Thoughts to Ponder : Blank Slate



I try and reduce myself to an almost blank slate and hope to God that I am creative.
-Ben Kingsley


Life is just a blank slate, what matters most is what you write on it.
-Christine Frankland



I have been struggling with reinventing myself. I have been extremely bored with myself and life lately. Going out isn't fun anymore, I actually have to force myself to go most times just so I can network. I enjoy spending time in my room alone. I have gone 3-4 days at a time without seeing my roommate. Some might say that I am just maturing or getting older if you will; but honestly I feel like I am not contributing anything to society. I have to find a job that challenges me and will take me to the next level, I have to find a side project that will add to my skill set. Sometimes I wish that I could just erase all of my past, the good, the bad, being a radio personality, working in sports, writing, blogging, partying, traveling, the degrees, the homecomings, the bike rally's , the boyfriends, the sex, and just start over. Then I come to my senses and realize that I am who I am because of all those things, the good, the bad, and the ugly, and I love the person that I am... flaws and all... and if given a blank slate I would most likely do everything the same exact way.

So cheers to NOT wiping my slate clean, but adding a new chapter to the book!

47 comments

~Shakeia~ September 25, 2008 at 1:26 PM

It's the "quarterlife crisis". I know exactly what you're talking about. Been there. And your conclusion is right, embrace the slate and all it contains and use it, use it to propel yourself where you want to be!

Skinny Black Girl September 25, 2008 at 1:26 PM

The best contribution that you can make to the world is to be a whole and happy person. When you try to give others what you don't have within yourself, you get drained and then the world misses out on all of that great energy. So, if staying to yourself is keeping you going right now, don't feel bad about it. Just do it.

The great thing about life is that you're the author. The next chapter can be whatever you want it to be.

Beautifully.Conjured.Up September 25, 2008 at 1:30 PM

Its always good to reinvent yourself, because that way you stay focused and engergized about life.

RealHustla September 25, 2008 at 1:41 PM

I think this is the right approach. I used to feel like that often, just unsatisfied. So, I decided that I was just going to try being the best mother ever. I'm still working on this, but now I have a lot of dissatisfaction with the way this is going. You seem like you've had a really full life. Me, I'm just going to try to keep on living and see what happens.

MzInspiredMind81 September 25, 2008 at 1:43 PM

The above women have said it beautifully. Your like wine, you just get better with time. Just think, we'll have enough of a past to tell lively stories to our grandchildren but the good sense to leave it where it is...in the past. It's amazing the revelations we come to as we get older. I'm liking the person I'm becoming more and more.

A.J. Brown September 25, 2008 at 1:45 PM

Get out of my head Eb!!..lol...new chapter huh???? Yeah, I think that's the answer.

MP September 25, 2008 at 1:46 PM

I have that same view about clean slates. I wouldn't be who I am if I could honestly wipe my slate clean. Life is about turning the page.

Ms. Jones September 25, 2008 at 2:06 PM

I agree with you on that no matter how I many times I think "what if" everything has happened for a reason and made me into who I am today...adding new pages and chapters is natural and a beautiful yet scary thing :)

TravelDiva September 25, 2008 at 2:08 PM

Sounds like the right attitude to me.

Jada September 25, 2008 at 2:23 PM

I am who I am because of all those things, the good, the bad, and the ugly, and I love the person that I am... flaws and all...

OMG Like 10 seconds before reading this I just had the EXACT same thought. And I mean exactly the same. I guess reading this blog was just confirmation of that thought. Girl you be on point with your posts. Thanks for letting GOD use you!

The only thing in this world we can be that is always true and authentic is OURSELVES. And damn anybody who don't like it or can't accept it! Go on girl! Keep on pressing! You're an inspiration whether you know it or not.

She W0rd Hustlez September 25, 2008 at 2:34 PM

Yes ma'am. Kudos to you on this realization in life. Sometimes starting over isn't such a good idea, because what already happened is a part of who you are at the current moment. So without compromising that person; adding a new chapter can simply give you a fine tuning and make you a better person. Good luck on your next chapter in life. Everything seems like a blur now, but when you get that boost you need; there will be no stopping you girl. Can't wait to read.

Soulstress September 25, 2008 at 2:46 PM

I agree that u may be goin thru a 1/4 life crisis..i went thru it a bit a few months ago..it can come and go...but basically u've done alot and now ur like ok..whats next?!??! lol!

I feelya..i've been tired of doin the same ol stuff and on sum weekends have opted to stay in...but its just about pushin urself to find what else is out there i suppose.

Super Dave Van Buren September 25, 2008 at 3:06 PM

I like to view it as a new book by the same Arthur. My life is like a bunch of short stories.

Smarty Jones September 25, 2008 at 3:47 PM

Ebbbbbbbbb, welcome to the Quarterlife Crisis!
It's the part of life where your 20s suck and there's not a damn thing you can do about it.
I'm currently in crisis and trying to muster up enough motivation to become the awesome woman I am destined to be.
Grit your teeth, bare it, it will all be over soon.

Keli September 25, 2008 at 4:04 PM

Life is about building upon pass experiences...coming out wiser, better, stronger.

dessex September 25, 2008 at 4:10 PM

cheers to you as well. My finally got a job so monday will be a new chapter.

Darius T. Williams September 25, 2008 at 4:30 PM

Adding a new chapter is always a good thing!

Sass September 25, 2008 at 4:35 PM

hmmm im feeling like you stole this right out of my brain. they say spring is the time of new awakenings but i think fall is. its the time where you get retrospective and put things in perspective and begin to reinvent yourself for the better. you dont have to wait until new years.

Monique September 25, 2008 at 5:19 PM

Yay to a new chapter!

My friends and I were just talking about how we're tired of the clubs scene. I think we hung up our club shoes when Visions closed. Atlanta just hasn't been the same.

