The documentary really touched me because it dealt a lot with being in control as the reason for having unprotected sex. Yes, many of the women were in low income families, but most of them felt that if they didn't have sex raw with their man that he would go somewhere else to get that feeling and they wanted to prevent that.
One female had cervical cancer. Her man was literally counting down the days that the doctor said she could begin having sex again. When that time came she still wasn't ready. Her body was but her mind wasn't and because of that their relationship started to go sour. This is the guy who also refused to wear condoms.
These women weren't weak either. They were strong black women, that ran the house in every other aspect. Although, when it came to the bedroom, they let the man have their way, and made no decisions, even those that effected their body were made by their man.
I don't want to tell the whole story and everything that went on but I never really thought about losing control in the bedroom in the context that was stated. That compromising our health as a whole was mostly based on the power imbalance that black women endure in order to keep a man in their bed.
Here is the trailer... definitely check it out.
26 comments
Wow. Just... wow. I'm constantly amazed at how outspoken and powerful we are on so many levels, but when it comes to our own bodies, we got nothin'. It makes my heart ache to know that there are still women out there who think a man is more important than life itself. I'm definitely going to check this movie out--thanks for sharing.
Thanks for posting this; I will definitely try to check it out. Maybe Netflix has the DVD...
I caught the tail end of this and turned it off becuase I was too interested to only catch the end. I'll be watchin on in demand tonight.
You know it's interesting you raise this topic. I have had more women try to convince me to ride bare-back, yet I would always insist on keeping my hat on. They would always say they wanted me to "really" feel them. As if a condom was the equivalent of a burlap sack. For some reason, I always took their insistence as wanting to trap me, so I resisted.
Of course much of my insistence occured after I took my very first AIDS test and got the real scoop on the virus. Talk about scared to get some results.
You see, being a member of the US Armed Forces back in the late 80's, early 90's, I was required to take an AIDS test. Like many guys who had "options" and some game, I bedded an obscene amount of women. Some I strapped up for, some I didn't. My only worry prior to taking THE TEST was getting one of them pregnant. Back then, the face of AIDS was someone from a Third World country or someone that was gay, so if she was fine and said she was on the pill, it was all good. Talk about being young, dumb and full of cum.
Fortunately, I passed my first test as well as the subsequent tests. Looking back, I was extremely lucky.
Safe sex should be the standard, not an option. It's amazing to me that with all of the education and free prophalactics that people still get sucked into having unprotected sex because of the way it feels.
Trust me, if you bring passion to the bedroom, she will be wet enough so that you can barely tell the difference.
Anyone not willing to protect your health is not worth being with in the first place. Use your brains out there and strap up OR insist that he does.
I saw some of that special last night. Unprotected sex with strangers in this day and age is just crazy..It's akin to playing russian roulette with a loaded pistol.
I want to see this. It's really sad though that some women feel obligated to have sex raw.That's ridiculous.No person on earth is worth my health and life.
@Denene - I know... it really made me reflect on decisions I have made in my life.
@Rich - I think we all made decisions when we were younger that we wish we could take back. When I had my live-in BF even though I knew he was trifling we rarely used anything. That situation opened my eyes to a lot. Lucky for me I wasn't seriously effected by him promiscuity but I realized that I opened myself up to be and that is scary.
@keith - I dont think you fully understood the context of the show. These are not women who are having sex with strangers. These are women who think that they are in monogamous relationships... or with men that dont know they are infected from previous relationships. These women are getting involved with men not knowing their status before they have sex. I think in the African American community we struggle with coming out and asking a partner before we have sex with them when's the last time they have been tested, have they ever had an STD. Not having those conversations is what is putting us at risk.
Rich pretty much summed up all that I could say and more.
I can't understand staying with someone who you honestly believe would cheat on you because you want him to wear a condom. If anything that lets me know that not wearing a condom is his norm...and something to really worry about.
