Bouncers are going to be the death of me

My name is Eb, and I have a fetish for bouncers!

So this new gig I'm working has me in the club Thurs-Sat nights. Different clubs in NYC casting for this reality show for the next 6 weeks. This past weekend was my first weekend and I realized I need to go to some sort of counseling to get over my fetish for bouncers. I never noticed it before, but now that I look back on my college days, there was always 1 bouncer at each club that was like my Bouncer Boo. That I would flirt with all night, could go to to skip the line, would grab his ass in passing when he was working, give him side eyes when he was ruffing someone up too bad (when they let their ego get the best of them) and it doesn't hurt that their usually some cuties with brolic bodies and almost always tall and chocolate. Never really dated one back then. Had one that was the biggest hoe and part of me wanted to see what all the fuss was about but we kept the flirting in the club. There was one that was married with a kid that til this day is still the finest bouncer I have ever seen in my life, and he wasn't even chocolate, he was caramel, so you know he was fine if I thought about indulging even though he wasn't chocolate. He was really testing my strength, but I believe heavily in karma and never let anything go down, even though he was really playing up the story about only marrying her because she got pregnant. Whatever, I have never been that dumb when it comes to men thank God.

Semipro was the first bouncer I actually dated. Seeing and knowing the lifestyle for a while now, I don't even know why I ever dated him. I know they have chicks all in their face all night and everytime they go out. I could have saved myself a lot of headaches if I had kept the don't bring em home mentality that I had back in college.

Either way, this new gig has me in clubs I've never been in before, with bouncers I've never seen before and they are making me weak in the knees. OMG, Friday night there was this sexy 6'3-ish chocolate something that I would have made love with in the club if I'd had 5 or more drinks in me. The sexiest eyes (think Chris Paul), his chest was poppin. We were flirting with each other all night but just with eyes. But he kept walking by and brushing up against me. Finally by the end of the night, I whispered in his ear, the next time you brush up against me like that, I'm gonna grab your ass. He goes, don't wait... grab it now... I grinned from ear to ear. Didn't grab it though. Saw this fool deliberately cut through the whole club to get on my side like 15min later... so I grabbed it then...lol.

He was standing outside the club when I left and waved for me to come and talk to him but a cab was right there when I walked out so I acted like I didn't see him and got in the cab. He comes up to the cab so he knows I see him and waves goodbye. I wave and the cab drives off. I'm glad I was strong because bouncers are going to be the death of me. It is in their blood, their nature to be players. They have chicks in their face all the damn time. I know how they turn me on, and there are a hundred other chicks checking for them when they're out too. So I dodged the bullet, spared myself another heartbreak, because even in the way he walked around the club, he knew his arse was fine. The same damn way Semipro walks around the club like a damn Mandingo warrior that had my panties wet the moment I saw him and still do everytime I see him in the club. The swag is what attracts the ladies. Their demeanor is what separates the regular security from the BYLTF (bouncers you'd like to f*ck) and you can tell the difference between the two instantly.

I don't want to be attracted to them, but they have a special place in my clitoris. Hanging on it heavy and won't let go. So this new gig is definitely going to be a problem. I can see that dude being a problem too. The Executive Producer of the show, loved this club, so we're going to be taping there again. I'm not so sure I'll be strong enough to fend him off another night...ugh! Bouncers are truly going to be the death of me!




PS - I've also been exposed to some fine arse white boys that I would have never seen in the spots I frequent. May catch me a lil something new in the process as well...lol.

30 comments

Just Jasmine March 16, 2009 at 11:14 AM

Yeah I love me a good bouncer. It's not all of them but man oh man... good times

Thoughts of a Southern gal March 16, 2009 at 11:31 AM

they have a special place in my clitoris...LOL You silly for this Eb. But that's how I feel about football players.

Eb the Celeb March 16, 2009 at 11:43 AM

@Southern Gal - Dont you know that bouncers aint nothing but football players that didn't make the league... the booty tells you so... They never lose the booty... Yyyessssss!!!

Soulstress March 16, 2009 at 11:53 AM

bouncers/security be tryin to holla at me all the time but i'm more of a bartender type gal..cute+can make a DRANK=the bizness haha. But there was one security guy that i flirted w/ all the time...miss him. hehe.

and aint nuthin wrong w/ a lil sumthin new;)

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts March 16, 2009 at 11:55 AM

Girl...girl...girl! I so know what you mean!! mmmm mmmmmm mmmmm.

A.Smith March 16, 2009 at 12:04 PM

I'm definitely dying laughing at this.

We all have a weakness for something, huh?

Beautifully.Conjured.Up March 16, 2009 at 12:08 PM

Don't worry...you're just going through a "Dick-Me-Down" phase since you haven't had any...it's natural.

