Lame N:gga Factory

"So I went hard like Madusa staring at me
I told her let's go, let's blow this lame nigga factory"
-Andre 3000 ("Green Light" - John Legend)So in the club, what makes a guy part of the lame n:gga factory?
Here is my top 10 list in no particular order (although I couldn't think of a 9 and 10 so I need my wonderful readers to give me your 9 and 10 in the comments to make the list complete)

1. When you give me your number...and make me call you right then. If that ain't the lamest thing ever. If I took your number... then I don't really want you to have mine.

2. When you pull out a wad of cash at the bar. Do you think that is impressing me? Its not... makes me wonder if you even have a bank account because who in their right mind carries around that much cash... and if you are, why do you have to pull it ALL out just to get a corona that you know is only $6.00.

3. When you take your shirt off. I don't care how buff you are or how hot it is in there. Do not walk around the club bare chested like we're on the beach. Especially if you have taco meat chest hair.

4. Trying to dance in the middle of me and my girls. If there is a girl's anthem on like say Beyonce's "Get Me Bodied" just because all the women in the club got up to dance does NOT mean they want to dance with you. We want to dance with our girls, so STOP getting in the middle of our circle and messing up our groove.

5. Just because you bought us a drink does NOT mean that you own us for the rest of the night and that we are your "in the club girlfriend" for the night. Do NOT follow me and my girls around the rest of the night. Make conversation, maybe even exchange info if there is chemistry, but do NOT smother us.

6. Don't try to have a real long "get to know me" session in the club. I mean we're in the club... 9 times out of 10 I can't really hear what the heck your saying anyway...

7. Do NOT repeatedly ask us what we are doing after the club. Most likely we are going home alone. If we say we are tired... don't ask us if we want to go to breakfast. When we say we are tired, that means we don't want to be bothered with you, because if its a guy we are feeling, no matter how tired we are, we are going to breakfast.

8. Thirstyness... if you are walking around the club, grabbing every chick that walks by you, hoping one will actually stop and talk to you... you are the king of the lame n:gga factory. I can't stand that mess. I just saw you try to grab 3 chicks before I walked by so why the hell do you think I am going to stop and talk to you.

9.... comment

10.....comment


PS - I don't want to speak for every woman, but I don't go to the club looking for a new boo. I go to the club to spend time with my homies or home girls, have a couple drinks, listen to good music, and if its an industry party then maybe to network, but that is all. So stop being extra and just chill when you go to the club.

Oh and this is a partner post that I did with my blog boo Mr. Socialight.
So check out his lame broad factory list.

62 comments

Elise November 16, 2008 at 7:56 PM

You hit the nail on the head. i'm watching my back 24 hours after the club..because of the lame I thought was going to follow me home. Damn!

Maybe next time I don't need to back it ALL the way up.. I'm jus sayin'

Mr.Socialight November 16, 2008 at 8:00 PM

lol. Tight!
I guess Lame Niggas should take heed.
But, i feel you. Don't go to the club looking for a boo. We're all in the club for different reasons, and the chances of meeting someone you'd do more than fcuk is less than likely.

peace.

The Flyyest November 16, 2008 at 8:02 PM

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!

i hella agree with all of this!!!

dont have me call your phone so u can get my number.....cuz if i give u the wrong number I WILL BE OUTTA LINE.....

i usually jus say sorry i dont give my number out at the club...everyone is drunk and after a couple drinks....everyone looks good!!! lol

T.R.E.N.T. November 16, 2008 at 8:07 PM

haha.. wow. pretty much said it for all the lames to take note... and no, if i had the money in my pocket, i think a respectable credit card will do, not the one with goofy on the front. lol

Kryssy November 16, 2008 at 8:24 PM

PERFECT BLOG!!

How about dudes wearing sunglasses in the club. YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T SEE!!!! Just stop the madness. LOL

Eb the Celeb November 16, 2008 at 8:34 PM

yes yes yes yes yes... good one Kryssy... ugh I hate that mess!

MzInspiredMind81 November 16, 2008 at 9:05 PM

Kryssy and I are on the same page. Both men and women do that mess in the clubs here...please for the love of God tell me why you got your 'stunna shades' on in a dark ass club...GIVE ME A BREAK.

Hmm...another is those who dance and/or rap in the mirrored walls of the club. I can't tell you how many men I see giving their own rap concert at the club. Let Jeezy, TI, Ludacris, Lil Wayne, or whomever do their job...we don't need to see your version of it too.

glennishamorgan November 16, 2008 at 9:23 PM

LMAO! Girl these are some good ones. Also I loved Andre's part in that song.

