Question for the day - Donating Organs

Say you and your spouse are together, and they need a kidney transplant... and by the grace of God your blood types actually matched. A couple years pass... you and the significant other start having problems... seem to not get along for anything... and then on top of that they cheat on you. You immediately file for divorce, and you don't get along at all after.

You both move on, re-marrying and then you get sick, finding out that your other kidney has failed you. The donor lists is extremely long, and the doctor does not consider you a priority. You literally have days to live. Do you contact that first spouse even though you haven't spoken in years? If you do contact them what do you say? You can't possibly ask for your kidney back.

Side note : Is it taboo for African Americans to be organ donors? I am an organ donor... but I still have my home address from growing up on my license. So when I get sent a new one... it went to my grandma's and she sent it to me. They sent donor paperwork later and she called me and wondered why I was a donor. She really could not understand why I would want to be. I told her grandma... if I'm dead... what do I need my organs for, so why wouldn't I give them to someone who still has a chance to live. Do you know what she said... and I quote... " When I pass I don't want anyone taking anything out of me... I'm bringing it all with me." Is she serious... old people man... but you gotta love 'em.

Song in heavy rotation right now... JOE Thomas "Why Just Be Friends"


IntrospectiveGoddess August 12, 2008 at 3:58 PM

That is so F'd up but hey i would still ask....I'm dying and I did it for they could at least consider consider it......I dont mind being an organ spirit is going to heaven, not my bodily functioning organs....

OG, The Original Glamazon August 13, 2008 at 12:21 AM

Wow quite the scenario!

Yes old black folks believe they are going to need their body for the resurrection.

I had a great aunt who was OUTDONE when my dad was cremated, per his request. She wanted to "bury the boy!"

I'm an organ door too!


The Jaded NYer August 13, 2008 at 12:23 AM

I don't think you could get that kidney back anyway so the point is moot.

I can't imagine that a doctor would remove a person's only working kidney to give it to someone else.

my understanding is that 1- once you donate it it's gone for good and 2- you can only be a donor if you have a spare.

I'm no physician so please, someone correct me if I'm wrong 'cause I need to know this... I'm an organ donor as well!

Nola.Divine August 13, 2008 at 12:42 AM

This doesn't exactly answer your question, but it reminded of what my friend went through recently...Her grandmother passed away, and little did her family know, but Grandma had donated her body to Science. So as soon as she passed, her body was whisked away - Before my friend was even able to catch the first flight home!

It did save the family some $$$ because a funeral was not needed - and though donating her body was for a great cause, I'm sure, my friend and her family felt like they couldn't mourn properly by just holding a memorial service...

Lovebabz August 13, 2008 at 1:09 AM

I am an organ donor! That taboo nonsense is not just older people..a great many of US hold that conviction!

Smarty Jones August 13, 2008 at 1:14 AM

Hey, possession is 9/10 of the law. He has it so now it belongs to him. If the kidney I kept failed me then chances are good that the other will fail him and in that case, I'll see the bastard in purgatory.
To answer your question, I too am an organ donor. I can't take it with me. All I'm worried about is my soul and that can't be transplanted.

Dave August 13, 2008 at 8:03 AM

Over half of the 99,000 Americans on the national transplant waiting list will die before they get a transplant. Most of these deaths are needless. Americans bury or cremate about 20,000 transplantable organs every year. Over 6,000 of our neighbors suffer and die needlessly every year as a result.

There is a simple way to put a big dent in the organ shortage -- give organs first to people who have agreed to donate their own organs when they die.

Giving organs first to organ donors will convince more people to register as organ donors. It will also make the organ allocation system fairer. People who aren't willing to share the gift of life should go to the back of the waiting list as long as there is a shortage of organs.

Anyone who wants to donate their organs to others who have agreed to donate theirs can join LifeSharers. LifeSharers is a non-profit network of organ donors who agree to offer their organs first to other organ donors when they die. Membership is free at or by calling 1-888-ORGAN88. There is no age limit, parents can enroll their minor children, and no one is excluded due to any pre-existing medical condition.

Cynthia August 13, 2008 at 8:41 AM

I feel you all.

I'm an organ donor, I can't take them with me; if I can save someone's life than so be it.

My father needs a kidney and I can't donate to him because of my high blood pressure (I'm 25) but I'm trying to control it now.

I'm pro organ donating! I'm going to sign up for right now!

Pajnstl August 13, 2008 at 8:45 AM

I'm an organ donor. But my family the older generation are sooooo not ever going to be donors. They are just your grand.

B August 13, 2008 at 9:01 AM

There are very few things that we can do to directly help the human race. Adopting is one and being an organ donor is another. Everyone should sign up for it. Ain't like you gon need that kidney when you go on to glory.