The True Urban Queen aka Sharon September 25, 2008 at 7:07 PM

It is our past that helps us reach for our future. It is our past that helped you to become who you are today.

Embrace yourself and smile.

DollFace September 25, 2008 at 9:25 PM

My motto: If you don't like your life change your circumstances.

I've been in my own shell too

Keith September 25, 2008 at 9:28 PM

You've really been introspective lately...It's just growing pains..that's all...You're going to
be just fine..don't worry..These times come and they go just as fast..You're a Renaissance Black Woman...and the world needs you.
(Hope that makes you smile)

The Dallas Cowboys are a pretty good team this year.

(Okay,come on...Me saying THAT has
got to make you smile-lololololol.)

The F$%K it List September 25, 2008 at 9:29 PM

Cheers to the new chapter

Life is about growth and sometimes it scary. But you just have to jump and not worry, you are dynamic you will fly!

Eb the Celeb September 25, 2008 at 9:49 PM

@shakeia - I thought I already went threw that but maybe its resurfacing

@skinny - whole and happy is definitely what I have to work on.. hard to get happy though when you dont really know what makes you whole

@realhustla - I feel you... that's where I am... trying to keep living

@ms. jones - scary indeed

@jada - thx... I'm glad my posts inspire something in you... I honestly dont even see how but that's part of life, your not suppose to understand everything... and thanks for reading and commenting because those are the types of things that give me hope and inspire me, and help me to do and be better

@she word hustlez - blur and fog storm right now... but I have faith it will clear soon... thx

@soutress - definitely comes and goes... went thru is last year and thought I was good until midlife but I guess not

CONGRATS DESSEX!!!

hey SASS - girl, good seeing you last night

@dollface - easier said than done missing... but I'm working on it

@keith - that did make me smile.. thx

thx for the inspiring works Ms. F it list

Keisha "Kitten" Isaacs September 25, 2008 at 11:58 PM

Hey Sistah!

Deep post!!....I kept thinking about how babies are born with a blank slate while I was reading it....I feel where you are coming from...been there a time or two...one thing I found out was that learning to let go and let God...while walking in faith creates moments of excitement and joy...because when you're being lead by the spirit you have no clue what's in store...you just trust that it's for your good and the Will of God....I pray that the pages of your new chapter are filled with words of joy, love, and peace manifested in your life!

Peace & Blessings

Jewells September 26, 2008 at 12:25 AM

Hoping you find the you you are meant to be. Life is all about the quest, the journey, for there will be many. Take your time for in it you will find you.

What you're going through is normal, so don't stress about it.

FREEDOM September 26, 2008 at 12:56 AM

You summed the Journey of LIFE up perfectly with this ONE!

Two Cheers to a NEW CHAPTER!!!

Kool.Kid.Kris September 26, 2008 at 1:05 AM

I love your honesty Eb! We can't go back an undue but we can certainly press toward the mark which usually includes a new chapter and I look forward to reading yours :-)

See you soon!
Kristen

eclectik September 26, 2008 at 6:16 AM

ALLLS I know is you better give me a dang chapter...we got stuff 2dew.

e.

poison.ivy September 26, 2008 at 8:33 AM

i'm the same way, i don't regret nothing i did, no matter how bad.

your past makes you get prepared for your future

cheers to you

Sweet KeiKei September 26, 2008 at 11:38 AM

this is scary cuz i woke up feeling this way this morning and was gonna do a post that would have been strangely similar. it's just good to know i'm not alone on this. God Bless!

clnmike September 26, 2008 at 1:01 PM

Your to young to be having a midlife crisis, a job change with more challenges could do the trick.

La September 26, 2008 at 1:13 PM

In college I took this creative writing class. Our major assignment for the entire semester was to rewrite our lives. We could write whatever we wanted, it could be as close to the truth as we wanted or as far fetched as we could come up with. The only criteria is that we had to keep rewritting.

Girl don't you know by the end of that semester I had pretty much ended up writing my life exactly the way that it happened in the real world? And most of the class too. You are where you are meant to be. The power comes in realizing that you don't have to stay there.

MysTery September 26, 2008 at 2:43 PM

That's what's up! You go girl. You are probably going through a transitional stage. Pray and ask for guidance. Keep your head up!

Peace.

Stew September 26, 2008 at 4:14 PM

u should move.

no better way to get a fresh start without "wiping the slate clean"

Obama Mama September 26, 2008 at 7:59 PM

you damn right all that stuff makes you who are and thats something to be proud of. Do you!

Emeritus September 26, 2008 at 10:05 PM

"So cheers to NOT wiping my slate clean, but adding a new chapter to the book!"

Well duh! A celeb ain't got not bitness questioning these thangs. lol.

Big Cheekz September 26, 2008 at 10:30 PM

lookin forward to reading abt where the next chapter is gonna take you...

Jackie E. September 27, 2008 at 1:36 PM

as long as we can look in the mirror and be proud of who we see looking back then that's all that matters in the end...

Pajnstl September 27, 2008 at 1:49 PM

i never heard of them before.. go read up

Mizrepresent September 27, 2008 at 3:32 PM

yes Eb, that is called GROWTH! Congratulations...you are wise beyond your years.

the.socialight September 29, 2008 at 1:36 AM

I meant 'Just Word' to this one. lol

Ms. Bar B: September 29, 2008 at 5:56 PM

Bravo to that realization. Everything that you've experienced thus far has just been a road map to where you are headed... so gon' and get there girl =)

Good luck.

..*..tlc..*.. October 1, 2008 at 2:19 AM

Wow this sounds just like me. Sometimes I feel so bored with myself but I don't feel like doing anything else but being alone in mu room. I like the idea of adding a new chapter.

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