Preferences...when it comes to men I date

Everyone has them. We all know what we want and want we dont want in a potential mate. I didn't think my views or opinions were that much out of whack than the next person but its seems that Zack thought so, and maybe some other readers do as well so I wanted to be clear about it. So here are the top 5 preferences that I have when it comes to appearance.

1. Yes, I like tall men. I would prefer the man I end up with to be at least 6'2 but in reality... the perfect height for my husband if I had the option to choose would be 6'4. That is the perfect height to me. I can wear my 3 inch heels and while slow dancing bury my head in his shoulder blade... That's where I like my head to rest... what can I say. If I have 3 inch heels on and your shorter than me... where the heck am I gonna lay my head. But this isn't to say that I won't date a man that is shorter than that. In fact I have... I have even dated someone that I could only wear flip flops with in college because we were exactly the same height. So height is definitely not the only deciding factor that will give a guy a chance with Eb, but it does make you stand out in a crowd of men because I can see you from across the room.

2. Yes, I like chocolate men. I don't know... might want to blame that one on my dad, since some seem to think he favors Michael Jordan. I don't like my men blue black but I do love dark-skinned brothas. Need some examples... here they go...











Now that's not to say I wont date a light-skinned brotha but I have never met one that intrigued me in that way. Come to think of it I dont think I have ever really been approached by a light-skinned brotha so I guess I dont intrigue them in that way either. I have dated the caramel complexion pretty boys and I've noticed that they spend more time in the mirror than me and I cant be with a man that thinks he's cuter than me. I mean, you can have swag and I want you to look good and know it, but know that you ain't cuter than me...lol... All my life I actually gravitated to the medium complexion men even though I have always preferred darker ones. Here are a couple examples of caramel - medium brown complexion men:














3. I don't date men with more hair than me. First of all, I have dated men with braids, but that was in college, at this point in my life, you are too damn old to be still rocking braids. And sorry to Thic and all my bruthas rocking locks. I love you so much as friends, but could never date a dude with locks. You all know about my pet-peeve with taco meat chest hair so no need to revisit there. It's just not my thing, just like some men wont date a woman that wears a weave.

4. I also prefer men that have some body to them and have tattoos. I don't know... I have 9 tattoos so it only makes sense. I went threw a faze where I only dated the basketball player frames... that weighed 165-190... now I prefer those that are 215-250... but the dude I am sorta kinda dating now is a solid 300.... But if you want to see an example of the perfect body build for Eb... here it is.












5. You can't look old. I'm sorry, you have seen pictures of my mom and you see how young she looks. I cannot be with someone that looks like they are older than her. So balding men are not sexy to me, grey hair is not sexy to me, and razor bumped skin is not sexy to me.

Those are really the only preferences that I have when it comes to the appearance of a potential mate. I also don't feel anything is wrong with my preferences above. Everyone has set in their mind what their ideal mate looks like and the above aren't set in stone for me. I know that some men don't prefer me because I may be too dark, or my breasts or ass may not be big enough, and I'm not offended by that... so I hope none of my male readers are offended by my preferences if they don't fit into them.

I think the problem lies if you are so stuck in your ways that you pass up on a good person that may come into your life and I don't feel I have done that. For me there are always exceptions to the rule.

For instance : Right now, the guy that I am sorta kinda dating, Semipro, he has a daughter, and he's an athlete. He is breaking 2 of my rules. I don't date guys with kids, because I have had bad experiences with baby mama's and would just rather not have to deal with that in my life right now. But after talking to some friends I realized that I am getting older and just because I don't have any kids, its going to get harder and harder to find men that don't have them. So I put that aside and continued to get to know him besides that. I didn't find out until almost 2 months after we met that he was an athlete. I have a huge rule that I don't date them either. Its a complicated reason why but long story short I see way too much to ever entertain the possibility. Even after finding out when he was leaving town for the season I was thinking perfect, now this can just filter away because of my apprehensions since we weren't even close before he left. But to my surprise he kept in touch after he left and now we talk just about every night. I honestly thought he wasn't going to keep in touch so that it was going to be easy to just let it go because this was breaking 2 rules with 1 guy. A lot to take in all at once for a chick that before this year very rarely went outside those rules. But I talked to a very close friend of mine... that is also an athlete, and a great guy who convinced me that they aren't all the same and that I should give dude a chance. So far, I'm glad I listened to my friend.