DollFace August 13, 2008 at 9:12 AM

Naw...I'm not contacting him. The kidney was given out of love and hell...I couldn't get it back anyway.

I don't think there's anything with being an organ donor. More people should do it.

Ms. Jones August 13, 2008 at 9:30 AM

I think that it would be pointless to call and ask for my kidney back. I'm an organ donor and I know here in Jersey not too long ago thy passed a law that when someone goes to get/renew their license that they have to check either "yes" or "no" to the organ donor question...there was once an "undecided" option, but 70% of people decided to take that route so they recently got rid of that option.

ms.uncensored August 13, 2008 at 9:30 AM

i don't know. so it's like choosing who gets to die. is my life my important than my former spouse's. i don't know. thats a tough one.

i'm an organ donor. two years ago. my younger sis was in a really bad car accident. leaving a sweet 16 she was hit by a car. her friend died of brain damage. my sis survived but nearly died herself. thankfully she never needed any organs to be donated but she did need blood. because she lost a lot. it saved her life. so i believe that human beings who help out one another by giving their own blood or organs is a necessary part of life. even if you're african-american. lol

(vixenchick) August 13, 2008 at 9:31 AM

I would still ask. A try beats a give-up any day.

RealHustla August 13, 2008 at 9:39 AM

Eb, let me just say you have a hugh fan basis, LOL. I mean I knew this but Dave up there threw me for a loop.

My dad used to tell me that I didn't want someone preying on my organs when I'm in struggling for my own life. You've seen how they do on hollywood. He said he'd rather I give instructions and authority to my surviving family members to make that decision rather than me having already done it but not being in the state of mind to demand that they concentrate on doing everything possible to keep me alive.

I kind of got his point, and I get yours too.

Charles August 13, 2008 at 9:44 AM

Thats an ill question...and personally, I don't know how I would respond in that situation. But if things would get dire...I would call her ass up though...I mean...shit, I saved your life by giving you a piece of me, the least you can do is hear me out.

And I'm a donor. My dad needed a transplant not too long ago, and I was the first in line to offer up mine...but I couldn't because of medical history on my mom's side. I'm grateful that he did find a donor though...cause it was frustrating knowing that I could help and couldn't at the same time.

E2Deep August 13, 2008 at 9:45 AM

Personally I wouldn't ask for it back...I'll just create a bucket list and fulfill my dreams:)

Veronica Wright August 13, 2008 at 9:49 AM

I wouldn't ask for the kidney back.

I would seek out someone else in my family that could afford to give me a kidney

Veronica Wright August 13, 2008 at 9:50 AM

p.s. how do you Indian-give a kidney anyway?

anonymousnupe August 13, 2008 at 9:58 AM

I can't even remember what the question was now, after reading through the comments (but at least I read them before adding my own 2 cents).

Dave sounds smart, and he is white, so we should pay attention to him. But seriously, the numbers he delineates are exacerbated greatly when applied to the black community. We are sooooooo stingy!! I'm a donor, mainly 'cause I believe that I'm going to receive a perfect new body (worthy of a virile Nupe like myself) in the rapture anyway, so I'm all for helping out in this way. I wonder if I can even specify in my will that my organs only go to a black, Christian, North-Carolina-born, Nupe type with a BMI of 20 or lower, a vertical leap of at least 38 inches, and an IQ of at least 200? May as well be better than I am now, right?! Hmmmm...

On Ms. Jones' tip, I hear that some jurisdictions are even considering making "Yes, I want to be a donor" the default response on driver's license apps. Currently "No" is the typical default response in the vast majority of places, and most folks (especially us) just don't bother changing it to "Yes."

Oh, yeah, asking for your kidney back would be Christopher Bridges.

Eb the Celeb August 13, 2008 at 10:17 AM

@intro - you dead wrong for The question was more so would you contact them letting them know of your condition so that they would feel bad or just pass on without letting them know that you were suffering from the same situation that you saved their life for...

@jaded - girl I know you cant get it that part was a joke

@smarty - only so you would call and say my kidney failed bruh so your days are still numbered?

@Dave - thx for the info

@vixen - girl you crazy! LOL

@realhustla - Dave has come out of lurking I guess

@Nupe - I dont know if your are being funny or serious but I too have feelings of setting a priority on who gets my organs. I know that's kind of wrong but after John Q I would prefer my kidney go to a child then an adult.... so though my preference aren't as narrow as yours... I feel ya

The Girl From Park Heights August 13, 2008 at 10:21 AM

Ok, that's hilarious. Cause you can't take it with you. You take NOTHING with you. WHy not donate and help another life live on. I'm also an organ donor and I'd rather be put to good use than burnt to ashes.

anonymousnupe August 13, 2008 at 10:31 AM

You know there's always a serious nougat center inside my creamy jocular coatings.

