Uninspired (ŭn'ĭn-spīrd') and Thought to Ponder : Depression

adj. Having no intellectual, emotional, or spiritual excitement; dull.

I have been in a real funk lately. I try to put on the smile and act like everything
is okay but inside I worry. Even I was denying it. It's crazy how the body operates in a way that you even lie to yourself, or try to convince yourself that its nothing. A close friend of mine made me realize I wasn't okay via IM. Crazy right, without even hearing my voice. After IM'ing for about 20min catching up since we haven't spoken in a couple weeks he kept asking me what was wrong. I said nothing and he pushed and pushed trying to get info but I said nothing. I have a problem with telling people when I have a problem or asking for help. I've always been one to want to figure things out myself, knowing that God won't put more on me than I can bear. He goes, something is wrong because you haven't talked junk to me once yet. Any one who knows me knows that I love to clown, especially my boys... it brings me joy. But again I assured him I was fine even though he gave me an outlet to release. So since I didn't get it out, its still burdening my heart and blogging is now my solace. Even though I haven't even said what is wrong, its helping. So thanks all who are reading for being my therapy.

Not depressed (or maybe I could be in denial about that too), since depression has many faces and levels. No I'm not depressed, just in a little funk, I still love myself too much to ever think of doing any of the crazy things that depressed people do, and have too much pride to go see a shrink, but I did find a quote that reflected how I've been feeling lately so I decided to post it as well. I think we can all relate to feeling like this one way or the other... just wanted to make it plain so no one out there is worried about me.


“For me being depressed means you can spend all day in bed, and still not get a good night’s rest.”
-Unknown



Happy Hump Day everybody!!!



Song of the moment : New unreleased Lauryn Hill because Life is truly a hustle. In the days and times of this recession, not even the strong survive... and that is a sad thought!

55 comments

Urban Thought September 17, 2008 at 9:00 AM

The great thing about friends is that they have an open door policy. You don't have to ask for help, its already there for you.

I can understand where you are coming from. You want to do for self. You don't want to put that on someone else and you want to own it. What ever it is.

You'll make it through. Keep your head up and keep it going.

Obama Mama September 17, 2008 at 9:13 AM

Girl, I get like that sometimes too and just like you, I don't want to bother anyone with my problems. A lady once told me, "pride is a sin", but is keeping your problems to yourself really pride, or just a formula for disaster? IDK.

Well, I thought it was just me that keeps everything to myself. Now reading this post, I'm wondering if its the curse of the black woman. We always want to be so much more to everyone else. But then when we need someone, we don't want to appear to be weak, or too needy.

But God is with you, just hold on.

Super Dave Van Buren September 17, 2008 at 9:14 AM

Stay up Girl. Whenever I'm down I just remind myself to keep moving forward.

MzInspiredMind81 September 17, 2008 at 9:18 AM

That quote is the hotness! I hope you feel better soon!! I can't let my Cowboys sister be feeling down! :(

Ms. Jones September 17, 2008 at 9:18 AM

Stay strong, Eb. I'm the same way in the sense that I always put on the face that I have all my shit together when there may be other things playing in the background of life simply because I don't want anybody's sympathy. You'll pull through :)

Skinny Black Girl September 17, 2008 at 9:26 AM

I think that you have taken an important first step just by opening up and talking about it. The truth is that it is so hard to say out loud "I am not okay." Especially in a culture where we're reminded on a daily basis just how much shit we should be able to deal with because we are "strong black women." It's good that you have friends who are willing to listen without judgement. But more importantly, don't judge yourself. Everybody goes through difficulty. You'll be fine.

Rich September 17, 2008 at 9:30 AM

This too shall pass. Keep your head up. Listen to some Pac today.

The Jaded NYer September 17, 2008 at 10:12 AM

depression is a scary word... and you KNOW I hate shrinks but I finally went to one and she said the "D" word to me and you know what? I had no way of denying it.

it's hard for me to accept help, too, even from my closest friends who sometimes just have to kick and scream their way into my head and get me to open up... so as someone who's been there and back and is there AGAIN right this minute, let me tell you what my best friends told me:

it's okay to say no sometimes
it's okay to be selfish and take care of you
and it's okay to call someone and say, "I need help"

I understand the belief that your god wouldn't give you more than you can handle, but think of it like this: maybe that's why he put your friends in your life- to help you handle your burdens...

chin up, girl! don't let the season changing start to get you down... you live in NYC and this place is TOO FABULOUS for you (or me, dammit!) to have the blues!!!! :D

Carmen Renee September 17, 2008 at 10:18 AM

Definitely been there. Brighter days lie ahead, sis. For me, they tend to come faster if I fully feel whatever negative emotions I might be having. India. Arie put it like this: "All of a sudden I realize that it only hurts worse to fight it. So I embrace my shadows, and hold on 'til the morning light..." Sometimes the only way to get back up is by letting ourselves fall...

