Steve Harvey done started something now. So I got his book in the mail Monday evening and haven't been able to put it down since I did. I'm a little past the half way mark and will probably be done by the end of the week. Courtesy of Steve Harvey I had an airing it out session with Semipro last night. Told him how I felt about the last year, how he would have acted in certain situations if he really cared (based on what the book said), why I did certain things, the reasons he lasted so long because I would have been quit anyone else. I had had too much Nuvo, I mean it was open bar at this King Mag party so I really aired everything out, so I guess I can't blame it completely on Steve. It wasn't a tell off session though. We actually had a conversation. I expressed the reasons I was more lenient with him than I've been with others in the past, he in turn would say he didn't like when I tried to know too much and get mad at him when he doesn't open up.
Men are officially dumb. When you are talking to someone isn't that the whole point, your getting to know them right? But whatever. Steve said men aren't mind readers so if we don't tell them how we feel they wont know and assume that everything is okay. So I let his arse know. Every inkling of everything that ever got on my nerves. We literally talked from 1am-4am, going back and forth through every interaction over the past year and some change. Do you know that we didn't even agree on the night we met. This fool tried to play me like I was the one who offered my number to him, that he didn't ask. LMAO, not even in my character... but him being nonchalant about the order of events, was another light bulb.
So after that air out session I think we learned an extreme amount about each other. I learned that he's a nutcase and a weirdo. Certain things in the book that Steve expresses you know you have one that cares he does, and then there ish he does that are also in the bullet points that dude just considers you an option and not a priority. I spazzed on him one time and said "I know I'm a mofo catch!" Ha, that makes me laugh, I know I am but I don't think I've ever said that mess out loud before, let alone to a dude that isn't acting right, I usually just move on and know that its their loss. Most importantly I learned, that he is not the man I want him to be or need him to be and probably will never be. I'd already moved on but his sexiness lures me back in from time to time that clouds my logic. After last night I think it will be a lot easier to ignore him or busy myself when he wants to "chill."
So biggups to Steve Harvey for making things plain that we already know about men, but just don't know how to apply it to our lives. Nothing in the book is new or something I haven't heard before from my boys, but he writes it in a way that makes you reflect on your own situations and gives you the confidance to expect more out of relationships and be happy in them or let them go. He touches on how a man really ticks, and how the slightest phrase that you may feel is your everyday speech will instantly label you a jumpoff or potential wifey.
I learned that men in general are simple, but in the same token extremely complicated because our minds work in an extremely different way. So being a woman, I am still completely confused as to the reasoning that men do certain ish. That's one thing Steve doesn't touch on, or hasn't so far is the logic behind it. He simply says, that's how it is, that's just how we are, so I will remain irked by that fact that men have no reasoning behind driving us crazy. Women do things for a purpose, we have a motive, its thought out, and usually warrants a certain response. Men on the other hand do not, unless getting the panties is involved, which is the above all, end all ultimate goal.
Anyhoo, this RBW is definitely endorsing the book to all my wonderful Renaissance Black Women out there. I'll probably revisit and do a mini book review or something when I'm finished but I just had to get that out while its fresh on my mind.
43 comments
Hmmm...I might have to pick this up. Or you could send it to me when you're done. LOL
I'm waiting on this one in the mail. Steve breaks it down every morning on his show. Can't wait to read it...
See...me being a man...a thinking man at that...I refuse and deny that men are dumb and ignorant. True, men are not mind readers, and women definitely aren't either. Trust, there is a method to our 'madness', and that method we will like never ever share to women. Why? Because alot of you try to force yourselves into what we think and who we are, and we're brought up to be this brick wall, and you just can't undo that, no matter how much you want us to. Women give off the most complex signals...like they want us to be all caring and sensitive around them, but be hard and non moving elsewhere...and sometimes even in front of them. But you never quite know what stance to give when.