Note to self: That sounded stupid.

Eb the Celeb August 13, 2008 at 10:31 AM

@realhustla - I see what your dad is saying and that's sad if they know your an organ donor wont give you the best possible care in a hospital...I hope that isn't the case

(¯`·._.·[***Fresh&Fab***]·._.·´¯) August 13, 2008 at 11:09 AM

ooh im not a doner, but its something i would consider when i get older, because just like yo said, when im dead im obviously not gonna need em, whey not use it and benefit the life of another!!

Exhale_Whew August 13, 2008 at 11:37 AM

I have always wanted to be a donor but I have the same feeling as realhustla's dad. I know it sounds crazy but that is what is holding me back.

But I would consider my family making the decision for me when I die. Thanks for the thoughprovoking post .

Ms. Lovely August 13, 2008 at 11:37 AM


Don't really think i'm gonna need those..And as a nursing major you see how many ppl's really a shame

Nina August 13, 2008 at 11:45 AM

You can't ask for your kidney back...

The attitudes of black people is what makes it hard for us to receive organs and things...I donate my blood (in between tattoos) as much as I can. I'm O+ and while I can give whomever my blood, it would be hard for me to receive and I hope that someone else would donate it to me.

Super Dave Van Buren August 13, 2008 at 12:20 PM

I don't even know if I'ma doner. i think I am but I'm like you when I'm dead who cares? take what ever you need, I don't need it anymore.

T.C. August 13, 2008 at 12:42 PM

I would more than likely call to say what i needed to say, possibly ask...but i wouldn't bank on it...

i am a donor as well...mostly i think the issue is that as my mom said to me, "well you know they won't try to save you since you are a donor" just another conspiracy theory i guess...but if my organs can go to help someone is need why gone you know

1/3 August 13, 2008 at 1:06 PM

I think the reason T.c mentioned is why we dont donate organs. I dont think its true either.

I wouldnt want my kidney back because at the time I loved that person and 9/10 their kidney bout to go bad too lol

I def would ask one of my sisters. Im a triplet so one of them have to match me lol

Blu Jewel August 13, 2008 at 1:12 PM

First let me say that I'm a proud organ donor. I don't see anything wrong with wanting my viable organs going to someone else in need. Blacks are some of the highest percentage wise in need of organs, so why not donate in hopes that another of my race might actually get it. Even if they dont, as long as someone can live after my death, is all i care about.

Okay, to the point...My brother's kidneys failed and his wife was an EXACT match (talk about a match made in heaven)...i digress. Fortunately, they are no way heading for divorce court and God willing, they'll be around for years to come.

I don't think one is entitled to get their organ back after donating it. Once it's given it's given. That would be one foul phone call to make for real. *sigh*


Anonymous August 13, 2008 at 1:23 PM

I'm an organ donor... they can have whatever the hell they want outta me, when my time is up.

kayellejaye August 13, 2008 at 1:24 PM

I think our ppl are scared to donate because we think in an emergency no one will bother to save our lives if they know they can have a free-for-all with our body parts.

I was once scared to be a donor. Just the idea of someone cutting me open after I'm gone freaks me out. But I'm over it now. I changed my box to 'yes'.

12kyle August 13, 2008 at 1:27 PM

good post!

i'm a donor

i wouldn't ask for it back. i feel like i have blessed them and i will be blessed again. if it's my time to, then it's my time.

BK August 13, 2008 at 1:52 PM

Ummm are you asking if I would ask for the kidney I gave them back? after they needed it to save their life?

if so.. NO I would not..

I'm a donor..and after they take whatever they can use.. they will just burn me

Stew August 13, 2008 at 2:04 PM

my parents convinced me not to be an organ donor and their reason makes sense.

basically, if something happens to me, they will not work as hard to save me, knowing that they will get my organs. sacrifice one to save many.

Afrodite August 13, 2008 at 2:07 PM

I'm on the fence about being an organ donor.

As far as the scenario posted, I would most certainly ask his ass for a kidney! Man, I gotta live!

Smarty Jones August 13, 2008 at 2:15 PM

Only I what, Eb? You think I wouldn't call to mess with him? I wouldn't even say that.
I'd call and say something like, "I just wanted to check on you and make sure I got everything in order while I still have time."
You know knee-grows are inquisitive and he's gonna wanna know what I mean.
That's when I explain the kidney failure and find a reason to get off the phone. ;-)

clnmike August 13, 2008 at 2:19 PM

Lol, how you going to ask for a kidney back?

But if the divorce was an ugly one I might just do play doctor one cold and lonely night.

