I love you but I dont like you

I had to tell someone that this past weekend. First and foremost, I can't believe, even though it was the heat of the moment and I had been drinking a little, that I actually said "LOVE" but we're going to just go ahead and breeze right past that one for now. In church on Sunday, the Pastor did a sermon on removing people from your life that are hindering your progress. I have been trying to get this person out of my life for months and they just keep coming back. Knowing darn well they can't be the man I need them to be, yet every time I ask him to disappear it only lasts a week or two. Granted I am at fault because at times a girl wants the attention. Then I feel stupid, knowing with him that feeling will soon pass because its always temporary. The reason I need to remove him from my life in the first place so that he knows he just cant jump in and out of it on his terms and whenever he has the time.

Last night I officially, and for the first time I even believed it myself, told him to disappear and really meant it. I am so in need of a new roster. I will never for the life of me understand why a man that knows he can never be the man that you want and need him to be, won't let you be so you can find one that will. Just keep lingering in the shadows and poppin' out when he knows you're most vulnerable in order to stay relevant.

I don't even know if this post makes any sense, I just had to vent for a moment. Pray for my strength, so that I can really shake this fool. Sooooo ready to jump off this emotional rollercoaster.

Loving someone, but not liking them, are the hardest ones to shake. Part of your psyche sees so much good in them because of the LOVE, that you are sometimes blinded to the reasons you don't like them and/or the reasons you aren't together in the first place.

Song of the Moment : Rihanna & Ne-Yo "Hate that I love you"

Don't judge me for the last musical choice. The lyrics are speaking to my soul right now even though the music is extra cheesy and corny.


MzInspiredMind81 May 26, 2009 at 12:38 PM

Eb, your post most definitely makes sense! I concur w/ you. The Barber(don't know if you remember him from some of my posts) is doing that same two step, in and out of my life. I realize with him that I don't think he wants to be here (w/ me) anymore but he's damned if I move on or if anyone tries to take what is his(his words). I finally realized that I can't keep letting him have 1 foot inside of my world and the other foot out in the world still. I had a dream the other night where the Barber died(I know crazy right). I read in my dream book, that this doesn't mean he's about to literally pass away, but that the dream could be signifying that I'm finally ready to 'bury' the emotions I have for him once and for all.

The Jaded NYer May 26, 2009 at 1:15 PM

don't worry, I completely understood what you wrote because I've been there.

Well, not sure about the LOVE part, but I've called dudes up that I can't really stand just for the attention.

So that's all you really need to fight- the need for his attention. After you manage to concur that it will get easier to keep from slipping.


Insatiable One May 26, 2009 at 1:18 PM

"I will never for the life of me understand why a man that knows he can never be the man that you want and need him to be, won't let you be so you can find one that will. Just keep lingering in the shadows and poppin' out when he knows you're most vulnerable in order to stay relevant." You ain't neva lied Eb. This right here is...damn. Just so real.

MizzBlaze May 26, 2009 at 1:45 PM

I totally understand what your saying. I've been dealing with the same situation for 3 years now! SMH

HoneyChildsStyle May 26, 2009 at 2:04 PM

Hi Ebony,
I have your blog on my list of favorites and when I read your post it really jumped out at me. I am actually a life coach specializing in relationship coaching. My website is www.lifeanew.vpweb.com. I know how hard it can be to do what you did and figuring out the next step can be just as challanging. I just felt that I wanted to extend the offer for a free sample session. You can take it or leave it. Either way, be blessed and much success on your path to finding you.....Crystal

Pretty Is As Pretty Does ♥ May 26, 2009 at 2:31 PM

This makes a lot of sense. I just finished blogging about "dusty Old books" that I myself need to stop reading. It is just as much our fault as it is the men who always seem to linger knowing they WONT do us any good. We have the choice to NOT pick that book up where we left off and keep reading."You cannot make someone love you, but you can be someone who can be loved. It is then up to them to realize your worth".

It's time for a new genre! One that will love all of you!!

