My formulation of requirements

So I finished up Steve Harvey's book this past weekend and in Chapter 9 : Men Respect Standards - Get Some, he lists 10 questions to help you really think about things you require in a mate. He leaves space for you to jot the answers down in the book, but I chose to share them with my blog fam. Feel free to partake and list them on your own blogs. So here we go:

1. What specific kind of man are you looking for? (for example, funny? hardworking? generous?)
I'm looking for a man that is honest, fun, likes to travel, loves sports, is spontaneous, ambitious, hard working, tall, chocolate... seriously I could go forever on this one so I'll just stop there.


2. How do you expect to be pursued? (Do you want regular phone calls? Text messages? Dates at least three times a week? Do you want him to always pick up the tab?)
Initially I don't like overload. After I give you my phone number its common courtesy to call within a couple days. If you wait a week to call me, and you weren't all that, chances are that I have forgot who the hell you are anyway. I'm not the type of chick that likes to talk to someone everyday in the early stages, 2-3 times a week is good if the conversation is good. Also initially text messaging does not suffice. How are we going to get to know each other in 140 characters? After we've been out on a date I don't mind it and after a couple dates I'll probably be the one initiating it. In an ideal situation we'd go on say 3 dates/month. That's a little less than once a week. Anymore than that is great but at least that. I definitely think the first 3 dates should be paid by the man. If its a first date and we're not really feelin' each other, I don't mind paying my share because I'll never be seeing you again, but if we're feelin' each other, after the 3rd date, its nothing for me to offer to pay.


3. What level of commitment do you expect? (Do you want an open relationship? Or to date exclusively? Should it be up for discussion?)
I think after 6 months a conversation needs to be had as to what your intentions are with each other and where the situation is going. I'm not in college anymore and not really looking for the casual thing over and over and over again. I'm at a point where I'm not looking for my husband but I am looking to be in a stable relationship for however long it can lasts if the right person comes along.


4. What kind of financial security do you expect this man to have? (Do you want him to be rich? Do you want him to make more money than you? Are you okay with a blue-collar worker?)
I expect him to at least be able to pay his own bills because I'm not paying them. But I don't expect him to be wealthy. I'm on my way to the top so I don't expect anyone to be farther along that I have if they are my age. For the most part, a man's profession doesn't bother me, its the approach. If a fine brother that's a garbage man holla's at me while we're at a happy hour and comes correct and has some engaging conversation, I will entertain the possibility. But if he is trying to holla at me while he's throwing my trash in the back of the stinky leaking truck and pushing the lever down to make the trash disappear into God knows where inside that truck, than he has no chance of getting my number.


5. Do you want a man who wants kids and is family oriented?
Definitely want someone who wants kids and is family oriented. I am very close with my family and am the oldest of 5 siblings with an additional 4 step sisters. I want someone who is comfortable around the big Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners and Memorial Day and 4th of July cook outs.


6. Does he have to be religious/spiritual?
I'm not religious so no, but I do want him to be spiritual. I want him to believe in God, and believe in having a relationship with him, but he doesn't have to go to church every Sunday or at all, because I believe in you have a relationship with God early on and don't go to church now, you will eventually end up going to church. My paternal grandmother grew up in the church, didn't go all of her adult life, and then started back going regularly when I was in college.


7. Do you mind if he's a divorce' or has kids?
I would prefer he doesn't have any of the baggage that comes with divorce and having kids but the fact of the matter is there aren't too many out there that don't have kids whether they've been married before or not, so I would prefer that they don't have more than 1 kid.


8. Can you help a man build his dream? Can you adapt to his plan?
I think I can. I am a very supportive girlfriend when it comes to dreams and ambitions because I have big ones. I also feel if its someone I really love that I could adapt and be of help. As long as its not some get rich quick scheme. It needs to be a logical plan that has purpose and potential for success.


9. What do you expect of his family? (Should you get along with his mother? Do you care if he doesn't get along with her? Or if his father was never around?)
I expect his family to respect me and our relationship. I would like to get along with his family but I am really a love me or hate me chick. Usually people are never in between or so so about me. They either love me to death or they can't stand me and I am ready for either when it comes to a mate's family. I think a man's relationship with his mother, under normal circumstances, is really a reflection on how they value women so I would hope that he does get along with his mom but isn't a mama's boy. Whether or not he grew up with a father in the home is not important to me.

10. What should he be willing to do to woo you? (Should he pursue you? Give expensive gifts?)
He should be willing to do anything that doesn't compromise his own integrity. I'm not big on expensive gifts, I'm big on men that listen. If we're out walking and I say, oh I heard that restaurant is really good and then our next date we're eating at that restaurant to find out, then that is more meaningful to me. You know I feen for Vanilla icecream all the time, your coming over to visit on a hot summer day and you bring some with you without being asked. Little things like that are more important to be than anything expensive because if the relationship ends, they can always get pawned.

