Heart vs. Mind

You ever know that someone is really wrong for you, but because your heart feels so strongly you try to justify it to your mind. My heart and my mind have been at war on several occasions. Sometimes its because of my rules. For instance my mind may be telling me not to talk to that man because he has a kid, or he may not be as tall as I usually like them, but then your heart makes you fall for them anyway. Or maybe they are just trifling, known for being a player, used to date one of your friends, already has a girlfriend, etc. and for some reason your heart wants to push all that to the side and engage anyway, when all the while your mind is telling you "no." Well I wrote a poem about it a couple years ago, and I'm feeling compelled to share it right now. My current situation has nothing to do with how this one played out, but my mind and heart are at war right now. I set a boundary for myself as this type of guy being one that I would never date, and an opportunity has presented itself that may change my perception on dating this type of guy. I realized it last night when for the first time, our conversation took a serious turn where we always only looked at each other as friends, or for the most part just business, but challenged each other physically for the first time. A thought that had never crossed my mind but now I am entertaining the possibility. Even did something last night that was extremely out of character for me and ordered a little something that will arrive next week on his birthday. Extremely out of character because I never do anything that nice for someone whose not my man. I know weird right, because before yesterday never even felt a connection with him and always kept him at arm's length because our past encounters have always been about business. I mean we've known each other for 2 years and I didn't even look at him with any sort of attraction until this past December. The first real inkling of something more came about when I was in New Orleans a couple weeks ago, but he was drunk so I ignored his advances. And then boom, yesterday the conversation came back up and he reminded me that he wasn't drunk to the point where he doesn't remember everything he said to me. But anyway, this post has gotten longer than I expected. I was just suppose to share the poem and get out. So here it is:

Heart vs. Mind

Finally admitted to myself that I like him
But what's the point
He'll never tell how he truly feels about me
He feels he's already found his ride or die chick
And I'm just a convenient substitute
But the fact that he has let me in a little
Challenges my heart and mind

My heart wants to believe that he just feels obligated to her
For what she has been to him in the past
And he just doesn't know how to break free
And let his heart be with me
But my mind knows that he truly loves her
And that's why he wont completely let me in
The 2 possibilities have me walking on egg shells
The slightest push could leave me wading in the water alone
And them together in a beautiful oasis
So my heart stays quiet
But then I get to thinking...
Maybe he's waiting for me to make the first move
And maybe she's the conveniency because he already knows how she feels
And is still looking for other things in me
But what void am I filling
Is it just physical because she's not right here
Is it just business because of the knowledge and potential I have
Or is it something more

My heart wants to believe there is
But my mind just doesn't know
My love is urgent like a muthafucka
And he's acting like a snail in his shell
I wish he would just open up
At least then I would know
And my heart and mind could stop going back and forth
Tell me we have nothing if that's how you feel
My heart has been hurt before
Tell me you want me but that it's just bad timing
So that my heart and mind can stop this war
Tell me it's business, you accidentally turned to pleasure
So that my mind can be at ease
My heart is locked while my mind is open
But your the only one with the keys

Copyright © 2005 by Jonesin' Enterprises All rights reserved worldwide. No part of this may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without prior written permission.


Anonymous March 10, 2008 at 2:20 PM

Dang keys! Time for a combination lock....a safe...a vault...with a time lock!

Nicely done.

12kyle March 10, 2008 at 4:35 PM

Hmmmm...where do I start.

I think that you should go with your head. Your mind is open but your mind won't steer you wrong. Your mind will prevent you from making a decision based on an emotion. Your heart won't. Your heart will remind you of how good you might feel right now but maybe won't alert you about how you will feel later. It sounds like he's relying on his mind. The agenda is to challenge you mentally to move from making a mental decision to an emotional one. This might not be a popular decision (from within) but it may be the one that lies in your best interest.

Don March 10, 2008 at 4:43 PM

I feel you ebonne. And I knew you were down in the NO doing something you had no business doing. But yeah I do feel you. The Heart vs The Mind...its so complicated. I think you have to go through it. That ways you will be able to discern.

Eb the Celeb March 10, 2008 at 5:02 PM

Thanks G, I'm trying to be like you

@kyle - I feel you... thus the reason for the post... trying to assess all of it, make it make sense to me, you know, The heart vs. mind thing is with his profession. I promised myself I would never date someone or get involved with someone with his profession, so that's a decision I am going to have to make before my heart even gets involved...

@Don - 1st of all, I did nothin in NO that I had no business doing... thank you very much... I am grown... I;ve been thew it before and if it gets to that point, I want to be smarter about it this go round. Last time my heart got me in trouble, I'm not afraid of getting hurt again, and this post is a little premature since there aint really a heart situation per say, but I'm trying to tackling the situation within myself first before the heart does get involved so I can make a more sane decision and not one that is based truly on how I'm feeling.

swag_ambassador March 10, 2008 at 6:13 PM

urgent like a muthafucka.... :)
well, whats that saying that people always say about ya heart tellin ya to do what ya mind wont or somethin like that?... hmm.

eclectik March 10, 2008 at 6:40 PM

Deep and lovely.
I dig it

I say Mind...heart...feh.