I'm not taking up for your boy Semipro, cause I have no idea about him or how he works. But I do know that if communication was involved, like serious communication, alot of problems between men and women wouldn't even occur or just be a moot point. We both assume that the other person knows how we feel or what we think, but in all honesty, neither of us do, and we're all just assuming. And as men, when there are no signs of anything, we just assume that shit is cool and fine, when in actuality on your end, it may not be. You do yourself a total disservice for not speaking up, and then get mad when we don't know whats going on. That's causing alot of unnecessary frustration and resentment on your end, when you could be talking about what ails you, and you two could be working together.
I dunno...I feel like I'm just rambling now...but that's just how it is unfortunately.
-Charles
I've been hearing great things about the book. If you listen to his morning show, you get a couple pearls of wisdom from him daily. I need to start applying these things to my dating life (or lack thereof). Maybe I'll have a decent one now. But I still think no matter how many books we read, we'll never think like men. That woman gene will kick in it, eventually. It's inevitable.
Daaaaang Charles - You went in. Not dumb literally... like I say all the time women are crazy... that isn't literally is just we dont get each other... I'm not the nagging type of chick... so you will see that its written all over my face that I'm pissed... I'm not going to constantly nag you about ish that I dont like or when you piss me off. He knew when I was pissed about ish, but to avoid confrontation... if I dont bring it up, we never talk about it... and most times I wouldn't I would just let it go. My problem is you know I'm pissed and why so you should just come out and say yo.. blah blah shouldn't have went down like that and so on, I shouldnt have to nag you to acknowledge that something you did was f'd up.
My problem is I'm an overanalyzer when it comes to men and more times than not, ya'll really ain't that deep, so most times I'm looking into ish that ain't even there.
@Southern_Lady - I dont think we ever will either because there's no logic behind it, and how can you think a certain way when you dont understand the reasoning behind it.
thanks for the review. i've had this on hold at B&N for like a week now. lol... i'm pretty sure they've put it back on the shelf. anyway, i'm torn about buying it b/c i don't want to pay for something i've heard b4. but, i might actually go and pick this one up...
Yeah I definetly felt that you should have pieced semipro out like last fall, I'm glad that you got the clarity you needed but I honestly feel like you need to cut his shit off for real, cuz from the way you described it you guys talked but you never really let him know that you were done with him and since it seems that he is the kind of guy that if you dont say it flat out he isnt going to acknowledge it, I think you just need to tell him flat out that his presence in your life is not needed....
@Intro - LMAO... yeah you were telling me to drop him. And I prolly didnt make it clear here but he knows I'm done with the situation, but he knows that its political reasons why I'm done and that I do still like him. That's why he still comes around and I enjoy his company so its hard when he wants to chill to say no. I just gotta busy myself, then I wont have time to chill when he wants to. Having a job would help to...lol
I saw him on the Today show last week talking about his book. It sounded interesting and now that it has your seal of approval I may pick it up if I ever start dating again.
On thing that I do like is that he says that men aren't mind readers and they really aren't even all that intuitive sometimes and I think that women tend to over look that fact way too often.
The fact that men don't have a reason or don't seem to feel they need a reason for their actions may be Harvey's biggest point about thinking like a man.
Frankly, you're lucky Semipro gave you 1am- 4am of rehashing of events. Most men wouldn't give you that or they would just look at you like you're crazy for wanting all that info. I think this makes y'all friends if nothing else. He cares on a level, just not the way you want him to. But he never was what you wanted him to be and I'm glad you are slowly but surely moving on.
I'm going to cop that book even though like you, I prolly know half the stuff and I've been told I think like a man.
@Intro and Eb
it's not hard to say no. honestly it isn't. goodness i must have no heart. i take pleasure in saying no. makes you less of a push-over. practice in your mirror. and if you know you're going to say yes, just don't pick up your phone. don't ever pick up until you're sure you can say no. lol
I have heard alot about this book...i am definitely going to get it today!!
