Blame it on the alcohol...

This Jamie Foxx song is causing a little bit of trouble right now. So Semipro told me it needs to be my myspace profile song. Whew it took everything for me not to bop him upside his head. And NO he is not back in the picture, but when I told him it was all or nothing and that I didn't want to be his friend after the pow wow he called me bitter. Yes bitter! Can you believe that ish... and yes I know it ain't nothing but a mind game to stay relevant but it does make sense and I don't want to come off that way because I'm not bitter.

He basically said that he doesn't want to lose such a good friend and that if I choose not to be his that I am bitter. At first I was mad, then I was like, I'm not bitter about the situation so why do I need to completely remove him from my life. So I was like OK whatever... we're still friends but I'm not putting any energy into this situation. So I don't, when we talk its because he called, when we text its because he text me first, if we see each other its because he asked of it (and I no longer make myself available...of the 3 times he's asked to see me since they new year, I've only seen him once!)

Either way we're getting off topic. So I have always been one that embraces my faults. I know I do crazy ish, I know I can be a little neurotic at times... blame it on my grandaddy who spoiled me growing up. One thing I have to work on is not being so laid back when things initially annoy the hell out of me. This is why Semipro said this song needs to be my profile song. Every time something happened between me and him in the last year I never acted like I cared if something bothered me. Part of me felt like he would do dumb ish just to make me blow up. I told him a couple times "you like annoying the hell out of me don't you?" But it never went any further than that. I mean when I'm sober I'm not saying I don't get mad but it normally looks a little something like this...
you get a crazy side eye and then most people just back off because my side eye can feel like a death grip. So usually at that moment I would just let it go...
I have a couple drinks in me. Remember this scene from Love JonesNina starts off with "do you think I slept with Wood?" then they go on to argue about why Lisa was still calling, then she started throwing books and having a fit.

Yeah when I'm drunk, I am 10 times more pissed than Nina was in this scene... and it shows. That's one problem that I have... my emotions are always written all over my face. I get real quiet at first... and look something sort of like this...And then I just explode. I should say though that most of the time I am a fun loving, free spirited drunk. But if a lot of things are bothering me or on my mind before I start drinking, I can be a real biiiiaaattcch.

So like 3-4 times in the year that we've known each other, I straight blew up on him after a night of drinking. For some reason all the rage builds up and then explodes when I drink. Granted the whole situation is crazy because by the next time I'm drunk stuff is usually old and dumb dudes act like they don't even remember what happened which makes me look even more crazy. Somehow though, the alcohol resurrects all of that...every last emotion that I left when he did something I didn't like, said something I didn't like, wasn't there when I needed him to be, was playing mind games, said he was going to do something that he didn't... no matter what it was the alcohol brings me back to that place and I say everything I should have said at that moment. It doesn't help that he has a smart ass mouth and eggs everything on that I'm saying so then I just get even more pissed. Oh and when he starts laughing at me and calling me psycho lady. Then I really flip on Why would you call a drunk person "psycho lady." That's just not smart.

The next morning he would always call and first words out of his mouth "You alright now?" That would annoy the crap out of me. Like he is just going to dismiss everything I said because they were expressed during a drunken rampage.

In the words of sexy Idris Elba in the movie Daddy's Little Girls
"A drunk man dont tell no tales."

So I would always apologize for me exploding on him while I was inebriated, but let him know that I meant everything I said.

So for 2009 I am going to work on that. Just telling people off right at that moment when they are getting on my damn nerves instead of letting it build up. Probably the reason why this gray hair in my bang keeps growing back thicker every time I pluck it is because I keep holding in all this unnecessary stress. So 2009 I plan on no longer having a reason to Blame it on the Alcohol.


Anonymous January 12, 2009 at 12:31 AM

hell yeah! that's what's up. i stopped being all passive aggressive last year and guuurrrlll, i ain't never felt better. whenever someone makes me mad, i just tell them; even if it's trivial. my rule is: if it bothered me, you're going to hear about it. no if. ands, or buts about it. but be warned, ppl will be mad surprised and you might lose a friend or two who are used to you shrugging things off. but it's all good though. cuz now when you go to sleep, you'll be all peaceful not pissed.


