My "perfect man" box


I realize there is no such thing as a perfect man, but to a certain extent everyone has that perfect man for them. My perfect man lies in a tight box. Every since I can remember I have lived by some sort of rules to the type of man that I would date and I have called this my box. In high school, I refused to date anyone that went to the same school as me. Back then, chicks were just too nosey and I'd rather not even deal with it. In college, the list got even tighter. I was never one of those that had to have a boyfriend all the time like most girls in college so I felt having a tight box on the type of men that I did date would give me plenty of time to be single. Unlike most women, I like being single. I love spending time not in a relationship. My friends have told me since high school that I will never find a man because I have too many rules. I dont have rules, I just have criteria, and I dont think anything is wrong with that. Let me explain further....
There are 8 corners to a box that keep it all intact and I have 8 criteria I go by when dating.
1. Height is a big thing with me. You have to be between 6'2 - 6'6
2. Complexion - I love the chocolate men. Caramel will work too but I love dark-skinned brothas.... not blue-black though... sorry redbones but you do nothing for me.
3. You have to have an education. I dont care what your degree is in but its just the initiative. You can have a bachelors degree in basket weaving, but as long as you have a passion and felt it was important enough to obtain higher education.
4. You have to be strong enough to put me in my place and still give me what I want. This is a tough one, because its been so hard. Either they are a push over and give me whatever I want and I run all over them, which is extremely unattractive, or they try to be all thuggish. I need the happy medium.
5. NO Kids (I have been lenient on this before and it has been a major headache)
6. Distinguished style and swagger (I cant explain this, its just something I see in you when you walk in a room. Its something that's just natural.) A couple things it embodies though is being athletic, have a keen fashion sense, being able to make me laugh and laughing with me because I can be a trip sometimes, outgoing, and love going out and having a good time just as much as you like staying home and watching a game because that is all me.
7. Entrepreneurial spirit. You dont have to be making major bucks, but you need to have a vision for something better than what you are doing and wanting to grow. I am innovative and want someone that can stimulate my mind even more. Its definitely not about the money with me... if you were a millionaire, I would still want you to be innovative and look towards ventures that would put you on that next level. Drive and passion mean a lot to me. You also have to be able to handle my drive and passion and my profession. I work in the sports industry, so yes I spend time around athletes making millions of dollars a year. I have had past boyfriends that just couldnt handle that.
8. Age - I never date a man more than 5 years older than me (My mom had me when she was 17 so I feel like if they are more than 5 years older than me, than they could be dating my mom)

Now these criteria have changed with growth. They are not the same they were in high school or college, or last year for that matter. Sometimes I bend the rules, for instance I have dated guys shorter than the said height above, I have dated guys a couple years outside the 5, and I have dated guys that went to college and didnt finish school; but for the most part I dont budge. Note though that this is the criteria I use for a serious relationship, not for the jump-offs and such... no need for all this to get some good relations.
This whole thing has come up because I met this really nice guy this past weekend in Atlanta. It's kinda freakin' me out because I usually dont like guys too quick. They usually have to put a lot of work in before I start feeling them. But I have been thinking about this dude all day, and the fact that he seems perfectly inclined with my box, except the fact that he is only 5'10...
I met him friday night in the club, and we couldnt really talk because it was a club, but our eye contact and chemistry was crazy by only exchanging a couple words. I usually dont even give my number out in clubs and even if I do I never talk to them after. I usually dont flirt with guys in clubs either but I was really flirting with him. Looking back now on that night I was nothin like my usual self. I guess that's what the "A" will do to ya. Anyway, he doesnt call me on saturday, I explained to him that I would be working. But he texts me late morning on sunday. We text back and forth for about an hour and then I invite him to be my date for the monday night football game since I had tickets. He says yes and suggests we go get dinner before to get to know each other a little bit. So now I have a date. A real date. I cant even remember the last time I had a "REAL" date.

So we link up on monday for dinner before the game and he is so inquisitive. Wanting to know everything about me. We had really good conversation during dinner and were really enjoying each others company. He graduated from Rutgers. He is within my 5 year rule, he has a good job, and very entrepreneurial, NO KIDS, Chocolate, Subtle swagger that's so endearing, and everytime I tested his manhood to see if he would let me have my way he checked me, but in a way that made me smile, not as if he was trying to control the situation. But I couldnt get over the fact that with my heels on I was taller than him. I did not remember him being that short in the club that night because I probably wouldnt even have given him my number. I know that's sad right.

Either way, I had a great time last night. So why do I keep syking myself out with his height. I dont even know why I am worried about it, it was only 1 date so there's no promising future or anything but it was fun to have a great time with someone that was so close to the contents of my perfect man box. Who knows... maybe I will let that one corner wilt away and let the light shine threw.

21 comments

Queen of My Castle December 12, 2007 at 10:54 AM

I hate to sound like a copy cat, but I am feeling your entire list, honestly.

As for the great date...revel in the moment. You're right, it's only one date. Breathe easy and just flow.

Great post!

