Question for the day : Loving someone doesn't mean your meant to be

"I'm not scared of lions, and tigers, and bears... but I'm scared of loving you
Am I the only one who thinks its an impossible
Why do we love love when love seems to hate us
Just cuz I love you, and you love, doesn't mean that we're meant to be"

Excerpts from my new favorite Jazmine Sullivan Lions, Tigers, and Bears

Question of the day:

Say you are in a relationship with someone. You have known them just about all your life, and under a fluke of vulnerability on both parts just getting out of relationships with people that you thought were the loves of your life, you kind of needed each other to get over. You needed each other to feel like you could love again. Although not in love with the person, you do love and care for them. The love of your life, who part of you is still in love with, calls and says he/she is moving out of the country. They ask you can they see you before they leave. You oblige. Things get heated and emotions fly, you end up sleeping together. You know that the person you are with is not the one, but you also know that the ex is not the one either. The ex moves out of the country and you probably will never see that person again. Do you tell the person your currently dating, who you know you don't really love but are in an monogamous relationship with about your infidelity even though you know they will never find out?

And I wasn't going to share this because I was just bored as all heck this past weekend messing around with my computer and did my own lip sync video of Jazmine Sullivan's bust your windows, but I am like wth since I haven't done a video blog in a while, so everyone can see how goofy I really am. Also I am purposely looking that terrible. It goes with the song duh... can't be all dolled up after you just got your heartbroke and busted the windows out some dudes car. Don't!

One more thing... Have you seen the movie Cover?
If you haven't you are sleeping... hella good, and its not just because Leon, one of my favorite actors is in it either. This is a must see! Although, I expected more from Vivica Fox. This role didn't have to be played in the "ghetto girl" image that she is so prone to playing in every movie. I wish she had showed a bit of range. Either way check it out!


Pajnstl July 29, 2008 at 8:46 AM

Somethings are meant to go to the grave.

Keep it to yourself, especially if you plan to keep seeing him.

Cynthia July 29, 2008 at 8:53 AM

I would say the same.

If you are were planning on being with the dude forever then I would spill the beans but if you aren't, then nahhhhhh...what is done is done.

Love is complex. I believe what will be will be. I think I feel that I have found my soul mate but it freaks me out to say it because what if I'm wrong?

Some days, I rather be asexual. :)

UnKnownDiva July 29, 2008 at 9:05 AM

i dont know this is a tough one eb. honestly, i dont really like keeping secrets. i prefer to be open honest, and lay everything out on the table. i dont know y, guess its just my nature but things that i KNOW could really mess things up, i have kept to myself.
btw, yo arse is silly!! lmao

Ms. Jones July 29, 2008 at 9:34 AM

If your intentions were to to get real deep with dude then I would definitely tell you to be upfront and just lay everything out on the table so nothing comes back to haunt you later, BUT if you are absolutely positive that he is a temporary situation then what he doesn't know won't hurt him...*you also have to think about him being a temporary situation now, but turning into something more serious because you know how emotions I guess you just have to weigh the odds*

The Socialite July 29, 2008 at 9:51 AM

good post! And I worded my post wrong...its a 100 Women will Comment to Promote Sisterhood Day! So encourage women to go write something positive in the comment section. Lets get to 100!

Monique July 29, 2008 at 10:00 AM

I'd say charge it to the game and keep it to yourself. It was a fluk that happened. People make mistakes and move on. I forgave Big for doing something similiar (but of course some people feel the need to get even too). We all have a moment of weakness and are human. It's all good.

Shy July 29, 2008 at 10:12 AM

I'd keep that rendezvous to myself, especially if I don't plan on being in the relationship with the guy forever. I agree with other commenters in taking something like that to the death bed/grave. What he don't know won't hurt him, I guess.

And Lions and Tigers!!! That's MY FAVORITE SONG right now by Jaz Sull. That and Bust Your Windows, of course.

Super Dave Van Buren July 29, 2008 at 10:12 AM

If you know that person is not the one for you then why bother? your bringing drama into a situation that's not going to last forever.

The band-aide on your video was hilarious

laughing808 July 29, 2008 at 10:23 AM

No I wouldn't tell. What purpose will it serve?

And as far as the movie: Cover, naw haven't seen it. But it's on my list. I need to find a red box that has it and then I'll rent it.

