Fact or Fiction Friday

This week's fact or fiction is titled "Shomeyerd*ck"

Chilling at the typical happy hour around my way. Loving the live band, loving the vibe of all the old heads that are regulars in there (I secretly hope to be just like them when I am in my 60's and 70's) still sitting at the bar sipping on my kettle one cosmos. I love this spot, besides the fact that I know the bartenders and get wasted for free, I sit with the old cats that feed a young lady like me so much knowledge, listen to great music, and then its only a block from my house so I can get wasted and be in my bed within 5 minutes.

The best thing about this spot is I don't have to worry about a nig trying to holla at me. Me and my home girls can just sit and drink. Or so I thought. So this young dude walks in, who I don't know from around the way but have seen him on several occasions. He always trying to speak to me on the street and I don't do all the speaking mess if you standing on a corner, and tries to squeeze up to the bar right next to me. Mind you a stinky blind man was sitting next to me. For the life of me I couldn't understand how a blind drunk man was going to get home by himself. I mean your already visually challenged and then add liquor on top of that... I don't think that's a good look.

Anyway, so of course since young dude tries to holla at me every time he sees me on the street he was going to say something. "Don't I know you from somewhere? You look familiar?"

"Nah, you don't know me... but you do live on my block and try to holla at me every time I walk down the damn street."

"Oh yeah, I just be trying to say hi!"

"Uh-huh"

Then he orders an apple martini but doesn't want it in a martini glass. So I go "everyone already knows that you drinking a girlie drink, the mess is green no matter what kinda glass you have it it."

"Well I'm a smoker, not a drinker" and then smiles and has the most jacked up teeth I have ever seen. I'm not sure if he thought the phrase or the smile was going to get him cool points but he failed at both. Bartender tells me to stop being so mean, so I try to be nice. Ask him about his tattoos. I am big on tatts... He says he has 20.

I say, "All above your waste I hope... a man with tattoos below his waste is just gay."

"All except one," he says, "I got one on my dick."

"Shut the hell up," I say, "You do not have a tatt on your dick. Of what?"

"Lips" He says...

"That is so lame" I say... "I know your lying... your dick had to stay hard the whole time for it to even look right."

"You wanna see" he says. "I'll pull it out."

"Hell no I don't want to see ya dick"

Then I finished another drink... "Yeah show me it... I want to see this ish, pull ya pants down."

"I ain't gon pull my pants down at the bar.. but I got a pic of it in my phone."

Shows me the pic... of his raggedy lil dick... and NO it didn't have a tatt on it.

"I just wanted to show you my dick."

I almost slapped him.

Me and the girls continue to drink... even leave this spot and go to one that has a deejay a couple blocks away... we get in sexy mode and feel like dancing and the old skool band ain't giving us the beats that we need to shake a tailfeather.

After an hour of that I am beyond wasted...hell I was past wasted after drinking for 5 hours at the first spot for free. I get to this point where I am like "I need to go home now or there is going to be trouble." So I hit the street, the brisk air is just what I needed across my face. Uh-oh... I feel a drunk dial coming on. I call the ex... who I haven't talked to in months. Don't remember not one part of our conversation but I woke up the next morning with a picture message of his dick on my phone.

I guess it was show me your dick day in America. Didn't know it was a national holiday!

FACT OR FICTION?

43 comments

Evolution83 April 18, 2008 at 12:07 PM

Fact...that just sounds like something a raggedy negro would do. He probably thought if he could impress you, you might give him the business. LOL

Sean Stone April 18, 2008 at 12:20 PM

FACT. I was there with you in my mind throughout your experience. Stay away from the Kettle One Cosmos...

Mad love to you. Adding you to my blog fam.

= )

Pajnstl April 18, 2008 at 12:52 PM

FACT
... b/c without the drinks i would said showmeyerdick!! lol

anonymousnupe April 18, 2008 at 12:54 PM

Your yarn strikes me, again, as a mixture of fact and fiction. Parts read like exact recollections of events that occurred; other parts read like segments of a novel. I hope the test isn't to weed out which is which. And I'll be glad when you get some so you can get off this penis theme. I'm beginning to feel so, so objectified!

Eb the Celeb April 18, 2008 at 1:07 PM

@Nupe - I'll be glad too...lol

karrie b. April 18, 2008 at 1:18 PM

fact. only because i know niggas who like to pull their wankers out for no reason.

wtf is that tho? they're like monkeys.