CapCity November 16, 2008 at 9:28 PM

u r 2 funneee li'l Blog-Sis!

clnmike November 16, 2008 at 9:34 PM

LMAO! Yeah sounds lame to me.

Eb the Celeb November 16, 2008 at 9:39 PM

@mzinspired - lmao @ "own rap concert"

Andre November 16, 2008 at 10:01 PM

1. Aww man..I exchange numbers in the club...am I a lame ass nigga?!?

8. I mean if you saw a dude pull another chick in front of you, y'all are in the club..I mean everybody is fair game... But if a dude keeps getting shot down, he better re-think his strategy!

Glasses in the club, they just make everything look cooler, yeah it's hella dark and you really can't see, plus combined with the alcohol it's like "ray charles time" but so what? Corey Hart made it cool!

Jewelry Rockstar November 16, 2008 at 10:12 PM

How about tryin to holla at me while I'm waiting to buy my drink. Uh if you wanted any type of real attention wouldn't you offer to buy it.

These are hilarious. I hadn't been out in a minute, but went to celebrate my girl's birthday a month ago. I had a guy come up to me to tell me how much his feet hurt. Uh don't I wear the high heels? What's up with your old man feet.

Thoughts of a Southern gal November 16, 2008 at 10:18 PM

Good ones! #1 happen to me..twice..Friday night. One dude kept finding me saying "you still haven't called me yet". I'm like I know negro.

I can't stand dudes dancing up behind me while I'm enjoying dancing by myself.

Dudes in zoot suits.
Maybe that's just these country dudes in Arkansas.

You are really lame if you are a dude and you are pop, lock, & dropping it. I hate to see a grown azz man crumping and doing the soulja boy.

R. Fitzgerald November 16, 2008 at 10:30 PM

Good List. Off to check out the female list.

Lucky November 16, 2008 at 10:30 PM

I co-sign on Kryssy: please take those fake Prada "stunna shades" off before you trip and fall. You know how dirty Club Miami's floors are.

Also, PLEASE hold your liquor. If not, 1 of 2 things will happen: you'll be the guy who starts a fight and gets the joint shut down early, or you'll be the annoying d-bag who gets all up in girls' faces fake rapping/being gross.

Fun times at the club..

DollFace November 16, 2008 at 10:32 PM

I so heart you for this blog. 6, 7, and 8 all happened the last time we were out.

Here's another...when you AND your boys all try to holla. WTF...you auditioning for an episode of Gangbang Bros?!...I'm good. Chances are, if I don't like you, I'm not feeling your boys either. Fall back. Thanks;)

Eb the Celeb November 16, 2008 at 10:32 PM

@Andre - I did not say exchanging numbers in the club was lame... its all on the approach and the energy... it shouldnt be forced... it should be organic

and everybody is NOT fair game for you to be grabbing and groping because you are in the club... are you serious... wise men... scope the land... wait until an hour or 90minutes before the club ends and then go in on the ONE chick that they have been eyeing all night

again... STOP being so thirsty

@Southern Gal - why that just happened to me too... that's why it was #1... I couldnt even duck him either because he was security so when I was leaving he was like you never called my phone... he made me stand right there and wouldnt let me leave until I called him right then... I was like damn dude why did you not get the hint... and why are you so pressed... so not cute

and I dont even want to know what a "Zoot suit" is... lmao!

Lucky November 16, 2008 at 10:33 PM

Another one: you are also really lame when you and your "goons" are posted in the middle of the dance floor smoking and mean-mugging, not moving for anything and generally taking up space just so that you can smoke and mean-mug. Just stop. And get the hell out of the way, damn!

Eb the Celeb November 16, 2008 at 10:53 PM

@lucky - yes yes yes... I cant stand dudes that be posted up and in the way... hold up the wall dont hold up the middle of the dance floor... and I'm so glad I live in NYC... you cant smoke in the spots up here...even though you had the random weed smoker trying to blaze they usually nip that in the bud quick

Keith November 16, 2008 at 11:02 PM

Corona's are six dollars in NYC????
Damn!! I think I'll stop complaining about them being $4.00
here and only $3.00 during Happy Hour!

I saw a guy just walk up to a girl,
flip out his cell phone and simply say- "Digits slimmy" He wanted her to put her number in HIS cell phone. Is that how yall roll now of days??? SMH and LMAO.

12kyle November 16, 2008 at 11:04 PM

This was funny...but sooooo true.

I will say that # 4 can be confusing. I mean...if you get on the dance floor with your girls...some dude is gonna dance with you...because you are on the dance floor! LoL

btw...dudes with shades on in the club...that's sooo lame

A.J. Brown November 16, 2008 at 11:09 PM

LMAO!!!!! Good post Eb, you touched on everything that GETS ON MY NERVES @ the club.