Much respect for putting yourself out there for us to see.

Obama Mama: I think it's the curse of the Black Woman...

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T September 17, 2008 at 10:49 AM

yo folk looked good monday night, but the defense well u know

PCD (Pretty Circle Drawer) September 17, 2008 at 10:49 AM

song is gone :-( anyhoo, at least people know you well enough to be concerned when they should be. don't be afraid to open up. it really helps!

Thoughts of a Southern gal September 17, 2008 at 10:52 AM

I'm very good at masking my feelings and holding things in. The big smile on my face is just front. I'm going through something now but you would never know by looking at me. I'm crying on the inside. I just don't want to bother anyone because I know I will get through this. My problem is I know what I need to do but that's not what I want to do.

Keli September 17, 2008 at 11:37 AM

I can relate because I have been in a valley myself...It's ok to be down every know and then...you are human...does not mean that you are not a strong woman...just don't hold too much in...get it out...I write through my emotions, even if I don't share it with others.

Hopefully things will be brighter soon.

ShellyShell September 17, 2008 at 11:46 AM

Keep your head up. I'm so down right now myself. No one knows because I do a great job of masking it! But one thing I do know is that it WILL get better! I'm to fabulous for it not to! And so are you! We need to meet up for a afternoon mimosas again!! :)

A.J. Brown September 17, 2008 at 12:00 PM

I hope you feel better real soon...
I deal with the same thing at times. And I'm quick to say "I'm fine" w/ a smile (we women are so damn good at that), but then someone told me that "fine" for people who are depressed can mean and entirely different thing. Fucking-Insecure-Neurotic-& Emotional.So when I am feeling blue I convince myself that even though things are not at their best, I'm still OK. The beauty of it is that the sun still shines, the flowers still grow, the music still plays, and God is still there and eventually you wake-up feeling better than you did before.

MP September 17, 2008 at 12:30 PM

Keep ya head up mama! Things will get better. They always do right. If you know what it is tackle it asap. I hope you feel better real soon girlie!

Jada September 17, 2008 at 12:31 PM

I get in my funks every now and again myself. No worries hon...you'll snap out of it once you have sufficiently tired yourself out dwelling in it. Everybody has bad periods, sometimes not even really knowing or understanding why, but it always gets better. I Hope your blogging helped. If not...you should really consider talking to your most trusted friend. God always has your back...and a good girl/guy friend ain't bad to lean on either.

The True Urban Queen aka Sharon September 17, 2008 at 12:44 PM

I am depressed too. And it will only get worse before I can get a grip and make it better.

I am not going to hurt myself either.

Keep your head up.

Sending a huge hug.

Andre September 17, 2008 at 1:46 PM

I'm that same way..I just don't want to be seen as weak, even when im in shit up to my eyeballs...
but like you said he'll never put more on you than you can bear!

Pajnstl September 17, 2008 at 1:57 PM

i am soo feeling that quote. ((hugs))

Lady~Daydreamer September 17, 2008 at 2:07 PM

I am feeling this entire post. It helps to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way sometimes.....thanks for sharing and keep your head up!

T.C. September 17, 2008 at 2:13 PM

i can definitely understand feeling like the world is on your shoulders and sometimes its nothing inparticular but EVERYTHING at the same time...keep your head up and stay focused...definitely meditate and stay in prayer...there is always sunshine through the rain...head up sis!

RealHustla September 17, 2008 at 2:33 PM

I bet you'll feel better in about a week. As you age, that menstrual cycle can take on a life of its own. Sometimes causing you to not be able to recognize yourself.

Opinionated Diva September 17, 2008 at 3:28 PM

I'm looking forward to hearing this unreleased track from Lauryn and hoping it's what she needs to truly make a come back.

Now on to you...
It is OK to feel a little "off" (not your normal perky self)...every now and then.

People that are happy all the time are full of shit...a little sadness is good for the soul.