Sherria March 16, 2009 at 12:14 PM

I used to feel the same way about police officers. They are such jerks---especially the one I dated---but, boy oh boy did he make me feel good. I loved the way he made me feel---and the aggression---Good Lawd-----but can't stand their asses!!!

Kayos March 16, 2009 at 12:40 PM

Bouncers!!! Nothin but athletes who didn't make the league or tryna find their way into the wrestling ring. All you gotta do is look at the body!

Girl go ahead an get you some of that. Even if it means you need to try something new!!

[Emeritus] March 16, 2009 at 12:56 PM

the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. hahahaa.

loved this post.

my friend has the same weakness for bouncers and as i was reading, i was replaying her bouncer drama in my head. matches to a T. lol.

can't wait to hear how you are handling this new temptation.

Sha Boogie March 16, 2009 at 1:10 PM

MmmmmmMMmm!!! Gurl, who you telling? Back in the day I worked for a liquor company, so I stayed in the club flirting with them big ol' sexy thing!!!! Lawd...be a fence all around me (and Eb..) please!!!

MzInspiredMind81 March 16, 2009 at 1:20 PM

LMAO about the 'special place in your clitoris' but dam do I know 'that' feeling....a man in uniform does the same to me...

*B* Fab March 16, 2009 at 1:53 PM

i feel you!!! there was this club my girls and I would go to just for the bouncers lol! too bad that club shut down :-(

Eb the Celeb March 16, 2009 at 2:24 PM

@Soulstress - You are always the advocate for me trying something new. I'm almost there...lol; def b4 the year its out I'm gon try me something...lol

@sha - lol @ put a fence around me... cuz yes I need it!

YoungBlackBeauty March 16, 2009 at 2:59 PM

"I don't want to be attracted to them, but they have a special place in my clitoris."

DEAD! So very DEAD! LOL!

Pass one to me. The bouncers in my city are whack and dirty. Im moving to NY.

buttahflychronicles March 16, 2009 at 4:28 PM

Hmmmm, I'm thinking that you just started flirting with them on the regular so that you could get the perks that come with having their favor. After a while, you forgot this and really started liking them because it seemed so natural. Only now, you're wondering what could be wrong with you. I think you alright. If you stop flirting with them, you could loose a lot of perks which translates to $$$ from time to time. If they find out you flirt just for the perks, it won't work anymore. Just keeping having these little talks with yourself and you should be cool.

Keith March 16, 2009 at 4:37 PM

This is too funny...I had a comment,but I forgot it..too busy laughing.

"They have a special place in my'clitoris."

Too Funny! Girl you crazy..but that's why I come over here err day, I'm never disapointed..always entertained.

Ma'at March 16, 2009 at 5:24 PM

I can help you Eb, go to the club in Nashville, the bouncers are never fine lmao.

(fŭng'kē) [blak] [chik] March 16, 2009 at 6:04 PM

I may have to see if you know my bouncer ex..lol!

Miss BB is... March 16, 2009 at 8:34 PM

I've seen a lot of bouncers I'm attracted to; I think it's that football build I LOVE.

A.M. March 16, 2009 at 11:06 PM

lucky u, for the most part i have been afraid of bouncers. just turned 21 and before that it was just like, "damn I hope this dude thinks I look something like this ID." Didn't have time to check them out lol.

Kryssy March 16, 2009 at 11:24 PM

All the bouncers in Dallas are gorilla ugly. come down here and you'll be instantly cured of your bouncer-itis...

Veronica Wright March 17, 2009 at 7:18 AM

OOOH you bring back a particular bouncer memory!!!

He was 6'4 and cut up like...OOH! with locs...OOH he was fine..so I had a few drinks in me so i approached him and spit a few lines. This dude started talking and sounded like my baby cousin with lispa dn his grill was :-O. He wanted to exchange numbers so I just took his..i couldn't get away fast enough! LMAO! Needless to say I never called.

Eb the Celeb March 17, 2009 at 9:03 AM

@butterfly - There are no perks in NYC. That was back in NC. The cute bouncers are always inside... Never the ones standing outside checking your ID in NY, so I'm flirting cuz they fine! But yes, putting it out there is definitely, hopefully, going to help me get over this fetish.

Epsilonicus March 17, 2009 at 9:18 AM

We need to get you to a Bouncers Anonymous immediately!!

Oyin March 17, 2009 at 10:05 AM

lol @ BCU...dick me down..never heard of such...


anyways, left something for you hun

MsKnowitAll March 17, 2009 at 3:44 PM

Hey Eb!

I am attracted to the bouncer types... it's that big sexy thing they have... oh well...

T.C. March 18, 2009 at 12:08 PM

You are CLASSIC it must just be the NYC bouncers because down here in the DMV ummm not so much...lol

Jillian March 18, 2009 at 12:31 PM

LOL @ special place in my clitoris

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