-KB

Sass April 18, 2008 at 1:36 PM

lol i think its fact..and i also think its hilarious!! and i think every girl should implement a 'show me your dick" rule, it will make the elimination process a lot easier

Quick April 18, 2008 at 1:53 PM

i guess it's fact...i need to add this one to the calender- ha

allienicole April 18, 2008 at 1:59 PM

fact!!!

guilty myself of having multiple dicks in my phone hahahaha...hey its payback for being oogled errday!

Smarty Jones April 18, 2008 at 2:01 PM

ROTFLMAO!!! You are a FOOL! It's a fact and I'm gonna tell you why. Since I don't drink anymore, all my dumb ass decisions are made while I'm sober and I did the dial and checked my e-mail this morning and what do I see?
You guessed it! It's what I've been missing for the past few months of not talking to him.
So yes, it must be one of those home-made underground national holidays like 4/20.

K@LiENTe April 18, 2008 at 2:25 PM

I think fiction, and I'm with you EB i need it in my life right nah, i need to be put to bed for a change...lol

T.R.E.N.T. April 18, 2008 at 2:26 PM

lol... i believe that's 100% fact... guys do stupid things if they think they might be able to get some. lol, o well. funny stuff

ZACK April 18, 2008 at 3:18 PM

FACT! But it wasn't me this time. My cell phone is broken.

I'm sorry that some clown did that to you. Bogus!

Rich April 18, 2008 at 3:55 PM

fact. some dudes do stuff like that thinking it will get them some play. this cat who used to work in our company cafeteria got fired for showing quite a few chicks himself in the nude.

Thoughts of a Southern gal April 18, 2008 at 4:01 PM

Fact. LOL @ "his raggedy lil dick". Girl don't they be looking raggedy.

Just seen a pic of a penis on a cellphone couple of days ago.

The Jaded NYer April 18, 2008 at 4:02 PM

FACT- I could sooooo see that mess happening! HA!

G-Sweet April 18, 2008 at 4:04 PM

Lmao @ zack, "it wasn't me this time"...

And I'm gonna roll .wit the peanut gallery and say FACT!... the story is too visual...

And who keeps pics of their d*ck in their phone, straight up tho... what's that about?

FREEDOM April 18, 2008 at 5:02 PM

I think fiction. Because I know yA girls would not have let you walk home alone especially with that psycho dude living on your block!

FREEDOM April 18, 2008 at 5:16 PM

One more note. If you were not wasted then I think fact, but since you were wasted. I know your girls said "He!! to the No" to you walking home alone and young buck still lurking around out there somewhere.

Charizard April 18, 2008 at 5:54 PM

FACT...sounds really ture...eother that or its a mix fo the both...

Still_Pocahontaz April 18, 2008 at 7:20 PM

Ima say fact. Fact all the way up until he showed you the picture and you didnt slap him...I think you did slap him..LOL shiiid I would have kicked him or something!

E. Christian Wallace April 18, 2008 at 8:14 PM

I vote for fact..for some reason.

The F$%K it List April 18, 2008 at 9:21 PM

FACT~ Since you posted the pics of getting into sexy mood after a few drinks

Mizrepresent April 19, 2008 at 12:11 AM

Dang Eb, you always tricking us...i say fact, up until the part you walked home alone.

Epsilonicus April 19, 2008 at 12:55 AM

Im going to say fact. I have heard dudes do this too many times

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PRO April 19, 2008 at 9:11 AM

This was good. But, I'm going with FICTION. Drinking "for like five hours" was a dead give-away...

12kyle April 19, 2008 at 4:08 PM

Fact...sounds like something that a corny dude would do!

Miss Publicity April 19, 2008 at 5:41 PM

Hahahahah! Show me your penis day must be recognized nationwide. Def not a good look. Please pass along the memo. It wont make you drop the draws any faster than if the verbal game was up to par.

*MP*

brran1 April 19, 2008 at 6:14 PM

Eb this is too damn confusin. I'd just say fact. Lemme find out dude had the J. Holiday grill.

MsRoxy April 19, 2008 at 7:31 PM

Then I finished another drink... "Yeah show me it... I want to see this ish, pull ya pants down."
hahaha
Fact.
LMAO either way.

RealHustla April 19, 2008 at 7:54 PM

FACT. During my recent investigations, I've discovered that men really do like showing there ding-dings. They really do.

Lena April 20, 2008 at 4:42 PM

LOL! That is so crazy but not surprising now a days, especially not in NYC.

Ms. Behaving April 21, 2008 at 12:28 PM

I'm still stuck on the fact that this clown @ss dude had a pic of his d**k in his phone.

I heard of chicks keepin' d**k flicks but a dude?!?!?!

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