& don't try test me to see if I remember your name (cuz I probably wasn't even paying attention to the ENTIRE convo)& a "pull at the waist" is NOT an invite to dance!

Smarty Jones November 16, 2008 at 11:36 PM

STANK ASS BREATH!!!
Do a breath check before you stand up in a woman's face saying "H" words.
"Hhhhhey girl! Hhhhow you doing?"
I was fine until you came over here with your breath smelling like you've been chewing on do-do mints.
There is nothing worse than being hit on by a dude who needs a prescription Tic Tac.
Blow your breath in your boys face and if he passes out, brush your damn teeth!

The F$%K it List November 16, 2008 at 11:45 PM

I'm so glad the sunglasses in the club were pointed out. that is SO LAME

I have to add to the thirsty dudes: If I tell you I am married, please don't ask "well can't you have friends" Sure but you are not one. POOF BE GONE. This happens to me at the bar all the time when I go out with my colleagues.

Eb the Celeb November 16, 2008 at 11:55 PM

@ Smarty - OMG.. my stomach hurts.. I am over here dying laughing... whew... girl that was funny as hell and oh so true

@f it - yeah I used to swap my ring and say I was engaged and that didn't work... i always heard the "well you aint married yet" thanks for letting me know that being married still doesnt fend off the thirsty dudes

Bloggal November 17, 2008 at 3:00 AM

hahaha, great post! SO on point...lovin the new profile pic too. you look purdy in blue.

Emeritus November 17, 2008 at 4:25 AM

cosign!

i'm the exact same way. when i go to the club, i'm not there to meet dudes. i'm there to have fun with my girls and go home.

Darius T. Williams November 17, 2008 at 7:34 AM

Hilarious...really. But I hate when dudes try to get at me and their breath smells like shit...really, how do you have on all this cologne and smell good as shit, but your breath smells just like shit?

The KGB November 17, 2008 at 8:48 AM

I'm gonna have to add...looking behind my back and talking to my ASS instead of to my FACE then asking me for my number. Seriously dude?

Muze November 17, 2008 at 8:53 AM

ok, i haven't been here in a while... but can i just say i'm DEAD at this post and the comments.

lmao @ smarty and the doo doo mints. seriously.

1,2,4, and 6 all happened to me this past friday. just reminded me why i don't go clubbing.

good post.

Just Jasmine November 17, 2008 at 9:21 AM

LMAO AT this post
This goes with #5 or 6 I think.

The monogomous Dancer. The one dude you "lucked up" enough to dance with who deosn't want to let you go and dances with you for 3 songs. You tell him you're tired or you're going to get a drink and when you hit the dance floor again. He finds you.

WTF Ladies get in free so I know there are a billion other chicks in there.

The freak a leek-
you dance with him and then he hoists you up in the air and starts licking the crotch of your jeans (I know I'm not the only one this has happened to)

Mr. Wandering Hands
you dance with him and apparently that gave him the okay to put his hands everywhere but your hips. When you put your hands on my butt and I move them why would you think its okay for you to put your hands on my breast or my Delilah?

Tasha November 17, 2008 at 9:25 AM

LMAO @ the list and the comments. Last weekend I was out with the girls and dude was like "Next drink is on yall. I see yall are independent women, so it's your turn to buy a n!gga a drink". Umm, no boo. r and you're not done drinking?

ShonaVixen November 17, 2008 at 9:35 AM

lol...gurl...wonder this all universal..I just might mention this on my blog sometime later on coz this is just spot on...lmao...Number 1,5, and 8 were in the club on Friday...

Sha Boogie November 17, 2008 at 10:24 AM

Numba 1! Numba1! That's it right there -- hated it! (when I was single..lol) calm me right now...don't try and outsmart me! Shoooot...lol

Eb the Celeb November 17, 2008 at 10:28 AM

@bloggal - thx girlie

@muze - welcome back, smarty had me almost crying last night when I read that... and you probably had the worst ones all in one night... that's a shame

@just jasmine - OMG... all on point... if you are past college age... no one should be lifted up in the air in the club... so plz stop the madness and yeah I cant stand the dude that wants to dance with you off every song in a row for the rest of the nigh... ugh

@tasha - that dude would have got the crazy side eye and step the hell back plz... what? why don't they think before they open their mouth, that is NOT cute

@shonavixen - I want to know why dudes think that #1 is going to give them any more of a chance to chill with us than if they just gave us their number. We're just going to send them to the voicemail the first 2 weeks their calling us until they get the picture. Why ol' boy that did that to me last week gave me the okey doke and called me from his work number... i answered the phone and he got me... I was like, uummm... I'm about to get in the shower can I call you back...hahahaahahhahaha.