Other than that you might as well make your peace with God.

Jane August 13, 2008 at 3:09 PM

It's still pretty taboo for African Americans to be organ donors... My sister actually peeled the little pink dot off of my license and told me she wouldn't let them take anything out of me. And shes a NURSE!

Anonymous August 13, 2008 at 3:22 PM

Bwhahaah Shit no I wouldn't ask for shit back.....

I have always been an organ donor, a blood donor and a platelets donor, and just in case the heat of the emotion might even remotely give my mom (who likes to act like a heffa sometimes) the wrong notion, my Bff(my contact e.r ANYWAYS) and my bro and sister and extended family KNOW for a fact that Anything that can be given away BEST be given Anything I gives a fuck, after all I'ma be cremated

Anonymous August 13, 2008 at 3:34 PM

...also that cop out about "they won't work to save you" (who is "they " anyways??? LOL) is pretty lame, as the daughter of a doctor with war stories from hell and and the grandaugther of a good for nothing diabetic-who-never-took-care-of-himself-
toes-missing-failing-kidneys-grandfather doctors Due to their oath, pride, humanity, whatever the fuck you want to call it Have and DO go to every crazy extreme, measure, procedure, and medication and whatever to keep you alive Is what they do and they take great pride and pains to do it

Nina: *giggles* I'm donating my O+ blood for you... between inks as well

ShellyShell August 13, 2008 at 4:22 PM

I wouldn't ask for it back. You gave it up just hope that dialysis helps and you move up on the kidney list. Kidneys only last about 10-12 years and then you will need another one. My brother has had two kidney transplants. Before the first one he was on dialysis Mon,Wed and Friday from 10-2 for over a year. One night at 2am his dr. called him and told him to get to the hospital! That kidney lasted just under 10 years and he received his second transplant in March of '99 so the ten years is just about up. I am a match for my brother but he refuses to take my kidney because I have not had a child yet. He said that a woman's body goes through so much during pregnancy that he just wouldn't feel comfortable taking my kidney! With all that being said I am definitely a donor!

Just because you are on the donor list does not mean the nurses and drs will not do everything to save you! My parents, brother and sister are all in the medical field. My brother works directly in dialysis(pretty ironic since my other brother has had transplants), my sis is a Chief Nursing Officer and my mom is a director of nursing and sits on the transplant board. Do trust they are there to save your life not take it from you.

A Go Bytch August 13, 2008 at 5:29 PM

I would not contact the ex. There is nothing they can do. Being that they already needed a transplant I'm sure they won't be a candidate for the sugery.

On the other note. I don't think it's necessary to be an organ donor. I don't believe they let perfectly good organs go to waste because you don't have a heart stamped on your driver's license. I think they take what they need and send you off to glory.


I believe that EMS are less likely to try and save your life if you are a donor...because they know your organs will go for a good cause...and you never know who people have working for them on the inside. MOney is a powerful thing.....

That's my peace!

Go B.

nikki August 13, 2008 at 5:55 PM

alot of black folk think if the doctor sees they're donors, the doc will let 'em die if the waiting patient is white. no trust in the medical profession.

as for your scenario...i can always get another spouse but i only got two kidneys.

Beautifully.Conjured.Up August 13, 2008 at 6:16 PM

If it was me, I would suck in my pride, and cry/plead for my kidney back. Tell him that my life is on the line and apologize all day...

...If he doesn't give it back, I would tell him my ghost will come back and kick his ass...

Personally, I'm not an organ donor b/c of some information I found out. Due to the emergency/need for organs...if you are ever in an accident where there is a 60% chance or lower that you may live, the paramedics (or whomever) have the right to "finish you off" and take your organs.

The F$%K it List August 13, 2008 at 8:16 PM

I might have to ask for my organ back! How I don't know. Its not like you can call up dude and go "hey glad we can still be friends and can I get that kidney back son"

Your grandma is funny.

soumynona August 14, 2008 at 5:20 PM

Organs are in high demand these days so your granny is right - Shoooo, I'm a black man with good blood so if I was an organ donor they might put me away for during a check up, talking bout he didnt make it pass the hernia test so we gave away his Johnson =>

PrettyBlack August 14, 2008 at 9:22 PM

That kidney was given out of love...

As for being a donor I'm one too. But my husband thinks if something was to happen and the doctor operating on you had a family member who needed something and he found out you were the same blood type he'd let you buy it to get that body part he needs...hahaha! Now what are the odds? My hubby is a conspiracy theorist for real.

Help keep this site up and running

and be sure to follow @thegirthpodcast instagram for hilarious sex memes and on twitter episode highlights and daily sex articles.

My Renaissance People aka Blog Subscribers