Happy Father's Day!

When getting ready to write this post... I thought to myself many may think I don't even have a father in my life. I am always talking about my mom and how close we are and I honestly don't think I have ever mentioned my dad on this blog. True indeed me and him aren't as close as my mom but he has always been in my life. Here they are with me when they were together.I call him by his first name. Never have called him dad. The story I was told is that I called him that when I was little... you know, how all kids do because they hear all the other adults calling them that, and the parent usually corrects them and tells them to call them mom or dad. Well my dad never did that... plus I was really close to my grandfather JW who I looked at as more of a father anyway.

My dad was going to turn 19, 2 weeks after I was born.He didn't know what to do with me, and til this day I still think he needed a son. Lucky for him I wasn't that girlie girl growing up. I swear I had every new pair of sneakers that ever came out. That's all he was really consistent at buying. From the time I could walk he had me out running on the track. He was a track and football star back home. Still holds the record for the 110 high hurdles I think. Made it to every last one of my track meets too. Something at church though, or dance, or even volleyball.. he never showed his face.

He's had his bumps in the road, was going to play in the NFL but got hurt and was released in camp. When I was a teenager I used to wonder what my life would have been like if he had made the team. I see these bratty lil kids on Super Sweet 16 on MTV and am like damn that could have been me. But everything happens for a reason.

My father never shows any emotion. The only time I've seen my father vulnerable was when my uncle Stevie was killed. I remember my dad missing for days and everyone in the family worried about him. Til this day no one knows where he disappeared to. I remember right after the funeral he took all the classes he needed to get a license to have a firearm and kept it in the glove compartment of his trans am. It was weird for me because my dad was never a fighter or a gangster. He was and still is the clown of the family. I mean he wouldn't even whoop me. Every time I did something wrong he brought me to my grandfather to do it because he just couldn't hit me. Even when I missed curfew by like 3 hours in high school, he didn't say anything to me and instead cussed the boy out who had dropped me off that late and dropped me off at my mom's house for her to do the grounding.

I remember my dad being the biggest pimp. I lived with my mom until my senior year in high school, then I moved in with him. Before that his visitation was to have me every other weekend, and then half the day on holidays. I remember being over there and he would have 2 girls over the house at the same time and for the life of me I couldn't understand why they didn't know that they were both there for him.

My dad was a big fronter though. He was definitely a lover at heart and never really listened to Hip Hop. Every time I got in his car he was bumping some R&B. Maybe the reason I am prone to it so since my mom listened to a lot of dance and club music growing up. He is the one who put me on to Tracy Chapman. I remember him showing me the CD while we were riding in the car and I thought she was a man. He laughed hysterically.

Him and my mom didn't really get along. She talked junk about him being sorry at times which could really play a toll on most kids but I defended him every time she said something. In my eyes, even though he hadn't been the best dad, he could do no wrong. Then I grew up!
He taught me to never depend on a man for anything including him. Til this day I am my father's only child. I thought for sure there was some sort of college fund for me, but when it was time for me to go, there was no money. I was pissed seeing that he had just brought a brand new corvette the year before I graduated. I really felt he didn't have his priorities in order but shook it off. Worked 3 jobs after high school, missed my first semester, but saved all my money so that I was in NC by 2nd semester. He didn't even drive me to school, said he had to work. My boyfriend at the time drove me to school. This whole situation made me stronger though and I wouldn't have changed it for the world.

He was really into cars and a independent dealer at the time so he did get me a car before I left. A 1991 Toyota Tercel even though I wanted a Mitsubishi Eclipse.

While in college, I remember calling him asking him to send me some money and him saying he was going to although it didn't always show up. There have been birthdays and even a Christmas' since I've been grown that I haven't gotten anything from him, but I was never bitter. It's never been in my blood to hold a grudge. I love football the way I do because of him, I am a cowboy fan because of him, and I have had the opportunity to get him tix to games, autographs, pictures, etc. to bring a smile. At times I even second guessed all the things I have done for him like why, but again I have never been that girl to turn her back on her dad no matter what he did or didn't do. Although he shows no emotion and has never said it, I know he is proud of me and ultimately that's all that matters. So Happy Father's Day Skonion...lol, that's his nickname. You haven't been the best dad, but your my dad and I love you!

Happy Father's Day to my favorite blogging daddies, 12kyle, MP1, and Dave as well as all the rest of the daddies in the blogosphere.

40 comments

B-More BAP June 15, 2008 at 1:51 AM

I feel ya....A father is a father...despite his corvette purchase!

You made it Celeb!!

Love The Post!!

A

Miss Foxxy June 15, 2008 at 4:01 AM

awww.. i really liked this post! all parents, especially young ones, make mistakes along the way.. but regardless he's your father and he loves you! i'm so thankful i have the father i do.. and like your dad, mine doesn't show emotion either.. but the day he sent me off the college was the first and only time i've seen him cry in front of me and tell me he was proud of me.