I agree with what Charles said and one thing I would add is that, IMO, one of the reasons men & women have trouble understanding each other is that men simplify while women seem to complicate. Eb, you mention that you're an overanalyzer...I've YET to meet a woman who ISNT.
Lastly, you say "Women do things for a purpose, we have a motive, its thought out, and usually warrants a certain response. Men on the other hand do not, unless getting the panties is involved, which is the above all, end all ultimate goal." You dont really believe THAT, do you? Because if thats the impression you're getting from Steve's book, it might be doing you more harm than good.
I'm #3 on my library's waiting list for this book but I think I'm going to go ahead and order it for my personal library. I've heard good things.
I've heard nothing but good things about this book. I plan on picking it up soon. I listen to his show every morning and Steve ALWAYS drop knowledge.
Ok so know you have really piqued my interest in getting this book. I think I have to get it now.
lol @ charles going hard. i ain't even read it all but i know he had some legit shit to say. he usually does.
thanks for the recommendation though. i've been hearing alot about this book lately so i guess that means i have to pick it up.
I read about this book on another blog too and I have to seriously pick it up. I've heard great things about it.
men aren't dumb, per say.. they just aren't observant. They don't pay attention to what is going on and it sometimes takes them a bit longer to come to terms with things, unlike we women who are able to grasp onto the complex just as easy as the simple things.
As for Semipro.. he probably still don't get it, it'll take him some time!
Didn't know he had a book out...let me know how that goes!
Go. B.
@Emeritus - Its weird because I still friends with all of my ex's. I have never been one of those chicks, even if a dude cheated on me, that I couldnt be friends with after. He was never grimey so I dont have a reason to not want to still be around him even though I know we dont need to be chilling because he be looking too damn scrumptulous for me not to be tempted.
@and1grad - Steve said the ultimate approach is a man simply wanting to get the drawls...the early stages is just him figuring out what he has to do to get the drawls, and in that process is when he realized if you're wifey material or a jumpoff... maybe I didn't word in right in the post.
@bloggal - dont you just love Charles... he always comes over here to cause a ruckus and I love it!
Men do have a purpose and a motive for what we do. It's just that women don't understand it. Getting the panties could be one motive, but trust me , that's not the be all or the end all everytime.(Though it may seem like it, I know. Panties is a powerful motivator-lol)
See men are socialized to be un-emotional, unapproachable, unflappable...cool under pressure..et al.
A lot of women meet a guy and want him to be sensitive and to open up
to them...when he hasn't been raised or socialized to be that way.
Some guys attempt to be sensitive and are labeled "weak" (by women.) It leaves the average brother confused.
I did learn however to ask for what I want and to speak plainly and honestly about how I felt about things...overtime -without being considered weak..but it took time.(Being banished to the "friend
zone" enough can teach you that.)
Semi-pro is younger than you..it's going to take time, but he's not a
hopeless case..He's got to learn slowly to change his way of thinking without betraying who he is essentially.
Good Luck to you.
(Damn girl, I could've used this as
a blog post.-lololol)
man o man i need to get this book..
because i just go all wrong ..
i mean i think my emotions rush theirself a bit to much but then i never speak my mind when its time.
if a man is really into you, he will make the effort to find out what's wrong and somehow fix it. i tend to think men are more emotional than women when it comes to their heart and love, but they know how to guard that knowledge better than women. if a man is really, seriously, no bullshit into you, you will know.
wow eb you are really making progress on the semi-pro end. since you admitted the unmentionable ;) a few blogs ago, it seems you are starting to detach yourself from him. releasing all that opened the door for this convo to happen.
if after all this you decide to give him some - i ain't mad at ya. nothing wrong with gettin yours.
Steve Harvey? Really?
BTw, I'm feeling that Valediction song like you wouldn't believe. I came to your page just to listen to it as I do homework. Now I have it on repeat. Thanks Eb!
Dang girl you can make a book titled "toilet paper" sound interesting.....
gotta go and get this....lol
If you have to tell a man that you're a catch it's because you feel like he hasn't recognized it and most likely because after a year and half, he just doesn't care.