Either way, I hope that clears up some things. If not, any questions?

Now as far as the character of men, (since it was mentioned that I never talk about that, even though I think I have several times in the past) I like men who are laidback... but like to have fun. Men who like to stay at home and watch a game just as much as they like to go out and watch it at a lounge or sports bar. I am not a homebody but I do like to spend time at home on occasion and I need a man who can deal with that. I am prone to like men that are more into football than basketball... so it would help if he was the same but not necessary. I have dated a guy that was all about any type of basketball and hated football. And well, he's an ex... so it helps if you love football as much as I do. He also has to be funny, I am goofy as hell and can't be with anyone that is a stiff and serious all the time. Someone who loves his family dearly, because my family is a huge part of my life. Someone who loves to travel, someone who is ambitious, and doesn't necessarily have all their ducks in a row because I don't have all mine lined up. Someone I feel like I can grow with and that can educate me. Someone who believes and loves God, and has a relationship with him. Mine, as we know is a work in progress so I am not expecting him to be saved, sanctified, and filled with the holy ghost, but there should be some foundation for spirituality present. I also want someone that is ambitious and forever wanting more out of life because that's how I feel I am. I am content and forever blessed for the things I have and have achieved but I need someone who has drive and isn't complacent in their current state. Constantly doing things to make themselves and their life better. For the most part, that is it. I also like a man that can always be a man but a gentleman at the same time. I can be somewhat of a bully and a push-over at times so I need a strong man that can be strong in a nice way. If he tries to rough house me then I will become defensive, but I need someone who can put me in my place if need be. I really respect that, whether at the time I like it or not, I need a man who is strong enough to check me. And someone that is real, true, and honest... I CAN HANDLE THE TRUTH.

Blog world, is anything I have said here self-centered, or self-absorbed? Maybe even materialistic or am I being too picky? And what are your preferences, what are some must have's for your potential mates?

If you are already married, what was it about your mate that initially attracted you to them?

50 comments

ZACK May 5, 2008 at 11:55 AM

No, you are not self-absorbed. You are a woman who knows what she wants and I admire that about you.

You cleared up your height preference in a way that pleases me. You didn't sound superficial, but rather practical as to why you want a tall man.

I wish you the best with Semipro, or whomever you choose to spend the rest of your life with.

[This is the second time my comments have led to a post dedicated to me. Stop by field-negro.blogspot.com for the May 2 entry. My name is mentioned as the inspiration (but not because of the topic, but because I asked him to write about something other than politics)]

Sass May 5, 2008 at 11:59 AM

i'm gonna have to post my rant i did a few weeks back that describes the type of man i'm attracted to. we're in the same boat.

Ticia May 5, 2008 at 12:33 PM

This is you EB - so, its all good :)

I liked your lists ... its good to know what you want and like - eliminates confusion --

karrie b. May 5, 2008 at 12:35 PM

i think i need to marry me up a white man to ensure he wont get his ass shot up by NYPD. dead ass tho.

-KB

karrie b. May 5, 2008 at 12:35 PM

and you're always self absorbed! but u knew that :)

-KB

Brianna May 5, 2008 at 12:37 PM

omg...we like EXACTLY the same thing! seriously, your list pretty much mirrors my own. so if you happen to find a carbon copy and you aren't available...please pass him my way.

DollFace May 5, 2008 at 12:43 PM

Having preferences simply means you know what you like. Most of us are grown enough to know that you don't HAVE to stick to the list.

We essentially have the same list of physical characteristics (except I tend to go for the caramel and mid-complexion more than chocolate. But don't get it twisted...I LOVE chocolate as well)
Had I known D Wade was going to be at Derby I wouldn't have passed over my tix.

And you were right. So I added pics of the dress to the post.

Pajnstl May 5, 2008 at 12:44 PM

ummm thx for the eye candy :)

i loves me a dark-skinned bother. My husband and I were friends first. We share a lot of the same interest and he makesme laugh.

12kyle May 5, 2008 at 1:51 PM

I don't think that you are self absorbed. I just want you to know that the "perfect man" may or may not fit in that box that you've designed for him. You like what you like. There's nothing wrong with that. Just understand that each requirement makes your "choice pool" smaller and smaller. But if you say "I want a 6-4, 300 pound, dark skinned brutha with no churren, with a college degree" then you have really cut your opportunites. But I feel where you are coming from b/c in the end...you like who you like.