Ms. Jones June 15, 2008 at 10:03 AM

Once again a thought provoking post, like you said regardless of what your dad did or didn't do he was there. Most kids aren't even blessed with that simple state of "being" from a father or even a father figure.

Mizrepresent June 15, 2008 at 12:03 PM

Very honest post Eb. I have much respect for you young lady. You Glow!

12kyle June 15, 2008 at 3:31 PM

@ Eb
This might be one of the best posts that I've ever read from you.

Brutally honest

You have every right to be bitter...but you're not. I respect that. You could have given up on him...but you haven't. You see his flaws...yet you still love him. That says more about the person that YOU are.

At the end of the day, he's still your father and you recognize that.

Thanks for the wishes!

JayBee June 15, 2008 at 6:01 PM

there's a sincerety that comes across in this post. you really don't seem bitter about anything that has happened. for that you are to be commended. there are many who, given the set of cards that life has dealt you, would not be nearly as forgiving as you obviously are. love truly conquers all.

FREEDOM June 15, 2008 at 6:17 PM

One way to release the urge to hold grudges is to write about one's pain and release it into the atmosphere. We have to face the pain and CHOOSE not to be bitter as YOU did.

This was a nice tribute to your Father.

Thanks for sharing.

DollFace June 15, 2008 at 7:08 PM

You have a great attitude. I enjoyed the post. Wasn't sure if I was going to call my dad, but after reading this, I guess I can suck it up:)

The Diva's Thoughts June 15, 2008 at 7:16 PM

What a nice post. Parents are often far from perfect but I am glad you were able the see the good in your father and the relationship you guys had.

Eb the Celeb June 15, 2008 at 9:14 PM

Thx everyone for your kind words!

Didn't realize it was going to give off that kind of vibe but glad that you feel me.

Dione June 15, 2008 at 9:23 PM

Hey. 1st time here. I really enjoyed this post. It reminded me of my mom and dad and the relationship (of lack thereof) they had. My folks divorced when I was two so my dad wasn't a constant presence but he was never far. He passed when I was 3 but I still cherish the time he spent with me He was like your dad, un-emotional...
Your folks are your folks and you're going to have love for them no matter what...

*>Jewels<* June 15, 2008 at 11:05 PM

I feel you, Eb. Thank you for keeping it real.

clnmike June 16, 2008 at 12:23 AM

Lol, your honesty is refreshing.

Do fathers spank there little girls any more?

All my home boys wont lay a finger on there daughters.

RealHustla June 16, 2008 at 1:11 AM

Your dad is VERY lucky to have you.

Homer is My Co-pilot June 16, 2008 at 8:50 AM

Ok mental note, cover college expenses before buying that corvette. Real Talk I want a corvette, so I'm kinda jealous that your dad has one.

(¯`·._.·[***Fresh&Fab***]·._.·´¯) June 16, 2008 at 9:42 AM

well, after all that, a dad is a dad...i love the way u keep it real on this blog eb, seriously.

thanks for sharing hun

durtymo June 16, 2008 at 10:15 AM

Love how you kept it real w/ this post and honestly I think most dads wanna be/gotta be/need to be recognized for who they are not what they've done (or not done). Most of them didn't have dads themselves so... it's a vicious cycle. So happy you're who you are not because of but in spite of!

Love IT!

Ms TooFly June 16, 2008 at 10:54 AM

This is such a honest post..loves it!

The F$%K it List June 16, 2008 at 11:28 AM

Not many would be this honest about their fathers (me included) Kudos to you! My dad was just a check, we called he sent it and until I was 21 that was our relationship.

I'll take a lesson from this post and TRY not to beat him up so much. He is after all my dad!

OG, The Original Glamazon June 16, 2008 at 11:31 AM

Eb! I am so glad you shared the story of loving imperfect fathers!! I think there a plenty of us out there that do.

What a great post and thanks for being so honest!

I understand the not being bitter, you could have gone a whole other direction with yawls relationship but you chose love and you KNOW how I feel about love! *lol*

-OG

One Man’s Opinion June 16, 2008 at 1:01 PM

I was engrossed in every word of this post. I think this is the best post I have ever read, by you. You took me on a ride from child to adulthood, with your father and I enjoyed every moment. I know it was probably not meant to, but it touched me. Maybe because I never knew my dad and I still long for a relationship with a biological father, even a disfunctional one. Your unconditional love for you father shone through in this post, girl. I ain't even lying. Thank you for sharing it with us all.