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts May 26, 2009 at 2:33 PM

See, this is one of the reasons that when a relationship is over I cease ALL contact so there is no misunderstandiong. I feel ya.

Scorned Woman May 26, 2009 at 2:36 PM

I have definitely been there. I felt like I wrote this post.

Smarty Jones May 26, 2009 at 4:48 PM

Eb!!!! Girl, I soooo feel you on that. Going through the same thing right now. I say we keep each other strong. You get my back I'll have yours.

100K May 26, 2009 at 6:32 PM

I'm the dude trying to stay in one of my ex's life. She was one of the best things to happen to me but my stubbornness and impatient drove her away.

As the female, you control the direction of the relationship (in most cases).

Tell him the deal and cease all communications so he knows what time it is.

JuJuthePoet May 26, 2009 at 6:44 PM

gurl there is nothing foreign that yr writing about... imma pray for you.
Your a Renaissance women, you can do it!

Keith May 26, 2009 at 7:14 PM

Even though I'm a guy...I know what you're talking about. We all have people in our lives who we just love, who we just want..but we realize that it's like cotton candy..Looks good, tastes good, but has no nutrients..not good for you at all..no value.

Your pastor is right, you have to remove people like that from your life because they hold you back.
While you're wasting time ,waiting for them to be what you and they know they're not going to be..You're missing out on something truly good.

Keli May 26, 2009 at 7:35 PM

I feel you...

I have one that I love, but can't say that I like him...more importantly, I don't like who I am with him.

CurvyGurl ♥ May 26, 2009 at 7:56 PM

Whew, chil'! Yep, I can relate. When you find out what the real deal is let me know. I have a few partially written post on this issue, couldn't finish them because it's not something I can put my finger on. I totally believe in the 'reason, season or lifetime' categorization of relationships. If his not being a part of your life is what you honestly want, it may take a little prayer, girlie....let the Big Man work that thing out for ya :-).

On another note, when you have a chance, please stop by I'd like to get your feedback on my latest post.

clnmike May 27, 2009 at 12:01 AM

Man I so undertsand this post, it's a damn shame but you cant choose the people you love.

Tam May 27, 2009 at 1:02 AM

I for one bemoan the random phone calls from blasts from the pasts to my girls, but secretly I delight in the attention. In my head, I was the best they ever had and now they just cant shake me. Okay, its really just the fact that I feel like I am in control this time around. Its me who gets to ignore his phone calls. Its me who can be aloof and not make plans. But the funny thing is I dont do any of that rude stuff...I give him the benefit of the doubt.
If you really want him out he will be out. And as time goes on the urge to call him will still arise, but the feelings of dislike prevent you from dialing the number.

P.S. Youre my best friend in my head. =o)

Ms. Liryc May 27, 2009 at 11:54 AM

"I will never for the life of me understand why a man that knows he can never be the man that you want and need him to be, won't let you be so you can find one that will"

Because they don't want you to be happy genuinely. Its their ego's that will be bruised if you decide to go and find something more fulfilling.. They feel like if they keep you, you will eventually give in and just accept instead of trying to find better. Some are just inconsiderate that way. I applaud you for your strength to get up and go. You have to do things for self every now and again.

Everything happens in its own time, and this time it was the last time.. Good for you!!

Ms. T May 27, 2009 at 12:12 PM

Well, i been there. You feel there is a dead end with that person, but you refuse to turn around right? It sucks. You love them becuse you "wish" they could be the man you need, but you just know, that it will not work. It wasnt ment. And if you continue to go forward you will force your self into a bad situation. So you have to let go, and make time for you, so that you can release him, and move on. Its hard, but promise , it will happen. If not already subscribe to www.avalleyofhearts.blogspot.com


i.can't.complain. May 27, 2009 at 9:13 PM

no judgment

just prayer

as u requested.

reciprocate, pls.

i love u big sis.

been there.

hell, am there.


Help keep this site up and running

and be sure to follow @thegirthpodcast instagram for hilarious sex memes and on twitter episode highlights and daily sex articles.

My Renaissance People aka Blog Subscribers