Chris July 29, 2008 at 10:39 AM

Jazmine Sullivan is great. That is all.

Yeah, if you're not planning to be with that person forever, I'd let that one stay a secret forever.

E2Deep July 29, 2008 at 10:45 AM

I agree with a lot of the bloggers, if it's long term spill it, and if its temp, just keep it to yourself. Dont play with this guy's heart too long or you might see a heart walking around with lips;-)

Beautifully.Conjured.Up July 29, 2008 at 10:45 AM

I always say some things are better left unsaid, and this is one of those things. Why worsen the situation, and the emotions of your heart by telling your "boo at the moment" this?


Leave it with yourself, bury it in the back of your mind, and keep moving on.

Charles July 29, 2008 at 10:51 AM

I love that Jazmine Sullivan song...yesterday was my first time hearing it. And umm...personally, I don't like two timing people...I would break up with someone that I wasn't interested in before doing that...but thats just how I am. And I'm no good with holding in stuff like that of that magnitude, and I would just come conscious would kill me if I didn't...

Anonymous July 29, 2008 at 11:06 AM

I would keep it to myself.

Every new snippet I hear of Jazmine Sullivan I get hyped about her album.

Haven't seen Cover but I've heard plenty of people mention it's a good movie.

(vixenchick) July 29, 2008 at 11:10 AM

OMG I love Jazmine Sullivan!

I would keep that secret to myself.

Ticia July 29, 2008 at 11:13 AM

I am going to need to check this out -

Thanks EB -

1/3 July 29, 2008 at 11:14 AM

I'm definitely getting Jazzy's Cd when it comes up!

Well If I ever did cheat..I think I would have broken up with the guy I cheated on with my ex. If I knew it wasnt meant to be, I wouldnt hang on to something I knew wasnt going anywhere. I prob would have broken up with the guy before I went to see my ex.

OG, The Original Glamazon July 29, 2008 at 11:21 AM

Well I guess I think that is the primary issue with jumping into a new relationship with out healing from the old, it can only cause calamity. I think loving does help you get over someone but it is loving yourself that helps you get over the love you lost.

I guess I would tell the person if we were friends before blah, blah, blah. Then again maybe I wouldn’t, really depends on if I could live with the secret. If I could then I would and if they ever asked I would be truthful but I don’t see myself just bringing it up over morning jo, unless I couldn’t sleep because I felt bad about it. Life… it is nothing but the ultimate conundrum.


The Jaded NYer July 29, 2008 at 11:30 AM

That's a tricky situation... I don't know what to say except that nothing is ever really kept a secret; everything comes to light eventually, and the female needs to decide how she wants her man to find out- from her own lips or some other way

Ms. Behaving July 29, 2008 at 11:36 AM

Nah...I definitely wouldn't tell about that lil' roll in the hay.

LMAO @ that bandaid....


Anonymous July 29, 2008 at 11:44 AM

Hell to the nawl. Keep that ish to yourself!!

faith July 29, 2008 at 12:20 PM

this sounds so bad, and i hate saying this but i honestly wouldn't tell the other person. what's done is done. he will gain nothing from knowing and you don't have to worry about him finding out from anyone else. now, if you this guy could possibly be "the one", then tell him but if you know he's just a "for now", don't tell him.

Lady Cameleon July 29, 2008 at 12:33 PM

Eb you always writing on some good topics!!!!

Well i liked what OG said...

"Well I guess I think that is the primary issue with jumping into a new relationship with out healing from the old, it can only cause calamity. I think loving does help you get over someone but it is loving yourself that helps you get over the love you lost."

Definately something to think about ;)..........

Lady Cameleon July 29, 2008 at 12:33 PM

Eb you always writing on some good topics!!!!

Well i liked what OG said...

"Well I guess I think that is the primary issue with jumping into a new relationship with out healing from the old, it can only cause calamity. I think loving does help you get over someone but it is loving yourself that helps you get over the love you lost."

Definately something to think about ;)..........

Mizrepresent July 29, 2008 at 12:48 PM

lol, where the heck did that band-aid come from, hilarious! You are so crazy.

I wouldn't tell him.

Yeah, i heard about that movie, "Cover", but i can't seem to find it anywhere, guess i'll order it online.