Pocahontaz November 17, 2008 at 12:16 PM

Ima say just because you bought me a drink earlier dont mad dog the next man when Im dancing with him on the dance floor.

UGH and just because you think Im tipsy and I stare in your eyes dont mean Im in a daze and you can try and kiss me. NO Im drunk dammit not desperate

ShellyShell November 17, 2008 at 12:29 PM

Bwaaaaaaaaaaaahahhaa! #1 is about ol boy from Thursday night! Him and his GRILL! Funny!

Eb the Celeb November 17, 2008 at 12:33 PM

lmao @ poca - you wild

@shelly shell - trust that wasn't the first time that has happened to me but it was definitely first because it was fresh on my mind from that night...lol

Creative1k November 17, 2008 at 12:38 PM

#9 When he constantly rolls through the club scene a thousand damn times, just to get some scalawags to notice his rented chrome shoes and overpriced paint job.

#10 Old man Uncle Pookie, who throws on his bested suit and gators just to throw inappropriate advances at you all night, while stepping all over ur toes during the Go Hard or Go Home Dance.

Nubian Queen November 17, 2008 at 2:01 PM

LMAO!!! "5. Just because you bought us a drink does NOT mean that you own us for the rest of the night and that we are your "in the club girlfriend" for the night. Do NOT follow me and my girls around the rest of the night. Make conversation, maybe even exchange info if there is chemistry, but do NOT smother us."

HOLLA!!! feelin and luvin this one..and i ain't even no big drinker of alcohal...so you may be buying me a soda...DON"T DO IT FELLAS!!! LOL

Sexxy Luv November 17, 2008 at 2:59 PM

lmao! this list is too much! but soooo true!

don't get others involved in your bm/bd drama! if you know your bm is in the club and she'll act a ass, don't get others involved!

Miss Foxxy November 17, 2008 at 3:34 PM

girl you are too funny.. this list is on point! and the flip side of #1.. i HATE it when i give a guy at the club my number and he CALLS my phone right there! just to make sure i ain't giving him the wrong number! what the hell.. at least wait until i walk away to do that shit so you don't look like a damn loser.

and i can't stand dudes that grab at you when you walk by.. it's unnecessary and rude. and i can't STAND dudes that don't understand the concept of PERSONAL SPACE.. i had dudes all up in my face, and when i'd take a step back, they'd take 2 steps forward.. it's like dude, back the fuck up.

oh yeah, and what about those dudes who just come up to you while you're dancing and start to dance with you except their definition of dancing is thrusting their penis all up in your back like ya'll fuckin'.. makes me wanna turn around and knee him.

ListenToLeon.net November 17, 2008 at 3:34 PM

Hilarious, and true. I call behavior number 5, "Drink Slavery"

http://www.king-mag.com/online/?p=2283

LOL

Eb the Celeb November 17, 2008 at 4:21 PM

@creativek - I remember your #9 from back in the day when I was in NC... but that rarely happens in NY... police dont let cars just sit in front of the club and there are no parking lots but that brought back some memories

@Sexxy Luv - I know that's right... only hollering at you so and grinding on you because they know they ex-girl is watching and they purposely want to make her jealous causing unnecessary drama

@miss foxxy - all good points...lol

@leon- look at you superstar writing for Kingmag.com

I just read the article and you were so on point... if the only line you have is can I buy you a drink... then that's your own fault!

McBriddle November 17, 2008 at 4:49 PM

lol this list is so true!I have to agree with #8 and #4. If I am dancing with my girls and continue to back away from you why do you keep making your way behind me?

Lovebabz November 17, 2008 at 5:36 PM

Sister,
I am roo old to hang out over here. A club...omg I have not been in a club in a hundred years. Oh this post is for you, the young and beautiful! LOL!

You are a smart cookie!

Bam November 17, 2008 at 6:00 PM

@ 9 - I hate when niggas approach me in groups. What the fuck, you can't talk to me without moral support?

@ 10 - I hate when men tell me I look like: Vanessa Williams, Stacey Dash, or any other light complected woman. NO NIGGAH, I look like ME.

@ 11 - I hate when men put their hands in my hair. Don't touch me. Real or fake, it's mine. Fuck off.

B

K@LiENTe November 17, 2008 at 7:37 PM

LMMFAoooooooo. I'm so DEAD off this shyt right here!