I hope this doesnt sound means because I don't mean to.
I say you'll be right in not making yourself available at his convenience. Do it when you feel like it and EVEN THEN, like my brother told me "you have to learn to say no sometimes--even when you don't want to."
I need to check my comment section. If I remember correctly you said you were cool on Steve and was going to pass on the book, but I may be confusing you with someone else.
Either way, I'm glad you picked it up and glad it's helping.
I stand corrected. I checked. You said I love Steve... so maybe I will pick this sucker up.
@Keith - Yes the book talks about a lot of what you said and how men are raised to be tough and show no vulnerability, so maybe you need to write a book yourself...lol
@spitfire - lol... pray that I dont have any slip ups...cuz I really dont want to give him any... the power lies in the vagina... I cant lose my power...lol
Your welcome Emeritus... the entire album is good... you should def pick it up
@veronica - not mean at all, we all know what we need to do in certain situations and a chick will always put up with just enough because you know when a woman's fed up aint nothing you can do about it, i'm not quite fed up yet just know that its a wrap so that's why I toy with the situation a bit
@Rich - I dont think I said that. I was never big on the idea of a book like this but seeing you and Slish talk about it, I figured maybe it was something I need to look into.
This book sound good. truth is I figured a lil something something with a dude i chat with yesterday... Goodness...men can be so fudging clueless... assuming whatever until you crush their bubble... i swear men were made to drive us females insane...
I was wondering how the book was. I had seen it advertised and he talks about it on his radio show but this is the first semi-review I have seen about it. I may have to pick it up!
Let me find out you're like Oprah.....lol....Anyway I told ya...Wait to Shawnla reads it...I'm gonna act a fool...When she complains I'll just point to Steve's book....lol
I think there's some validity to what Steve is saying in his book. 99% of what we do is for women. We know that and we don't hide that either. Some women just haven't gotten hip to us. LOL
Good post
She said, "arse"!!!
lmao
I will buy the book today.
I think I already know some of the things that are in it like you said, but like you, I will never understand that, "that's what we do." Or when they say, "I'm a man!" like that's the best thing next to sliced bread.
I'm convinced that they are dumb too. Well, at least some of the ones I've run into.
Just dumb!!!
Like always,
GoodPost!!
I may be old...hell i am old...but it don't matter, my experience with men will speak for itself and i happen to agree with Steve Harvey's mantra. I'm in such a different place right now...where i'm not looking, not needing, and not even caring...cuz when i want what i want, or need what i need it is delivered to me. What does that say about me? It says i'm where i need to be...my motivations and desires are greater than a love of man. I'm loving me, loving God and trying to better myself. In due time the right man may step up, but if he doesn't...i'm gonna be alright!
I've spotted this book and thought about getting it just for laughs. I'm glad you got something out of it... The reason why he doesn't go into the logic is because it is hard to explain. More to the point, you don't need to know... LOL. Actually, men are different in terms of how we think. Some of us are logical and have a reason for doing things... we just don't like to share. We have to keep something for ourselves. Do you really think we want females to figure us out?
Relationship advice from Steve Harvey though, I think i'm still stuck there lol
LOL @ Slish. I was thinking about buying the book after a few friends kept raving about it. Dunno yet
Steve just straight up snitching!
Loved the book! Shed a lot of light on osme things. B/t Steve and the He Just Not...movie...I'm armed with the no bullshit ammo! LOL! and am so ready to dismiss when they ain't coming correct. Also our online book club decided this would be the book. We will be discussing it on blogtv this Thurs I believe. You should drop in.
I read Steve's book in a matter of days, and I love Chp. 9 Requirements and Standards...Get some!!! Yes, ladies we need to set standards up front to let a brother know what we will and won't accept! The book was refreshing to hear a man be real and put it all out there.
i'll definitely check it out via a library or borrowing it from someone...thanks for the low low...lol
Post a Comment