I fell for Mrs12 b/c we were great friends first. I thought that she was attractive but I was more interested in getting to know her first.

12kyle May 5, 2008 at 1:52 PM

btw...the rumor has been confirmed...Dwayne Wade is dating Star Jones. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Whut you think about that?

Monie May 5, 2008 at 2:03 PM

I couldn't even finish reading this post after seeing Idris' fine ass.

Damn.

Lady Cameleon May 5, 2008 at 2:24 PM

LOL @ KARRIE B......THATS ALL MY SISTER DATES NOW......

BUT ANYWHO..........I LIKE THE DESCRIPTIVENESS ON THAT LIST.....TELL ME HOW IT GOES FINDING HIM AND IF YOU DO.......HOLLA AT ME ON WHERE YOU FOUND HIM...LOL

shine May 5, 2008 at 2:45 PM

You had to put Idris up there, didn't you. Now I can hardly think straight (whew)! As for your lists, a woman is the sexiest when she knows what she wants and is not afraid to go after such. I say make room for differences but never lower your standards.

Charles May 5, 2008 at 2:49 PM

I don't think you're self absorbed...but I was getting kinda worried until I saw some personality traits thrown in there. But fyi...you'll be passing up ALOT of great guys if you've just got your focus on that ideal Mr. Right. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with not conceding, I'm just saying don't be blinded by that social stigma of what a perfect black man is supposed to be and look like.

Homer is My Co-pilot May 5, 2008 at 2:49 PM

There is nothing wrong with your list. You can like who ever and what ever kind of man you want. As a dude who meets few of your preferences I'm not even hating on you.

Smarty Jones May 5, 2008 at 2:51 PM

Not self-absorbed and if you're self-centered, so what? You have the right to be. You have no one to please now except yourself and that's what you should be focused on.
And your standards are your standards. I for one believe that if you settle for less than that's exactly what you deserve.

Thoughts of a Southern gal May 5, 2008 at 3:14 PM

Damn that Chris Webber is fine!

I like men with some body and at least one tattoo. I like their body frames to be around 160-200. I can't get with chunky/thick dudes. I like for his body to be firm not flabby. He has to like sports. I dated a dude who didn't watch any sports. OMG, I had to kick him out of my life. I can sit and talk about b-ball and football all day.

Crys.C May 5, 2008 at 3:55 PM

lol
i feel you, but #1 is too funny because i'm going thru that as we speak. my bf is the same height as me, so i wear sneakers when i'm with him. although he never made an issue about my shoes, i catch myself looking for flats.
Had to snap out of that 'cuz i can't give up my 3-4 inch heels.

niki.mac May 5, 2008 at 4:21 PM

i honestly do not have physical preferences! every guy i've dated looks very different from the others, but....

....my boyfriend is the only guy that i ever met that i immediately thought "that's my type!" i still remember how i felt the first time i saw him too... :)

TravelDiva May 5, 2008 at 4:29 PM

I'm in line with your physical preferences, except I'm not a fan of tattoos. But height, not more hair than me, not looking old, and having some meat on them--right on point!

TravelDiva May 5, 2008 at 4:30 PM

And must haves (in no particular order):

Spirituality
Smart
Sense of Humor
Sexy
Strong
Loyal

Keisha "Kitten" Isaacs May 5, 2008 at 4:49 PM

I like that you are clear about what you want and that you listed some great characteristics that many of us would love in a man. Hey if we aren't clear, we'll settle for toothless Tyron as my Pastor put it.....lol....

I always survey married people and a lot of times I have heard of people fallling in love with someone who didn't fit their wants physically.....but had it going on in every other area.

soumynona May 5, 2008 at 5:25 PM

When there's this constant tingly feeling in my gut, thats when I know I've found someone special -whether thats for a moment or for a lifetime...

anonymousnupe May 5, 2008 at 5:45 PM

My wife's sexy, sexy calves, perspicacity, and multilingualism (she speaks 3.5 languages). And the fact that she's a little bit sassy, having traveled the world and held her own with everyone from princes to vendors in 3rd world marketplaces. That's how I knew I had to have her.

The fact that she was eyeballin' me, too, and does this sexy lil dance, mmmm, that helped, too.

