.

Eb the Celeb January 9, 2008 at 8:45 AM

@Rashan - I beg to differ. I think you just both have to state your intentions from the beginning. Most of us only want that physical relationship as well, cuz for the most part ya'll aint that deep for us to care for too much more unless your a desparate chick! I think if a chicks asks you if she's better than the other chicks that she's insecure. The only chicks shouldnt even ever come up... its just the gratification of knowing... We just want to know!

and you still my boy... even tho you took a couple stabs at my boy Terrence...LOL

@ Mav - true, most women cant handle the truth... but if you lie you have to be able to take on the consequences of that... beinh honest makes it so easy to be an ass because if she does start catching feelings getting jealous its all on her b/c she knew what the deal was

@Dejanae - thats my whole point exactly!!! Men cant handle it because they dont care to know if we are messing with someone else... it would mess up their whole psyche... they like to live in the fantasy world that they are the only one smashing... and since they cant handle the truth, they dont want to give us the truth

@Mike - more women can handle it than you think! I do have the prob with this homegirl though. She tries to lock a brother down too quick. She's asking this question within the first couple weeks. Its an unsaid rule when you start talking to someone that they are already messing with someone or at least sleeping with someone. They werent sitting around waiting for you. But thats just a complex she has, and if she wants to know, she has the right to.

Trecia January 9, 2008 at 9:59 AM

I often wonder the same thing... But you made real good points...I even had the dude admit he wants his cake and eat it too...In my opinion i'd just say some men can't stand strong women. As annoying as I can be I don't back down for a fight.. I rather he tell me his intentions and you know how some don't have the time to wait around...

Ticia January 9, 2008 at 10:23 AM

Great poem. I had a man like this..so dumb! I just wanted the truth.

I am so over men and the game....

clnmike January 9, 2008 at 10:30 AM

Sorry but from the discription of the scenario you gave your friend falls into the jumpoff catagory.

Jumpoffs do not have rights like that.

If she wanted honesty she should have established that from the door before they made it into the sack.

maverick January 9, 2008 at 10:34 AM

@eb...very true..if u lie..u face the consequences...thats y u shud lie with a smile...lol...nice post..btw i updated my blog :)

crystal January 9, 2008 at 10:37 AM

Men are just plain dumb. They feel like they have to lie. I don't and I'm upfront. My current love interest know when I'm seeing someone else because I tell him upfront. That's how I want him to treat me. He has dated another woman during our time together and all that I ask is for him to be honest. I ask him recently had he seen her and he admitted that she came by Christmas Eve. He was like damn you aren't tripping and was like duh idiot you told the truth. Boy I tell you children play games and adults keep it real.

Eb the Celeb January 9, 2008 at 10:39 AM

@trecia & ticia - women are naturally nosey... we just want to know whats going on.. why cant men understand that?

@mike - you dont have to apologize for your opinion... I know the chick is crazy... and I know she is the type of chick that you have to lie to... because yes there are some... but i was just saying in general its better to just be real

Eb the Celeb January 9, 2008 at 10:41 AM

Crystal - you hit the nail on the head... if you tell us the truth we have no reason to spazz... why dont they get that...ugh!!

Honey-Libra January 9, 2008 at 12:15 PM

I dont know why it's so HARD for men to be real not even real but just be honest or better yet act like they have real emotions LOL ok i'm getting carried away.

Ms. Behaving January 9, 2008 at 12:24 PM

Men know damn well that if they are totally upfront with us [and especially about sleeping with another woman] NO MATTER HOW SERIOUS OR NOT THE RELATIONSHIP, that they've killed their chance(s) of being able to "hit it" and they may have even opened a door for the next man too and we all know they can't deal with that shyt.

clnmike January 9, 2008 at 1:23 PM

Ms. Behaving

That is very true.

Ticia January 9, 2008 at 1:24 PM

EB, you have made me mad! Thinking abt the dumbness of MEN!

I just want a good man, LOL-- I am done thinking abt it!!

Skoolboi Krush January 9, 2008 at 2:40 PM

I have been pleasantly surprised at the response I've gotten from just being upfront and telling a woman how I really feel. I used to be that dude who would lie to kick it but that seemed to only work on chicks that I was just trying to sleep with. Any woman that was about something, didn't go for all that mess. Losing a chick from not being upfront is what made me change my ways. Experience is the best teacher.

Homer is My Co-pilot January 9, 2008 at 2:44 PM

Women have decided the answer before they ask the question. I've told the truth and been told I was lying, I've lied and they took it to the bank. You might as well tell the truth and if she gets mad tell her she should have not asked in the first place. Ignorance is bliss sometimes

MsPuddin January 9, 2008 at 4:18 PM

Niggas ain’t sh*t! Naw, but real talk that is hella selfish because what if she catch something because he want to be a “playa”?