Mr.Slish July 29, 2008 at 12:59 PM

All I can say is

I remember my older brother told me this when I was a youngin..Never tell a person unecessary information can lead to trouble. Don't believe that bullshit about Honesty is the best policy...Honesty can lead to more than a bruised ego if dealing with the wrong person...

Seven July 29, 2008 at 1:02 PM

Lips would be locked on that one. Chances are I would break it off soon anyways and start chillin solo.

Kayos July 29, 2008 at 1:43 PM

I would have to be honest. You know the one you are with isn't gonna be long term. Your ex wasn't long term. I say you tell them to preserve the friendship and just go from there.

If you know deep down you aren't gonna be with them then don't stay with them out of sympathy or pity. And certainly don't stay with them because you are lonely. Be true to yourself. Be true to who you are. Preserve yourself and especially preserve them the humiliation if the ex just happens to come back in town and let the cat out the bag.

That's me. Not saying you should. Good luck girl!

Eb the Celeb July 29, 2008 at 1:52 PM

@kayos - girl this aint my situation... so I aint the one that need to luck... it was hypothetical based on my ex BF last year...

here is the background story for anyone interested..

Me and a friend from the past hooked up October 2006... we both were just getting out of long term relationships... had crushes on each other in HS that we never acted on... and when we saw each other things just clicked... it was right timing... We dated until the end of march. We went on a cruise for his bday in march and the whole time something wasn't right... i felt like he was hiding something or distant. When we got back I broke up with him. Explained that it just felt like we were going threw the motions and although I loved him... knew it wasn't no forever ish. I wasn't in love with him at all.

We remained friends. Like a month later I played a trick on him that I knew he cheated on me while we were together... completely joking... and he came clean about sleeping with his ex-girl a week before we left for the cruise before she moved down south. I was boggled... if I had never insinuated I already knew... he would have never said anything...

He recently called me to see how I was doing so the situation was back fresh in my mind... and just wanted to know how the blog world would have handled the situation.

We are still friends... I mean we grew up together... and the cheating didn't even have an effect on me... it was that he didn't feel like he could tell me... so now I lost a lot of respect for him even though he is still my boy.

hope that clears anything up for anyone who thought I was going threw this right now... Not at all... its almost 2 years old

G-Sweet July 29, 2008 at 2:01 PM

My life mentor told me almost the same thing that SLISH said about not giving up unnecessary information...

The whole getting over love thing is crazzzzzy... and i honestly dont think id tell. but thats part of my character anyway.

Eb ur hella funny... u was feelin that song... hahaha!...

and that movie is insane... my aunt was playing it at a bbq a lil over a month ago... Leons character is a beast, i scares the sghit outta me that humans like that actually exist.

Darius T. Williams July 29, 2008 at 2:03 PM

Um, I'm laughing! HARD!

And nah, if you slept w/dude and he's gone - don't mention it. Besides your current ain't gonna always be your current. My grandmama told me some things I need to take the the grave w/me. This would be one of them.

Anonymous July 29, 2008 at 2:09 PM

i'm going to go all male here and say that if it never meant anything (just sex), then you shouldn't tell your current significant other. just make sure you don't get the 'telltale heart' symptoms of paranoia and spill the beans anyway.

IntrospectiveGoddess July 29, 2008 at 3:07 PM

I would tell the guy and then I would break up with him...if I wasnt feeling him that hard to begin with and I cheated on him then why waste our time....Actually I would probably just break up with him and not tell him after I cheated...cuz if I really care about someone...I wont cheat....

nikki July 29, 2008 at 3:32 PM'm copping jazmine's cd as soon as it drops. LOVE THAT SONG.

then again, if that person ain't the one, why would it matter if it's told when he/she is just a resting area on your journey to your REAL soul mate?

The Flyyest July 29, 2008 at 3:52 PM

like fat joe and ja holiday....


that video is funny!!!! i see you posted it.. and i see you was getting into it cuz i hear your voice.... thats how u can tell a lip sync is good cuz it goes from mouthing it to you singing it!!! LOL

K. July 29, 2008 at 3:58 PM

I wouldn't tell regardless of how I felt about the person or where I thought the relationship was or wasn't going. Some things just don't need to be said.

spchrist July 29, 2008 at 4:10 PM

Tell him...and be prepared for him to leave you. Turn the situation around. Would you want to know if he did that to you?