I didn't catch the show, but I'll check it out next time it's on.
ugh...comment moderation!
@OD - Sorry... but I got a crazy deranged leaving ignorant comments on my blog so I had no choice but to result to it...
I have to look out for this program.
WOW @ Rich's comment. Talk about spitting the truth.
I caught bits and pieces of the show while getting the boys ready for bed. It was an eye opener that's for sure. I felts really bad for the woman with the cervical cancer.
This is such a serious issue in our community I am doing a STD workshop tonight and I will be sharing this with the youth...that's where we HAVE to start and we also have to keep having these conversations with each other because its definitely REAL out here...HPV is the #1 STD and women have got to learn to protect themselves...
Unfortuantely Showtime ain't showin' under my roof =/
This isn't a shocker to me though. I think one of the biggest issues surrounding "us" not being in control of our own bodies is the fact that we have never been really taught to be. There is a lot of silence around sex and sexuality in our families/communities so certain seeds just aren't planted.
Like you pointed out, its not about being weak/weak-minded, its pretty much historically based. Throughout history black women haven't been allowed to control their bodies and sexuality. So now, "we" just simply do not know how.
It's such a shame a lot of women don't take as much care of their bodies (inside and out) as they do for thier kids or even, more superficially, their beauty. The reality is that monogamy does not mean security and we are still responsible for our own health and no one else can best look out for us than us.
Damn, I really do want to check this out. I never thought about as being a control thing either. I know that women will do anything to keep their man happy sexually, just so they won't go and get it from somebody else, but damn.
I'm really considering becoming an AIDS/HIV activist. So many women in the black community are falling victim, no matter how much we stress the need to educate ourselves. This epidemic is attacking and it's like a silent killer because so many people don't want to know their status or have just never been tested and it's SAD. I mean it's ridiculous. STDs, HIV/AIDs are a BIG reason why I'm celibate. I know that I'm going to need to get tested once a year, even after I am married, but at least once I'm married, I can actually blame someone other than myself if I ever contract HIV!
Good post. We need to raise awareness and get our people to understand how much of a game IT IS NOT!
this is crazy...
in the midst of the craziness, i still believe that there is nothing on this land that cannot be cured...
i encourage for anyone with any disease that is so- called "incurable" to look up Dr. Sebi
Great post!
I'll check it out on demand later this week.
I am so happy you posted about this documentary. I literally have watched it in tears, b/c I knew someone who every considered to be a 'strong' black woman. Education,Career, Financially Secure & Stable, but when she let the wrong person enter her life, she trusted him with her life literally and figuratively. It'll be 5 years since she passed away due to AIDS. Every year, that passes, it makes me realize that as women, we can only protect ourselves, b/c no one else will!
Thanks Eb. You are always on the pulse. Definitely going to check it out.
wow thats deep. im hearing so much more about aids these days...it makes me want to be more careful..and really think about my life and not take it for granted. it honestly scares me how high those stats are...
That is a must see, i got to check it out.
Lol, the doctor looks like my ex wife just a little darker.
makes me wish I had showtime again! It's sad to hear these statistics! There is an article in this month's Essence also about the alarming rate at which black women are contracting HIV and AIDS. Makes me stand that much more firm in my decision to stay celibate! My life is worth so much more than sex!
Such a touchy subject for me. Its crazy how women can loose themselves in order to gain "control".
I for one can testify to the damage this disease and the decisions people make has caused...Those infected arent the only ones who suffer. They are someone's daughter, mother, friend, spouse... who have to live in the pain, grief, and shame as well.
Hey Eb, I'm glad you posted about this. I caught this documentary and the one that came on directly after, Love in a Time of HIV. Both of these are very powerful stories. I hope - no I pray that women will take heed and be assertive in all things concerning their health, physically, mentally, spiritually.
I like in the Bronx. My church, along with the church that was featured in the documentary provides free HIV testing and counseling. Numbers do not lie... The stats from the documentary are so very true...
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