Thought to Ponder : Excerpt from Phenomenal Woman


Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
-Maya Angelou


I tried to show him... I was open, I was vulnerable, I was truthful about my feelings in a limited way that speaks volumes for a person like me. Like Ms. Angelou said, I still don't think he sees. But it did lead me to see something in him, that same fear, that same rock hard wall, was temporarily broken down, and because I let him in, he let me in. We both put a little crack in each other's wall after looking through a peep-hole for the past year. The next 2 months will either lead to a welcoming door being opened... or one slammed in our faces. For the first time in my life I am ready for either. I am ready for it working out, and I am ready if it is to be over and I move on, and that feels so good to for once not have your heart and mind at war.

24 comments

Lina December 4, 2008 at 9:00 AM

Well, amen. Sometimes its better to have to just be open to the possibility. And I think I know who youre talking about but I don't want to be wrong.

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts December 4, 2008 at 9:45 AM

That is a great place to be in my dear!!!

Andre December 4, 2008 at 9:56 AM

You gotta just chance it... I mean you gotta be willing to risk pain for pleasure...

Urban Thought December 4, 2008 at 10:08 AM

Sometimes I feel like people need prescription glasses to see folk that they are dealing with. And other times its just that people aren't educated in the way of thinking of others.

But after all that I say that the wall that we put up is what is the real issue. We aren't walking around with x-ray vision into one's soul. It all takes time to build that trust.

I like the fact that you've allowed this person in and they have reciprocated such.

It all takes time. Do you have patience?

nikki December 4, 2008 at 11:00 AM

that's a freeing thing, just letting the damn thing be.

Eb the Celeb December 4, 2008 at 11:05 AM

@Urban Thought - Ah... patience... no I have none... mainly because it takes me so long before I figure out that I want a person... so I just expect when I finally say that I am ready that they are suppose to be there waiting with open arms. This situation has truly been a challenge for me because I see so much of myself in him. If not for that I would have been done with it a long time ago, but he is the person I was 2 years ago. The situation has humbled me a lot because I finally got what I had been dishing out. So even if it doesn't work out, maybe, just maybe I will be nicer to guys after this since I see how my antics can drive someone crazy with how non-chalant I can be. With that said... I still don't think I could ever date another Taurus...lol

Thoughts of a Southern gal December 4, 2008 at 11:20 AM

That's a good feeling when you are ready for whatever outcome. Even if it's not the outcome you want.

Charles December 4, 2008 at 11:43 AM

It took that long to open yourselves up to each other like that? Was it stubbornness on either or both ends, unwillingness to fold, or the poker face game? Hopefully after this long and if you two do come out of it all together and in a better place than before, you will be more open with each other...cause two brick walls does nothing but equal a mighty cold room.

Eb the Celeb December 4, 2008 at 12:09 PM

@Charles - Its the Taurus way.. we dont open up... but when we do... we fall hard... so no I'm not worried about it continuing to be that way. Once we completely break down the wall it will be all good. I don't think its stubbornness at all but that we both are really guarded with out heart and who we allow to get that close to us.

My problem is I have never been in the situation where we were both this way. Usually the male is waiting on me to say yeah I want to be with you. So this has just been a challenge to say the least because he wasn't going to sweat me, he wasn't going to give me what I wanted whenever.

Skinny Black Girl December 4, 2008 at 12:23 PM

PREACH, GIRL, PREACH!!
*Skinny does the Holy Ghost dance and hopes she doesn't offend since she's not a Christian.

The biggest barrier in relationships is trust of self. As in, people don't trust their own strength to handle whatever the outcome is. We get so caught up in our fear of being hurt that we forget that we are only defeated when that fear makes us afraid to live.

Keep picking away at that wall, Eb!

damn she pretty (i) December 4, 2008 at 2:11 PM

Girl just make sure you don't tell how much of a freak in the bed you, are! *lmao*

it takes time. good to know that it's progressing.
dsp

clnmike December 4, 2008 at 3:33 PM

Sounds like two people scared to death of what the future holds to me.

Soulstress December 4, 2008 at 4:23 PM

Sounds beautiful..takin a chance...hope to get there one day.

Eb the Celeb December 4, 2008 at 6:48 PM

SBG - That 2nd second about our own strength... so on point

@DSP - hmm... who said I was a freak in bed...lol

@clnmike - In those words of Bone Crusher "I aint neva scared" lol

Hey Shae! December 4, 2008 at 8:47 PM

Don't you love it when the right doors open though? Or maybe they were always open and you finally figured out how to stop going through the wrong ones?

A.M. December 5, 2008 at 1:05 AM

Yay! Well I'm happy that you even have the option of a possiable relationship. Very nice that you all are BOTH opening up to each other.

Seven December 5, 2008 at 1:49 AM

what/who you talkin 'bout young lady...*hmpf*

YoungBlackBeauty December 5, 2008 at 2:59 PM

Im horribly with relationship advice but at least your finding some peace in the situation. which is always a good thing. Imma just co-sign and be on my merry way. Don't say I didn't come by! :)

Krystle

Beautifully.Conjured.Up December 5, 2008 at 5:47 PM

You did what you could do...if he doesn't get it, forget him and move on.

MysTery December 5, 2008 at 6:14 PM

Looooong time!! Love that poem. Good luck hun! Have a good one!

CurvyGurl December 6, 2008 at 2:23 PM

Talk about speaking volumes, Eb...this statement should encourage all of us who desire love and truth...feels so good to for once not have your heart and mind at war.

All the best, girlie!

Eb the Celeb December 6, 2008 at 2:30 PM

@beautifully conjured - him not seeing wasn't literal... it was a euphemism in reference to the poem... he gets it.. that's why he opened up as well

Thx everyone for the well wishes!
We shall soon see!

Shai December 9, 2008 at 11:42 AM

I REALLY liked this post. Got me thinking.

Help keep this site up and running


and be sure to follow @thegirthpodcast instagram for hilarious sex memes and on twitter episode highlights and daily sex articles.

My Renaissance People aka Blog Subscribers