23 comments

Kayos March 4, 2009 at 10:08 AM

I finished his book in 4 hours. It was really good.

I wasn't surprised but he did make alot of stuff clear. Like a real man. He never talked about the knucklehead. He talked about them but He always made sure he differentiated between the real man and the knucklehead. I love that about this book.

I think you have the right idea but Eb, you already had standards. You outlined them in your entries.

Emeritus March 4, 2009 at 10:08 AM

"I expect him to at least be able to pay his own bills because I'm not paying them."

You ain't nevah lied. I know 28 year old men that still live at home. Smdh

Lina March 4, 2009 at 10:11 AM

We have a lot of similar likes....very interesting.

I definitely may have to jack this.

Thoughts of a Southern gal March 4, 2009 at 10:40 AM

I'm going to answer these questions on my blog.

Lol @ a dude trying to holla while picking up the trash. That is the wrong time to try to get a number.

kay* March 4, 2009 at 10:52 AM

these are really good questions to think about...love your answers.

hmmm, perhaps i'll do it on my blog...

12kyle March 4, 2009 at 11:28 AM

I didn't read the book but I've heard good things about it. Sounds like he's offered a different perspective for you as you move to find that new mate.

It's gonna happen sooner than you think. Trust me.

Keith March 4, 2009 at 8:18 PM

I thought your answers were well thought out and reasonable.

The F$%K it List March 4, 2009 at 8:22 PM

I haven't read Steve harvey's book, but I might just read it for the insight. Its probably better than "he's just not that into you"

Ness March 4, 2009 at 9:23 PM

I wanted to get this book b/c I thought it would be good. I like Steve Harvey....

I actually suggested this as a book for this book club that I'm in....so I hope it's a discussion holder ;)
But it sounds like it is ;)

Ms. Liryc March 4, 2009 at 9:55 PM

I have to seriously get this book, and when I do I'll do this and link it back to you!

I like that steve put this in his book. I was always told that when you want something you should write it down and its put in the atmosphere, its also a release. I like that..

I definitely have to get this book.

IntrospectiveGoddess March 5, 2009 at 2:32 AM

I made something like this list on my own in my own little personal diary on my laptop, it really just was based on a guy's qualities, but i like the depth to his questions like how do you want to be courted and how would you want to get along with his family..standards like that are important

Sometimes I feel like I have to memorize my standards cus I think when I'm out and I see a guy that tickles my fancy some of my standards go out the window

100K March 5, 2009 at 2:40 AM

"Also initially text messaging does not suffice. How are we going to get to know each other in 140 characters?"

guilty

Angel March 5, 2009 at 3:52 AM

LOL @ the trash can guy, I agree with you sis!

Sounds like a good book

Veronica Wright March 5, 2009 at 6:45 AM

I'm hearing rave reviews about this book. I might have to go sit at Barnes and Noble and read it soon and if I like it, I'll take it home.

Mr.Socialight March 5, 2009 at 9:20 AM

word. best to you on your journey.

Kryssy March 5, 2009 at 10:49 AM

omg... I'm reading this (excellent) book too, and I just hit Chapter 9 yesterday. I don't want to read your answers until I answer myself... so I'll be back. lol

Eb the Celeb March 5, 2009 at 12:29 PM

@intro - lawd I think we all have that problem... when they fine as all get up we put up with ish that we usually wouldn't... they hit you in that plays that makes ya panties wet and ya brain cells start wilting away...lol

Epsilonicus March 5, 2009 at 12:57 PM

Now I know the way to your heart is Vanilla ice cream lol

These are some good questions. Men need to ask these of their potential mate. I need this Steve Harvey book. Send me the title.

Soulstress March 5, 2009 at 2:01 PM

sounds good to me..if u find him...let me kno if he has a brother ok;)

Sha Boogie March 5, 2009 at 7:07 PM

I def want to read his book..

I 'bent' so many of my 'rules' for Snappy, that I stood cement firm on the marriage with baby. I told him, I bent my rules about dating a man with child and living with a man before marriage, but I will not bend on putting a rang on it before this baby comes, hmph! lol

Blu Jewel March 5, 2009 at 9:40 PM

I think both men and women need to consider these questions when they're out there dating and considering relationships. What ultimately must be the case for me is that I AM secure in who I am and what I want BEFORE I engage in romance. This way I'm less likely to compromise on anything I may have mentally listed in my dating criteria.

I loved your answers to the questions; very honest and straight forward. And I'm with you on the love me or leave me alone mindset.

Love to live; live to love!

accutie March 9, 2009 at 7:17 PM

I'm only 17, but...I want a man too! lol and it's definitley important to have standards, otherwise it won't last past a couple months.

side note: love the soundtrack!

CCGroovy!!! March 11, 2009 at 5:35 PM

This is AMAZING!!!

Mature, and refreshingly Honest!!!

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