K@LiENTe May 5, 2008 at 5:47 PM

Girl u do u!!!! I cannot tell you how many times i have been "too nice: trying to give guys chances that i knew weren't my type only to be confused as he!! and feeling desperate because i lowered my standards. I think it's great u know what u want shiiiiiiiiiiid. Good luck with that, whoever is meant for you will fall into your life at the right time! i normally don't like skinny dudes, or short dudes but the one who i am dating now is short and skinny but i am happy around him and he accepts me for the person that i am! So like i said mamaz do u!

dessex May 5, 2008 at 6:00 PM

i would not say you are selfed centered....I think everyone should have their prefrences when it comes to dating. Picky a little...even tho we want perfection it usually never happens.

My mate must have a sense of humor, she must be able to cook, and she most love me and all of my flaws.

On the physical side...I am a breast man...lol

Canon Obama May 5, 2008 at 7:01 PM

you lookin for a damn bodybuilder... nonetheless, I can feel that you have your opinion when it comes to ppl you would like to date. we all do. so... do you

personally, I don't care about skin tone... long as you not damn near purple or albino... height from 5'5" to 5'9"... don't need to have the fat bottom, but some cushion is necessary, same rules apply for boobies (can't have a manchester)... good sense of humor, doesn't get mad, preferably laid back like me...

Eb the Celeb May 5, 2008 at 9:04 PM

@12kyle - My boo d. Wade is NOT dating Star.. thank you very much!

@charles - I feel you and I dont think I have missed out... if someone intrigues me I entertain the possibility... I am definitely not headstrong and only dating a man that represents all of the above... I have been exceptions just like I am now


thx u K@liente

@canon - lmao no I am not looking for a body building... I dont need glistening bulding muscles... just solidly thick...big arms, big chest

1/3 of what I used to be May 5, 2008 at 10:09 PM

Honestly I don't think you have to explain yourself. you are who you are I think thats what we all love about your blog. Some may not like it but forget them lol

Anyway lol, I prefer a guy who is self assured, confident, funny, great sense of humor, honest, likes me for who I am..yea and all those great personality traits lol. Physical..I'm with you they just got to be taller then me and we have to have some kinda chemistry.

WhozHe May 5, 2008 at 10:46 PM

Thanks for stopping by my blog. From the looks of the pics you have on today's posting I should have come by here earlier.

Smarty Jones May 5, 2008 at 11:45 PM

Oh, btw, where'd you find that pic of Lahman Rucker, he is starting to look like my first husband. ;-)

i.can't.complain. May 6, 2008 at 12:17 AM

i can't say that i think u are self-centered.

this blog is about your self, afterall...

cha know?

but yeah, we all have rules and standards that we say we wouldn't break.

love/lust tends to make some of those walls fall down.

i personally love a chocolate clean cut (i don't like long hair on men either) lined up facial hair, casual dressing (but able to still rock a jordan) pretty teeth, gainfully employeed, college educated, 6'0 tall and up, 190-220lbs, church going, hand holding, give me space when i need it, funny, great kissing man.

oh, and i feel u.

he cannot look old.

is that too much to ask?

-1-

CapCity May 6, 2008 at 12:21 AM

YUMMMMM - eye candy - luvs me some laman rucker -- he looks like my recent ex - too bad my ex had so many issues...or should i say didn't work well with me - funny thang everytime we see each other we wanna jump each other *HUGE SIGH* oops, didn't mean to reminisce on your spot! LOL!

As others said DO U, Sis! It's Yo' World!

And D.Wade w/ Star -- EWWWWWW! YUCK!

E. Christian Wallace May 6, 2008 at 1:23 AM

Hmmm..I wonder what my type is. I should work on defining that.

allienicole May 6, 2008 at 3:48 AM

ok i think i am officially ye olde bringer of sex into every post hahaha:

-free spirited + open minded
-stroke & tongue game propa! lol
-EDUCATED and opinionated
-nice abs...Schwarzenegger DEF not necessary
-i prefer 6'0'' and above ..
-THIGHS!!! ooo girl!!!!


everything else kinda varies...
i like all shades, yellow to reddish brown ;), i actually find locs incredibly sexy, don't like braids, and i'm a sucker for high cheekbones and a fro.

i also like men who can cook!

clnmike May 6, 2008 at 5:57 AM

Thats actually a resonable list compared to some I've seen.