Mr.Slish September 17, 2008 at 4:17 PM

During times like this..My tummy turns into a squishy cause all I do is eat JUNK FOOD...lol

laughing808 September 17, 2008 at 5:22 PM

We all have those in a funk moments/times.

Keep your head up and know this too shall pass.

princessdominique September 17, 2008 at 5:26 PM

I find that your true friend don't wait for you to ask for help they are supposed to know you well enough to know you need it and give it to you--sometimes with the lecture, sometimes without.

Kryssy September 17, 2008 at 7:19 PM

oh my goodness... I could've written this blog...
It puts into words EVERYTHING that I'm feeling...
I'm with you girl... stay strong!

dejanae September 17, 2008 at 7:31 PM

hon
its good to let shit out

Skoolboi Krush September 17, 2008 at 8:20 PM

stay strong, eb! you will come out better on the other side.

faith September 17, 2008 at 8:21 PM

ugh, i so know the feeling. i hope you feel better soon. the funk will most definitely expire!

Cat September 17, 2008 at 8:58 PM

I agree with the advice given. Address what's getting you down and learn how to handle it. But at the same time it's okay to be in funk now and then. I visit that place a few times myself! We can't be feeling great all the time!

The F$%K it List September 17, 2008 at 9:14 PM

Its wonderful when you have friends that can read you even without seeing or hearing your voice.

As for your pride, put it aside and go speak to a therapist if it gets bad or you find yourself growing more depressed by the day. I saw a therapist for an entire year and I would go and vent for an hour and I guess that was all I needed to help me put things into prospective. A third party without judgment.

Keep your head up

Mel September 17, 2008 at 11:04 PM

The funk? Been there. Done that. I have the shirt and mug to prove it. I'm glad you have close friends who can be a listening ear.

And also, you've been tagged.
http://turquoisesha.blogspot.com/2008/09/honest-blogger-award.html

Jaded September 18, 2008 at 12:41 AM

ebbs & flows, everyone goes through highs and lows and the blahs.

All you can do is get through it.

Keisha "Kitten" Isaacs September 18, 2008 at 12:55 AM

I literally just asked where my girl Lauryn Hill was...and I come here to find her...thank you...

I pray that the Holy Spirit comes and fills you up with peace and joy my sistah!

MsPuddin September 18, 2008 at 1:24 AM

Hang in there mamas. Ive been feeling the same lately and so have others I know. Maybe its something in the water? If you want to email me feel free! The best I can do is try and make you laugh. feel better :(

FREEDOM September 18, 2008 at 1:38 AM

I survived a auto accident this weekend. So please cherish LIFE, FAMILY, TRUE FRIENDS, AND THE PRECIOUS "TIME" YOU HAVE HERE ON PLANET EARTH! REMEMBER IF YOU DRAW CLOSER TO HIM (GOD) HE IS FAITHFUL TO DRAW CLOSER TO YOU! HE HAS SENT YOU A COMFORTER THE HOLY SPIRIT AND HIS SON JESUS!

GO AHEAD AND QUESTION GOD GET EVERYTHING OFF YOUR CHEST AND OUT IN THE OPEN. AND POUR OUT YOUR SOUL TO HIM FOR HE IS LISTENING AND IS VERY CONCERNED ABOUT YOU! HIS PRECIOUS AND BELOVED CHILD THAT HE UNIQUELY CREATED IN HIS IMAGE FOR HIS PURPOSE TO LOVE YOU!

FOR HE IS THE ONLY WHO CAN REALLY HELP YOU...AND LOOK...HE SENT ALL THESE ANGELS TO SHOW YOU A REFLECTION OF HIS LOVE THAT HE HAS FOR YOU EBEY!

GOD BLESS AND PRESS FORWARD FOR THE PRIZE THROUGH CHRIST JESUS FOR HE SAID THAT YOU CAN CAST ALL YOUR CARES UPON HIM FOR HE CARETH FOR YOU MY DEAR!

ENJOY LOVE, PEACE & FREEDOM STARTING RIGHT NOW. GREATER IS HE THAT IS YOU, THAN HE THAT IS IN THE WORLD! BE OF GOOD CHEER FOR HE HAS OVERCOME THIS WORLD!

12kyle September 18, 2008 at 8:09 AM

The Cowboys are gonna win the Super Bowl!!!