The only exception to this would be if you were married and had young kids and you knew this was a one time thing and it would NEVER happen again . Then I saw take it to the grave.

TravelDiva July 29, 2008 at 5:29 PM

Yeah you tell. It will all come out in the wash some day. And even though it will never be repeated again, you still cheated. The person you're in a relationship with deserves the opportunity to decide whether he or she can live with one indiscretion or not.

Lovebabz July 29, 2008 at 7:23 PM

If you love someone do not hurt do not put yourself in a position to hurt do not hurt them. Apparently the monogomy is one-sided and it was not something you were feeling. It doesn't matter if you confess or not...the confession frees you and hurts the other person. I would say that you ought to leave the one who's trust you broke alone. Clearly you do not hold his heart in high regard. Spin it any way you like, the fact remains you did not honor your commitment. Own your feelings...deeply. It may cost you, but to live with integrity is the goal and the joy.

FREEDOM July 29, 2008 at 7:43 PM

There is a right time for EVERYTHING! It was just time for u 2 know what happened, which u already knew sometime wasn't right anyway. I believe there is a time and place for EVERYTHING to be revealed or consealed!

Suite B July 29, 2008 at 8:02 PM

you don't have to always tell everything!!!

I just went a listening party with Jazmine Sullivan and she is really the truth.

clnmike July 29, 2008 at 8:09 PM

Might as well come clean, what ever is done in the dark will find it's way to the light.

CapCity July 29, 2008 at 8:16 PM

U RRRR TOOOO DAYYYYUUUUMMMM FUNNEEEE! I think tha's gonna be a viral video! LMAO!!

Anonymous July 29, 2008 at 11:39 PM

I'd have to let it off my chest... This is the thing about me that sucks... honesty... oh well its not meant to be anyways.... why not... i'd break it off after the fact...

Anonymous July 29, 2008 at 11:54 PM

telling fixes nothing, making am amends and being the best partner ever to the innocent party a do your penance in silence without expecting anything in exchange is how you go about that

Keisha "Kitten" Isaacs July 30, 2008 at 8:06 AM

lol...You was having fun making that video...weren't you? That's what's up....might as well be creative when bored!

Blu Jewel July 30, 2008 at 8:09 AM

damn! I'll admit that in my past I've been caught out there in a similar situation and as much I knew what I did was wrong; it was right at the time. I'll take what I did to the grave because it was easier to repent and pray for forgiveness than to reveal what I'd done.


Glennisha Morgan July 30, 2008 at 1:14 PM

I'm gonna have to check this out

Southern_Lady July 30, 2008 at 3:58 PM

Off the bat, I would say keep it to yourself. Um, second thought..I don't know. That's a little complex.

We must talk! I saw Cover about two weeks ago and it was great! I knew it all along. And that's some scary ish@ It's still not as good as Motives though.

kayellejaye July 30, 2008 at 4:36 PM

Don't ask. Don't tell.

Why would you even be in a relationship with someone you know is not the one? That's temptation waiting to happen.

Cat July 30, 2008 at 8:09 PM

I like this jazmine lady. Gonna have to search itunes for her.
As for the other questin I would answer it like the person right above me. Being with someone you don't love is a waste of time and will lead to dissatisfaction and lack of loyalty.

Sincerely Jane July 30, 2008 at 9:56 PM

Something are better left alone and this would definetly one of them.
Can I just say I love you for posting this Jazmine song. I've been listening to little clip on the album sampler like it was going out of style.

K@LiENTe July 31, 2008 at 2:14 PM

keep it to urself...especially if u tryna make the current situation work

Anonymous August 1, 2008 at 1:37 AM

DID see this! And my first reaction was, no wonder, RBW are the highest number of new AIDS/HIV cases.

This movie was crazy!

DollFace August 2, 2008 at 11:28 AM

So what you saying Eb...I should re-think "reminiscing" with ol boy before he moves out of the country?

You were right on time with post. Nothing has happened but I've been pondering.

MysTery August 3, 2008 at 6:13 PM

I would say tell them.

You knew what you were doing so man up and be honest about it.

Help keep this site up and running

and be sure to follow @thegirthpodcast instagram for hilarious sex memes and on twitter episode highlights and daily sex articles.

My Renaissance People aka Blog Subscribers