@R Jamal- see yall just assume if you tell a woman she aint gonna wanna fck w you anymore. What if she a freak like that, you never know. At least give a woman the option..

Tenacious January 9, 2008 at 5:08 PM

lol...my best friend and I had this conversation yesterday...men are just greedy...not to mention some men put way too many women in the same box...I'm not going to fall out for dead if you're completely honest...I just wanna know geez!

@ EB

Girl your tag have gotten around like Tupac :)

James Tubman January 9, 2008 at 5:26 PM

i understand what your saying my dear but it seems to me that she wasn't very honest with her feelings either

if their relationship was just a fling why did she even want to know whether or not he was sleeping with somebody else

what was behind her words

getting back to your question

men lie because they don't want to be seen as a failure

when men tell the truth most of the time they get smashed for doing it and she holds it over his for head forever (this is with some women not all)

why would i bring that pain on myself

it's like the scene from baby boy when tyrese told her the truth because she kept asking

and what did she do, TRY TO WHIP HIS ASS

James Tubman January 9, 2008 at 5:31 PM

@mspuddin...HATE! HATE! HATE!

if you don't wanna catch something keep your legs closed

Eb the Celeb January 9, 2008 at 7:55 PM

@honey - your not getting carried away... that is right on!

@ms. B - exactly... they cant handle the truth and thus think we cant

@Skoolboi...can you say that louder... can you go to every male blog and post it.... hell can you post it as a testimony on your own blog so the men of the world can see the light

@Homer aka Dave - you are so right... tell her, and if she cant handle it its on her.. .this whole scenario is good for men too... this will let you know early on if the chick is crazy or not... so why not answer the question truthfully, it might save you some anguish in the long run

@mspudding - i think that was the whole point of my homegirl asking in the first place... with all the ish going around these days people should be super honest about how many partners they have at that moment... I think now that should just common sex etiquette so you can protect yourself from getting caught up

Thats all we are asking for... is the option to make our own decision based on the real situation!!!

@ Tenacious - i know right... women are multi-dimensional on so many levels, why do they try to act like we're all the same or that there are only 2 lanes in the way we will respond to things. As you can see here MEN, the dealings of a women are a 20 lane highway

@ james - she liked dude, and he knew it, so thats why she asked... she didnt consider him her boyfriend but she wanted to common courtesy to know if he was sleeping with only her. To reference Rashan, the crazy chick that she is she would have stopped messing with him, but a chick like me would have taken it for what is was... I think her problem is that she waits to late to ask... dont ask after you catching feelings... there is a small window of time where you can ask... you cant ask initially because you have to assume they are, but you cant wait to ask where if you dont get the answer you want that your crushed.

yes a lot of women do hold things over their head when they tell the truth but thats in relationships... if its just a jump-off situation there are no grounds for them to hold anything over your head... cuz ya'll have an agreement that there are no attachments... and that point right there justifies the scene in baby boy... they had too much going on, half way living with each other, kid and all, he was dead wrong for even dipping out on her... but thats why he was just a baby boy

and at your keep your leg closed comment... you know you dead wrong for that... you know its some nasty people out there... but just because we want to know dont me we have to stop getting our swerve on...

Raspberry January 10, 2008 at 7:26 AM

I wish we would stop hustlin backwards ladies...

jameil1922 January 10, 2008 at 7:46 AM

i mean really what do you expect when you're "in the middle stages between platonic and monogamous"? he owes you nothing, least of all the truth. if he hasn't made a commitment to you, you really have no right to expect anything from him. i don't like the emotional drama that is attached to that. tell the truth! that's fab! but know that i will truthfully be OUT!

James Tubman January 10, 2008 at 8:33 AM

your points are well taken

when you sleep around you have to accept the fact that their might be consequences

there are lots of safer ways to get fullfilment out of life other than "getting your swerve on"

i gotta admit

the swerve does have its benefits though

and on the baby boy point, this is why men don't tell women the truth

because most of them can't handle it

we don't want somebody's brother stalking us trying to snuff us out because we gave into a weakness

i'm not saying that i would do it

but if i did idon't know if i would tell

DiamondsR4eva January 10, 2008 at 12:34 PM

Communication from jump is key. In between platonic and monagamous? Welp monogamy shoulda been discussed in the platonic stage IMO

DollFace January 10, 2008 at 10:12 PM

I like this post. You are officially one of my new faves (putting me onto Teedra next week solidified that spot). But your pics on the side are of many of the things I love. I will returning to your blog!

spchrist January 15, 2008 at 11:56 AM

Unfortunately, your girl gave him the "out clause" with the "that happen to be in the middle stages between platonic and monogamous."

For a guy that doesn't care about a woman's feelings...that's like signing the franchise contract with the big signing bonus and no performance options.

If she wanted a serious relationship, she needs to state that from the jump and then see what he does.

If she didn't want a serious relationship, she got no right to complain now...he owes her nothing.

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