Tupac is the greatest rapper of all time

Aggie Pride!! Aggie Pride!! Aggie Pride

(now...if that didn't make you smile...i don't know what will)

LMAO!!!

Veronica Wright September 18, 2008 at 8:13 AM

Pray about it. That's all you can do and know that everything willbe already. No God won't put more on you than you can handle but he also doesn't mean for us to carry our burdens alone. That's called pride. Call ONE person--someone that you know will hold whatever it is in confidence and that can offer a hand--tell them what's going, pray again and let go of whatever it is.

Don't worry about tomorrow because tomorrow will worry about itself...isnt't that how the saying goes? (I think that applies to not just tomorrow but anything and anyone)

hope you feel better!!! :-)

1/3 September 18, 2008 at 12:39 PM

This is exactly how I feel. Thats why I had to take a break.

Hope you get out of your funk soon eb

OG, The Original Glamazon September 18, 2008 at 2:23 PM

I feel you. However I can’t even blog like I want to I just tend to read and process right now. I guess it’s growing, I think growth hurts, it’s uncomfortable but its worth it in the long run. I have been attributing my funk to the fact that I am ready to blow this pop stand and get back to my HOME! Boston is not my home and never will be and I guess that mindset of not making myself comfortable here (you know by making friends and stuff) is contributing to the home sickness, but I LOVE being by myself it is something that I discovered late in life and the only people I really want to make time for are in the H!!

When you said this right here, it so resonated to me I have a problem with telling people when I have a problem or asking for help. I've always been one to want to figure things out myself, knowing that God won't put more on me than I can bear.

It was something that I had to learn to do later in my life, kinda the way I learned as an athlete the difference between uncomfortable pain (soreness) and real pain (injury) I have learned when my situation is something I can push through and when my situation needs a Dr, so to speak.

Hang in there girl, it will all change in the next monts, life's guarantee.

-OG

clnmike September 18, 2008 at 3:14 PM

And this too will pass, lady.

Cami September 18, 2008 at 4:47 PM

hope you're feeling better. :-)

Soulstress September 18, 2008 at 5:01 PM

***sendin hugs and waves of encouragement***

Darius T. Williams September 18, 2008 at 6:50 PM

It's okay to be in a funk...just don't stay there too long! mkay! We love you - get outta that funk!

Jewells September 18, 2008 at 7:22 PM

Sis, I hear you...

I see you...

I feel you...

There will be better days...

Blog Queen September 18, 2008 at 7:33 PM

It's darkest before dawn. We've all been there. And for those who haven't...I say...KEEP LIVING.

Be Blessed

Keith September 19, 2008 at 1:02 AM

EB, you know I love you (and your blog) and I'm here for you. I know about being in funks...I go through em quite a bit..Blogging and meeting all of you good people
has been my therapy...but it's not
as good as actually getting out and feeling a human touch...Maybe you could stand to be around some real folk..folk who know you and who you know have your back..The people you can be real with,you know.
I don't know if this advice can help you or not,but know that my heart is with you..Feel better soon
babe.

karrie b. September 19, 2008 at 3:10 PM

have a drank and get over it. you'll be aight girl.

-KB

MsKnowitAll September 19, 2008 at 4:05 PM

Awwww Eb... this is just your season Girl, you'll be fine!

Dope Fiend September 19, 2008 at 7:05 PM

What i've realised is that we can't be happy all the time, even though we want to be, or when it makes sense to be happy.

Trust me, the feeling will pass, and if it doesn't, if it gets worse and you stat feeling sorry for yourself...truely ask yourself what is missing? when you figure that out, ask yourself if you are being rational, is that missing element a NECESSITY , or do you already have it but you can't see that you do?

Gurl I hope ur playlist isnt reflecting your inner feelings, sounds like you missing someone or the idea of someone.

Stay Flyy!

Miss BB is... September 20, 2008 at 11:55 AM

GIRL, I'm going through the same thing. I have two main things that are wrong with me, both of which I have blogged about. I don't know how to change it but I can only work through it for now.

Jackie E. September 20, 2008 at 11:19 PM

I had not heard about either of these series but thanks to you, I will definitely be on the look out...

Big Cheekz September 22, 2008 at 11:52 PM

i'm late commenting but i wanted to say that i hope things are better for you! depression can be a serious issue if not dealt with properly. don't spread yourself thin, don't worry about the things you can't control & be sure to get plenty of rest.

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