WhozHe December 12, 2007 at 12:35 PM

I like your 8, I think those guys are out there, just have to find them. Oh, and don't trip on the height issue (no pun intended), a great guy is a great guy no matter his statue.

The Diva's Thoughts December 12, 2007 at 12:47 PM

I love this entire post. Try to get past the height thing. This guy sounds wonderful and there aren't that many wonderful guys that we click with and and have a good time with out here so give him a chance.

Good luck!

Muze December 12, 2007 at 1:36 PM

i can totally feel you on this list. i used to have somewhat of one, being tall is a BIG factor of mine too. my bf who is 5'11" is the shortest guy i've ever dated...but i am so wonderfully happy and i'm not taller than him with heels on...so don't let that be the deciding factor on whether you give the poor man a chance. he may just turn out to be your almost-perfect man. lol.

Kayos December 12, 2007 at 1:58 PM

I so totally know how you feel...height is a requirement with me too. Think about this though...without heels, where would you be in reference to him?

Another thing to think about: IS the sex the bomb?! Once you answered that I guarantee you the height won't matter. My best sex to this day was a guy that 5'5" and I stand at 5'9".

Ebonne December 12, 2007 at 2:09 PM

Thanks ladies for you're comments... I'm definitely not going to dismiss him because of the height... but its just like damn... so close...

@ kayos - you are crazy girl... i know we are all the same height lying down but 5'5... there is no way i could do it... no way... but I'm only 5'8 so without heels he is taller than me... i guess if it works out I will have to rock flip flops and flats for the rest of my life...(sigh)

Skoolboi Krush December 12, 2007 at 4:40 PM

I do not get why women are so hung up on this height issue. I think y’all pass up many good brothers who are vertically challenged. The biggest issue with you and dude should be the long distance issue. That has been a no-no for me in the past. There are too many issues with trust when you are really just getting to know someone. In addition, I am not really trying to fly back and forth to get some booty. Glad you had fun in my town but wondering why I didn’t hear from you. :0(

BTW, I am 6’3”

Ebonne December 12, 2007 at 4:49 PM

yes the long distance thing... forgot to tell you he's a new yorker... from BK... only moved to ATL a couple months ago and work keeps him traveling so he's back up here alot... Perfect because just when I start to get tired of him... he will be gone and when I am missing him he will be there soon... already figured all that out schoolboi... you know... just in case...lol

lea78 December 12, 2007 at 7:44 PM

I second all this. except the height thing, I like them shorter with the running back build. girl you give me a short cocky man with a lil bit of bow-leg and I am through for the rest of the night. Seriously!!!

Ebonne December 12, 2007 at 10:27 PM

@lea.... I'm all about the football player body too girl... its just something about them that is just aaahhhh... he has that too... that's what initially caught my eye about this guy

Mizrepresent December 12, 2007 at 10:47 PM

I think your list is great, but i guess being a little older, i would waive them on the "no kids". I actually met someone once who told me he wouldn't date a woman with kids, i couldn't believe it, but he didn't budge. So i guess you like what you like. I tried dating shorter men, well, ummmm the jury is still out...like them tall as well, caramel to chocolate, well, most of what you said, lol!

Onome December 13, 2007 at 3:50 AM

wow...its good u met some u're feeling and apparently is feelin' u too..i say go girl! go girl!! go! go! go GIRL!!!(lol)..am in a similar situation too so fingers crossed(lol)

Homer is My Co-pilot December 14, 2007 at 8:08 AM

lol.. first I meet like 4 corners of your box, but standards are a good thing. I always say if women had more rules on who they date then dudes would step their game up. The height thing always bothered me but I don't date women who are taller than me so I guess we all have issues.

James Tubman December 15, 2007 at 10:24 AM

homer you are right bra

men have an undying desire to please women

ironically it's the guys who pretend that they don't have this desire that gets the most women

we would step our game up to please women if they demanded that we conform to their expectations

thank god for the desperate ones though

Ebonne December 19, 2007 at 10:52 AM

@homer... thanks for the advice... maybe I should push my standards up a little higher... kidding; but i totally agree with you... if we didnt have those women that settled, as a whole we would have more fruitful and rewarding relationships...and what are the 4 corners of my box that you fit...lol just curious

@James... can you please spread that word to every man in the world...lol @ thank god for the desperate ones...

@ Don... thats all you got... I thought for sure you were going to spit some science on this one

Homer is My Co-pilot December 22, 2007 at 8:48 PM

My 4 corners... lets see numbers
4, 6, 7 and 8. And really I should include number 3 even without a degree. I'm college educated, just a couple credits short of getting to walk.

eclectik December 26, 2007 at 7:17 PM

Good post.
I like the list...not sure if mine is as detailed (Who am I kidding it prolly has footnotes)
I will admit Im jealous about the guy that got the date...cuz you have pretty skin and smile (Tops on MY list)

Anyd you like football...sigh

Anywhoo; dig the writing style and now I gotta keep up on the joint...

I like me some you

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jack usa September 13, 2008 at 3:45 AM

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