Thought to Ponder : Dating

Dating should be less about matching outward circumstances than meeting your inner necessity.

Every time you date someone with an issue that you have to work to ignore, you’re settling.

Now ya'll know I always have a song for everything... it gets me through... now in this case... it didn't inspire me... just made me realize how dumb I am and how dumb other women are if they settle. Here is a song by Beyonce that was left off the B'day album called Settle 4 U. It talks about how he cheated and will probably cheat again but she just can't walk away and will just settle for him. Are you serious Bey... she said she's a sucker for love... but nah, ya tail got a real bad case of dickmotization that's all.


clnmike September 10, 2008 at 2:18 AM

Dickmotization? Lol, yall blogger know you can talk some good isht, lol.

But "Every time you date someone with an issue that you have to work to ignore, you’re settling."

That is gospel.

nicole September 10, 2008 at 4:13 AM

what happened bayyyyybyyyyy!!!!!!!!

i'm sangin the hell outta this song right now!!!!!!!!

MzInspiredMind81 September 10, 2008 at 8:06 AM

Eb, you hit it right on the head!! I myself have been a victim of settling, just to have male companionship {{shuddering}}. I'm not sure what's going on as to why us women settle just to say we got a piece of a man..sigh! BTW...thanks for "stopping by" and YEP...we are so new bffs!! Cowboy fans for life!

Blu Jewel September 10, 2008 at 9:19 AM

i almost choked when i read..."Every time you date someone with an issue that you have to work to ignore, you’re settling."

that's some of the realist shit i'v heard in a while. i really need to look further into this.


The True Urban Queen aka Sharon September 10, 2008 at 9:19 AM

I have settled once. Never again. It is bad for your health.
More stress than being alone.

Anonymous September 10, 2008 at 9:29 AM

I agree that dating should be less about matching outward circumstances but for me it doesn't happen often. There have been plenty of times where I've dated a guy that matched more of the outward circumstances than the inner necessity.

Totally agree with the second statement. For me, it depends on how big the issue is if I will move on. As I'm getting up there in age if I have to work to ignore the issue more than likely I will break it off. I've settled too many times in the past to continue to overlook issues I have a problem with.

Anonymous September 10, 2008 at 9:32 AM

i look like i'm still in my mid teens... but what they don't know won't kill em.. i ain't going down that road ever again....

Liz September 10, 2008 at 9:44 AM

dickmotization is funny! LMAO! but on the real... that is really what makes us settle. when it's good, chicks tend to overlook a lot of other issues. making excuses for every red flag... i've been victim of dickmotization myself in the past...

Shelia September 10, 2008 at 9:45 AM

Once you get to a point where you refuse to settle, you'll be so much happier in your dating life and relationships with men.

If you do choose to settle, accept what you get. YOu can't change a man. He is what he is. So many times women think she can be the one to get him to settle down. Not.

Food for thought: never settle for less than what you think you deserve.

Liz September 10, 2008 at 9:45 AM

AND wasn't beyonce talking about being independent and all that a few years ago? no she want to cater to u and all that jazz... poor girl

MP September 10, 2008 at 10:13 AM

i hate that that woman would fix her mouth to sing such a stupid song about how stupid she is. as if i needed another reason to hate her.

Jada September 10, 2008 at 10:45 AM

Every time you date someone with an issue that you have to work to ignore, you’re settling.


Unfortunatley I believe that we all settle here and there from time to time. But those of us who learn use our experiences to determine what we can and cannot, will and will not accept in future relationships.

Those who don't settle because they never realize their self-worth enough to believe that they deserve better.

Sweet KeiKei September 10, 2008 at 11:00 AM

if we know how 2 pussy whip them we aint gotta worry about dickmotization. my cuzzin got this nigga whipped n he told me its tha sex. i gave him the flava flav woooooowww. lol

Anonymous September 10, 2008 at 12:42 PM

A compromise anthem...Lawd help us! This is the song that we'll all be ashamed to sing, but have probably been through.

Smarty Jones September 10, 2008 at 12:48 PM

Well it looks like you got it to "ackin' right."
Nice thoughts to ponder. My mantra is if you settle you get exactly what you deserve.
Now I ain't settling for nothing! That's why I'm not pressed and in the meantime I'm working on me. I'm not good enough yet for the kind of man I want.
I want one who has his shit together spiritually, mentally and financially. I ain't there yet, so, if I'm not putting it out, I don't need to be asking for it. Feel me?!
As for Bey, she needs to get herself together and sit down with my sisters. When I was thirteen, they were 15 and 17, they told me, "dick comes a dime a dozen, don't let one make you lose your mind!"
Words to live by.

ANGELINA September 10, 2008 at 1:07 PM

i agree with smarty jones! i think many women are unhappy in relationships because they settle and they end up paying for it. i was in a 3 year relationship and it took me that long to realize i wasn't happy and he wasn't the right guy for me, no matter how perfect he seemed on the outside. let's hope beyonce isn't settling for jay-z lol...the money only goes so far

B September 10, 2008 at 1:11 PM

Okay, I died on that last one. So damn true...and sad. No more, no more. I'm lovin' the changes, sis!

Anonymous September 10, 2008 at 1:24 PM

BOOOO Settling can go kick rocks!