That being said, this is exactly why I tried not to read any post on father's day. Father's day is probably the most sucky day of the year for me. LOL

UnKnownDiva June 16, 2008 at 2:30 PM

beautiful ode to your dad. no one's perfect so I think it's great that you give unconditional luv.

dessex June 16, 2008 at 3:45 PM

I've noticed a trend today...its seems like everyone woman who has posted a blog about father's day...mentioned how their dad never really wasn't a dad. I really pray that I break that curse when I have a child. Because that is a really distrubing trend.

Eb the Celeb June 16, 2008 at 4:06 PM

@realhustla - THX

@Dave - boy you know you silly... yes please remember to save for college and now that down payment... because maybe she will grow up to be able to buy her father the vette that he always wanted and sacrificed his own happiness for her future for.

@Fresh&Fab- I'm glad that I come thru as real. That's all I really want from my blog. That people know its me and not fabricated. i'm glad you can feel that.

@durtymo - So true.. my dad never really had his dad in his life. My grandmother remarried and moved away and him and my uncle were raised his grandparents, my great grandparents. I think I've only seen my father's dad maybe twice in my whole life even though he lived right near us. So yes he did better than his father, and since he doesnt have any sons, the cycle will stop.

@ the F list and OG - Thx so much for your kinds words

@one man - definitely didnt mean for it to touch anyone personally but I am glad if you were.

@dessex - There is a trend? I haven't seen any posts but how perfect their fathers were and sorta made me second guest my post here... until I got all the encouraging comments. Who were those bloggers that mentioned their dad wasnt really a dad... would love to read those posts

Melody.Darlene June 16, 2008 at 4:59 PM

we are sooo similar when it comes to dads!! my dad had me when he was 19... since my dad was young i did not have it easy growing up, but it made me appreciate everything that much more.

STILL POCAHONTAZ June 16, 2008 at 5:26 PM

Thanks for sharing your journey about your father...thank God that you have an absolutely loving and forgiving heart, you are one in a million!

1/3 of what I used to be June 16, 2008 at 5:28 PM

im glad that you still have a relationship with your dad regardless of what he did in the past. I admire you for that..I know its not always easy *mucho kudos*

faith June 16, 2008 at 7:28 PM

This post really shows what a wonderful woman you are. Go on girl. You are absolutely right, some of us are not blessed with the best parents but they're our parents and for that reason alone we should love them.

Naomi June 16, 2008 at 8:33 PM

wow...ur father sounds a lot like mine. i'm glad you still find it in you to love him the way you do

PrettyBlack June 16, 2008 at 10:58 PM

That was deep. And real. If they called me and told me the donor was dead the only thing I'd want to know is what'd the muthafucka leave me. Can't stand him. And don't respect him. My question was how can a man raise a family, feed them and himself everyday and not know if his firstborn was eating?

Anywho Swags daddy, my moms brother was and still is my surrogate dad...I love him like one.

Suite B June 17, 2008 at 12:14 PM

awwww...I hate when you bloggers write things that make me cry. That has got to be one of the best father/daughter stories I've read. Although it wasn't the most common one, your words showed how you really felt and the love you both have for each other in your own special way

dc_speaks June 17, 2008 at 1:04 PM

yo, that blog post was so moving and open that all i can say is" Awesome"!!!

straight up!

Aunt Jackie June 17, 2008 at 6:05 PM

it's all been said before but you really touched on some real shit right here. reminded me allot of my biological father who was absent most of my life and although i thought about him time to time i took me until i was actually grown to realize that i needed to know him.

My mom remarried when i was a toddler and we had a pretty normal family life but there's nothing like blood...My father who raised me always encouraged me to keep the lines of communication open with my biological father and that really helped me to get over my anger issues.

you're a beautiful woman for putting this out there.

Akshay June 18, 2008 at 10:57 AM

I think this is the best post I have read on fathers day..... I think everywhere else they talked about having a perfect father ...almost making me jealous...

kayellejaye June 18, 2008 at 5:15 PM

Maaaaan...I would've been sobbing like a baby if I had typed this post about my Dad.

Our story is very similar. I call him by his first name too. Always have. I always defend him when my Mom talks smack. He was a true ladie's man. Was always driving the latest BMW(my fave car). He wasn't very reliable but he kept me spoiled with clothes and toys. My career path also mirrored his. He's a tailor, I'm a fashion grad. He was the first man to ever dissapoint me, but he's my Dad so you get over it and try to move.

I definitely have Daddy issues because of him. How could I not?

Jewells June 20, 2008 at 9:25 PM

Awww, I liked the back in the day pics.

misschriss June 21, 2008 at 12:56 PM

Love this post. I got a little teary eyed on it . Yea it really shows what type of person you are. I am a grudge holder but I am trying to learn to let all that ish go. I have exed alot of people out of my life because of some type of wrong I believed they have done me just to look around and not have anyone in my life. So I guess forgiving and letting go is good for that reason.

Keelah June 23, 2008 at 8:51 AM

This is such an AWESOME post!! Brought a tear to my eye. THATS LOVE!

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