Ness November 17, 2008 at 8:40 PM

9. When I do decide to give you a dance...don't think I'm gonna let u grind ur d*ck on my ass! Tht sh*t is nasty...

10. Do not, and I repeat...DO NOT try to jump in a pic w/ me and my girls! Ur not part of the crew and we don't want u f*cking up a perfectly good picture with ur lame ass

Bonus: Any dude w/ shades on is str8t up lame! There r no UV Rays in the freaking club at 12midnight!! Ur not a rapper from these videos so stop it w/ the shades in the club.

LOL....hahahaaha...luv'd this post!!

Mizrepresent November 17, 2008 at 9:26 PM

ok, i know i'm no spring chicken, but you old azz men gots to get out of the club, i mean you looking like my grandpa hollering at me, waving your tongue like i'm interested, but hell, i aint' gonna lie you can buy me a drink all night.

How about niggaz in their Sunday suits, dayum get a new suit if you gonna be out every week, or at least the week i'm going.

How about the bruhs who ain't said shit all night, but when you leaving they trying to holla...whateva!

How about that dude with no teeth..., my bruh cracked on a man like that once trying to talk to me...told him..."hey nigga you need to get two more teeth to talk my sista." yeah it was wrong but funny as hell!

Jackie E. November 17, 2008 at 10:42 PM

this blog is so on point, lol! all i can say is ditto, ditto, ditto!!

Ms. Bar B: November 18, 2008 at 1:52 AM

Ha! Ya know!

9. If my feet are not touching the ground while we are dancing then YOU are holding me too damn tight and doing TOO got damn much!!

10. Please don't ever tell me or any other woman in the club that I/she is the type of woman that you could take home to your kids. WTF??

ToshaRenelle November 18, 2008 at 8:43 AM

I hate a broke nigga in the club. Don't approach me, try to carry on a conversation in the LOUD, NOISY club, but can't buy me a cocktail to enjoy as you attempt to converse. Don't get me wrong, I'm not THIRSTY, or a gold digger or anything of the sort, but I do think it's courteous to buy the young lady you are trying to "chat up" a cocktail, damn....and truthfully, preferably, you can keep it moving after that!

Also, I'm feeling Bam, don't touch my hair, or ME for that matter. Why you need to be touchy/feely. I don't need it!

This list was on point...so much wackness out here.

OG, The Original Glamazon November 18, 2008 at 11:16 AM

Sad thing is it don't change!! LOL I like to quote TI when I walk in a club of lames, I got real nicca vision and I ain't seei NONE of you!

Girl I can't even give you 9 or 10 because I am still laughing at the memories 1-8 bring up for me.

The crazy thing is I met TOM A in an after hours joint a little texas hole in the wall kinda place. Its funny sometimes when you ain't looking. However on GP I normally view men in the club as defective. I know WRONG cause I'm there but I ain't there looking for no man, I'm looking for a dance. Ok enough of my business.

-OG

socialedisturbed. November 18, 2008 at 11:26 AM

i didn't read the responses.. so excuse me if this is a repeat...

9. Breath Alert - I already got a perm.. no need for extra heat up on my shit!

10. While dancin... no sound effects plz. it's just a dance, and because of your verbal outburst, that's all it'll ever be

F.U. November 18, 2008 at 11:54 AM

"taco meat chest hair" that about sums it up for me...hilarious!

She W0rd Hustlez November 20, 2008 at 12:45 PM

9.) I'm in the club hanging out with my straight pals and having a good time. The lameness comes into play when you tell a dude you're a lesbian and you're SERIOUS about it, and he replies with "so am I shawty lets make this happen. My girl down wit it too" - LAME NIGGA FACTORY!!

Eb the Celeb November 21, 2008 at 4:48 PM

@ness - omg how did I forget about that jumping in the pics mess... that is the absolute worst

lmao @ all of yours mizrep...stop going to them clubs full of grandpas

@Ms Bar B - yeah if we are older than college age... none of that picking me up and poppin in the air mess

@OG - you aint wrong at all... you said it... we're not there looking for a man

@she word hustlez - yeah that is lame as hell... but they prolly get chicks lying to them about it all the time so they play it up... I know I have acted like me and my homegirl were a couple to get dudes to leave us alone...lol

raven November 22, 2008 at 10:45 AM

9. U walk in the club, some random (usually ugly) guy grabs your wrist to try to force you to stop-and-talk and right after you yank back your wrist, he yells, "stupid bitch! you arent that cute anyway!"
haha.
10. I HATE it when I agree to dance with a guy, and then he turns it into a full-out 4-play session on the dancefloor... tries to grab your booti, bend you over, play in your hair. UGH!!!!!

dappa December 2, 2008 at 9:48 AM

Man, I haven't been in the club in years lol. Guess some things just will not change.

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