Do what makes you feel happy...enjoy yourself

Lists are for groceries...you dont have to get everything...but just a few items could make a wonderful meal


Eb the Celeb March 10, 2008 at 6:44 PM

I love my blog men... thanks all for your advice... but where my ladies at?

Mizrepresent March 10, 2008 at 7:15 PM

Eb, if the only thing holding you back is his position, then i would say let whatever is taking place materialize...if you've never dated someone in the same profession and your reasons for abstaining are based on OPO's (other peoples opinions)...or a past mistake...it's true we can't judge everyone by what someone else said or did to us. I think you have already settled the battle.

YES! I'm the Fabulously Dorky Author exiled to the E-List who loves to dish Gourmet-Style! March 10, 2008 at 8:00 PM

All I have to say to you is you've got NOTHING but time to make the best decision for YOU. There's no rush to put it all on the table (esp considering you on't know what the hell to put on the damn table).
Time will reveal ALL!

I know I been M.I.A. but I'm back and with a crazy game plan, but you know how I do!
I know I missed the PAR-TAE... was it off the hook?

Anonymous March 10, 2008 at 8:10 PM

Life is about to get interesting for you...

Anonymous March 10, 2008 at 8:14 PM

Umm, which part does your gut belongs to?
I'm going to say let it flow, keep it going as to see where things go. Sometimes well, they way i see it at times its.. all about having an experience that helps you further in life....

look at Don, causing problems lol...

Anonymous March 10, 2008 at 8:49 PM

Eb, I say just go with the flow. Live in the moment. Don't cause your mind and heart to be in disarray when nothing is concrete yet. You are both obviously enjoying each others' presence in your lives. Take that for what it is and go with where that takes you.

Sometimes we get so caught up in situations that we can alter the outcome. As Jill sings, whatever it is...let it be.

MsPuddin March 10, 2008 at 8:56 PM

just remember sex changes everything, but sometimes the best relationships bloom from friendship...


Seven March 10, 2008 at 10:14 PM

Matters of the heart seem to never make sense. Been there...the mind v. heart thing. I've learned to go with my mind because things tend to get messy later on.

1/3 of what I used to be March 10, 2008 at 10:45 PM

I agree with ms. pudding. One of my best relationships bloomed from a strictly(and I do mean strictly lol) platonic friendship. It was a great experience:-) But put your mind over your heart in this matter. You know whats best for you.

dejanae March 10, 2008 at 11:08 PM

it's not really an or situation
find the balance between both
best way to go about it

The Jaded NYer March 10, 2008 at 11:33 PM

I'm terrible at these things; I just stay behind my brick wall and keep dudes at a distance.

All I can offer you is: make the choice that will leave you with the fewest regrets.

Feel free to cuss me out for that one LOL

Skoolboi Krush March 10, 2008 at 11:46 PM

I don't even think you have a decision to make. You are over analyzing the situation. Just have fun and enjoy yourself. You aren't about to get married or anything.

soupasexy March 11, 2008 at 1:17 AM

yeah gal i can totally relate to this, its crazy but av deciced to go with my head..

Don March 11, 2008 at 7:07 AM

@ ebonne: mercy. well i know what not to say to you anymore. are you mad because this is the person who merc'd your boy?


Eb the Celeb March 11, 2008 at 8:10 AM

@puddin - you are a trip... how did we go from me not even knowing if I want to talk to him to having sex... girl you know you crazy

@Krush - you always shut me down extra hard, do I really overanalyze every situation... actually who am I kidding, I do, but I like to overanalyze early before its even anything to try and rid myself of the riff raff before. Cuz I'm crazy, I'll cut a nig...lol, so I'd rather it not get to that point! Chicks that get to that point didnt analyze the situation from the gate... That's how I like to look at it...LOL!

@Don - I hate you soooooo much!

@everybody - thanks for your advice, everything is still up in the air. I don't know if I will ever be at ease with his profession... so I am going to just let it flow and see if anything unfolds. Sometimes I man shouldn't be judged for what he does for a living and black men have to deal with so many labels their whole life, I don't want to miss out on a good thing because of a stereotype society has put in my head about these types of guys. So we'll see!

Anonymous March 11, 2008 at 11:33 AM

You're telling my story sista. I so want to believe that this brother is going to do right by me, but he aint sayin' nothin. And until he's sayin' something, he aint really sayin' nothin'. Ya feel me?

Eb the Celeb March 11, 2008 at 11:42 AM

@Bap - Girl I feel you to no end!

James Tubman March 11, 2008 at 8:35 PM

independent women hahaha

if you all are so "independent" why do you wait for the guy to intiate things

why can't you be forth right and tell them exactly how you feel whether he says no or not.

if you are really friends with them shouldn't you be able to talk about these things

if you want to show how independent you are approach him with your real feelings and stop being scared

stop on by if you need some guidance

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