Frenglishtan September 10, 2008 at 2:32 PM

Thanks for stopping by my page, u'll always be my first...visitor to leave a comment that is...come back soon ;)

The Flyyest September 10, 2008 at 2:57 PM


thats too bad...i settled before... now!!! ill be DAMNED if ill settle for ANY NIGGA!!!!!

Ms. Lovely September 10, 2008 at 2:59 PM

After what i've been thru I refuse to settle for anyone. Theres no way i'd be happy way..Love the new layout chicka

Trina September 10, 2008 at 3:29 PM

settle? o-no-i-don't-think-so!! LOL - Really, it is about the moment, one song she sings is about settling, the next is "to da left, to da left..."!!

Keith September 10, 2008 at 4:28 PM

God I love your Blog....The Music,
the's definitely one of my top 5 favorite blogs...You be
jammin gurl. Love the Beyonce song.. How did you find it? The Solange song "Tony" is playing now.
When I come to your blog I just turn my speakers up...this is my cool out lounge. (Smiles)

Ness September 10, 2008 at 5:01 PM

I love all the comments I'm reading :)I have to say that we as women fall vicitm to settling from time to time because d*ck will make you do strange I agree, why settle when you can have so much more!

Raider_wifee September 10, 2008 at 6:26 PM

Eb - this has nothing to do with this post.. just had to pass this link on to you!!

You've been awarded the Certified Honest Blogger award by me!

Eb the Celeb September 10, 2008 at 6:52 PM

@clnmike - act like you aint ever had a chick dickmotized b4 if you want to... and if you havent then something might be wrong with your dont hurt me... I kid, I kid!

@nicole - lol you up here jamming to algebra... we are talking about dating

@mzinspired - I think we all have fell victim... men and women... i fell victim to it by waiting on a guy that I thought would change... men do it my wifeying up the chick with the fat ass knowing he cant bring her home to mama... nothing against chicks with big booties but I like one so I'm

@liz - like alexyss tylor says "good dick will make you slap somebody" lol

@sheila - i love your food for thought but the problem is that most women that settle dont know their worth... and dont believe that they can do better and that's why they settle

@mp - I bet she wont lie on this one and say she wrote it like she does with her big

@keikei - you already know your crazy so I have no words for

@b & ms. lovely- thx girlies... it took 2 damn days since blogger was acting a hot fool but I love it

@flyyest - glad to hear your not settling missy... you had me scared for a lil bit with that babydaddy situation and the jail bird

@keith - you're so sweet... thx for the love... because of my music blog I get sent a lot of music and have access to exclusive tracks on deejays sites from my radio days

@raiderwifee - thx so much for the love... who woulda thought that a cowboy fan and a raider fan could be blog

poison.ivy September 10, 2008 at 7:31 PM

i've settled...never sad the story

anyway...its my first time here....i'm lovin it! will be back

The Flyyest September 10, 2008 at 8:58 PM

LMAO!!! girl i had myself scared.... i came to my senses now!!!!! ill be cooh till i find my prince charming...

(i really do think he AINT in this weak ass state)

The F$%K it List September 10, 2008 at 9:45 PM

LOVE the new layout, I need help with mine. I want something different for the winter.

ok BEY what happen, I am so not feeling that song or settling. NO NO and NO.

Eb the Celeb September 10, 2008 at 10:29 PM

@flyyest - when is comes to ny, i cant even guarantee you'll get a mind until I get me one... but I can show you how to

@ f it - I aint an expert but holla at me... i know a lil html but not enough to build one myself..... only enough to make changes to an already existing one..

Kryssy September 11, 2008 at 12:14 AM

awww.. dang... that second comment is the TRUTHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I am (was) a dating fool.
Now I could throw up at the thought. LOL.

I love the song!!! =)

12kyle September 11, 2008 at 12:19 AM

never heard this song b4 but it's pretty good

you do have a song for everything. LOL

nice new look, sis

The Jaded NYer September 11, 2008 at 6:35 AM

"Every time you date someone with an issue that you have to work to ignore, you’re settling."

OK, I feel like you're talking to me right here... that is definitely a thought to ponder. Thanks for that!

FOW Ladies September 11, 2008 at 9:09 AM

love your blog. been a fan for while just never commented. great quotes.!

South Loop Social Light September 11, 2008 at 4:24 PM

"Every time you date someone with an issue that you have to work to ignore, you’re settling."

I agree with this statement. However, I think that you should never "work to ignore" something that's truly bothering you. Whether it be a legitimate issue with that person or possibly just a reflection of something you're working on - - life is too short to waste valuable time treading water in the dating pool.

Also, we need to not just have this quote pertain to dating...I believe that it can be applied across the board in terms of friendships, jobs, etc...if you're putting more into something than you're getting back or spending too much time "ignoring" or "looking over" faults,'s time to chuck the deuce and tell whoever to kick rocks!

Zanade September 11, 2008 at 7:11 PM

I love this post! Wow I have a lot to say... some women settle but not this DIVA F*** that lol

Kudos ma!


Help keep this site up and running

and be sure to follow @thegirthpodcast instagram for hilarious sex memes and on twitter episode highlights and daily sex articles.

My Renaissance People aka Blog Subscribers