Sojourner G May 6, 2008 at 6:29 AM

Everyone has preferences. God knows I have mine. That doesn't make you self centered, it just makes you aware of what moves you and what represents the best chance for a successful relationship. You also seem flexible enough to go outside those preferences for the right reasosns. That's good too.

So do your thing ma'. It's what we all do.

Cat May 6, 2008 at 8:44 AM

Hey, you like what you like. In time you'll find out what you can live with and without. But never settle if it doesn't feel right. I've done that before and it does not work!

Mizrepresent May 6, 2008 at 8:51 AM

I love your list...hey i want the same, but i know that they won't come in such pretty packages, and if they do...there has to be some internal damage going on...just saying. Anyway, do you!

LadyWritesTheBlues May 6, 2008 at 10:38 AM

Eb, you're so funny!

Hey you like what you like. Period. You have to have some sort of physical attraction. Who wants a frail, taco meated(?) chest hair short dude that's 30 with braids that you're stuck wearing flip flops around anyway?

I'm 5'7 and LOVE heels. I mostly dated taller guys and thought that's the type of (build) man I'd marry. Wouldn't you know it-the hubby is 5'11, so while he isn't the (used to be) usual with the height requirements, I CAN STILL WEAR MY HEELS, DAMNIT! A lady's got to have standards....can't be slow dancing and resting my head on the top of his head! NOT cute.

And when I CHOOSE to wear flip flops, I'm looking up at him! Life is good-lol.

Case Quarter May 6, 2008 at 12:21 PM

idris elba and i are so getting married...

Case Quarter May 6, 2008 at 12:23 PM

you're not self-absorbed at all!! you're a strong woman who knows exactly what she wants and what she doesn't want and that is a great thing.....there are women who wish they could stick to their guns and say what they want and don't want...

The Jaded NYer May 6, 2008 at 3:17 PM

LOL@ not having more hair than you!!!

girl, that cracked me up!

Keli May 6, 2008 at 6:05 PM

Well you can keep the chocolate brothers, and pass the blue black ones along to me, lol. But I feel ya...I mean, I don't discriminate, but I am partial to men of the darker variety, lol.

Lina Marie May 6, 2008 at 8:21 PM

All I got to say is THE DARKER THE CHOCOLATE THE SWEEEETER THE JUICE..UM
Eb I can relate with you on the light skinned brothas being handsome but there's just somethin about the dark chocolate wew..I haven't come across a light skinned brotha that I was intrigued with either sista...But that's just me..It's definitely a plus if he has big hands tooo. I'm gonna go take a cold shower now..bye

sista gp May 6, 2008 at 10:09 PM

While being on a hiatus of several months, met hubby on a blind date almost 14 years ago. I had my "list", but with him that list was thrown away. What mattered was his heart and how we felt about each other.
We celebrated our 10th wedding anniversay last month and look forward for many more decades.

Just_Wondering May 6, 2008 at 10:43 PM

Wow you really took the time to really describe what you want and don't want but my question to you is what if Mr.Right happens to have 50% of the things on your list? Do you ever wonder whether the list we create for ourselves inhibiting us from seeing someone great or letting him pass you by.

Eb the Celeb May 6, 2008 at 10:58 PM

@ Smarty - I google'd it... it was on the first page so shouldnt be too hard to find.

@capcity - yeah that is a damn shame that he looked that good and had issues...SMH

@keli - you funny... you know Djimon and KG are keeping the blue-black looking extra scrumptulous as well... but I will let you have them...lol


@sista gp - congrats... I hope I live to the day where I am celebrating my 10th anniversary that is a start to many more.


@Just wondering - I personally dont think so... some women may let it hinder them but I dont feel I do. Like Sojourner said I am flexible... as stated in the post I have went outside my preferences and the person I am dating now breaks 2 of my rules... so no I dont think I am so stuck on what my ideal mate looks like to miss a good guy that may come my way.

KelleMichelle May 7, 2008 at 12:09 AM

kudos!! Chocolate is....better! lol

JM May 7, 2008 at 8:44 AM

First off, thanks for all the sexy man candy! Yum!!!

Second, you know what you want and that's a great thing for BW. You know when you need to compromise and when you don't need to relax your standards. That's a great thing. There's nothing self-absorbed about that.

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