The Jaded NYer January 12, 2009 at 1:27 AM

Is it wrong that I chuckled throughout this entire post? lol

Semipro sounds like a very macho and smug lil bastard; I totally see the attraction (cuz I fall for them too!!)

And girl you need to let that ish out sometimes; you are too young for grey hair. Even *I* only have two... c'mon now!

Mr. B2B January 12, 2009 at 3:41 AM

No comments yet!!
i hear you when you say the alkohol brings up the crap!!

and yeah, i do love the fact that you are (already) acknowledging it!!

Love the pic of you all calm and silent, just imagining being around you like 10 minutes after that!!


but the truth be told, good luck, and glad that you aren't afraid of the work!

Eb the Celeb January 12, 2009 at 7:36 AM

@Emeritus - I hate to say it but it only happens with men. A chick I will cuss her ass out in a split second and not even think twice. But dudes for some reason I just clam up until they put me over the edge. Actually not even all men just men I'm dealing with. Cuz I let my homeboys have it too without thinking twice.

@Jaded - He's very macho and smug... and I would call him lil bastard as well but he's huge... so let's go with big head

and girl that's what I thought too... its just the one though, but that mug keeps coming back stronger and stronger... it took forever for me to pluck that sucker the last time. It was not coming out for nothing.

@Mr B2B - Trust you dont want to be anywhere around 10min after

FullComplexity January 12, 2009 at 9:12 AM

I have this same problem. My significant other tells me all the time how much of a problem it is and he complains that I don't talk to him until I'm mad.

I don't know how to come out and tell you when you're doing something that annoys the crap out of me. I feel like I'd be nitpicking. But, if that's what it takes to have a healthy relationship, so be it.

Oh yes- I was queen of cursing people out when I got drunk. It was the only time I did it. I think in the back of my mind, I used the alcohol as an excuse to say what I couldn't say when sober.

lol! Reading this so reminded me of myself!

Keisha "Kitten" Isaacs January 12, 2009 at 9:13 AM

Hey Sistah!

I like the picture.....I always said alcohol was truth syrup...a little courage juice to get it all of the chest!

Don't know if I had a chance to say...Happy New Year...God bless

Amber-Alert January 12, 2009 at 10:02 AM

yea speak up...dont give him (or anyone else) a reason to dismiss ur feelings and u kno what they say about plucking ur gray hairs...DONT its gonna come back thicker/coarser anddddd some more gonna sprout out lol i have 2 and they just be chillin lol

Myowne January 12, 2009 at 10:29 AM

We are so similar...though the truth is I didn't really cuss as much as I spilled lots of verbiage my old significant other failed to understand. I loved making him look dumb. I totally think you should tell people (men) when they are crossing lines and boundaries with you. How else will they ever know? I do it all the time - with family members and men I am supposed to be cool with. I try not to disrespect them but hey, sometimes it comes across that way.

Anonymous January 12, 2009 at 10:54 AM

Alcohol makes me forget I'm mad at you. LOL

In my last relationship, I would hold everything in until it all came spilling out. I would bring up things from 2 months agos. Since that time, I've been working on it. I can honestly say, I've gotten better. I'm quick to tell someone how I really feel now.

.:jeni:. January 12, 2009 at 12:02 PM

my ex used to pull that same mess, asking me if i'm ok now, as if everything i had expressed was merely an exaggeration and had no basis. annoyed the shit outta me!!! every time he did it, it made me feel like me telling him was pointless so the next time I would hold it in, let it all build up, til some breaking point and the whole cycle would just repeat itself. I blame that on me though, I let his actions get the best of me!!

Being upfront and in the moment is something i need to work on too!

Keith January 12, 2009 at 12:45 PM

Alcohol is "Truth Serum" but People
Take you more seriously when you tell em what's on your mind ,sober.

Semi-Pro just wants to have his "cake" and eat it too. You can't ever really be "Friends" with someone after you have loved them or in your case "strongly liked" them.

You've probably already been his
Friend with Benefits for too long and that has gotten old..You're ready for the next level and if he isn't and can't give you what you want..then you have every right to go see if there is someone who can give you what you want..

I feel you on this..Don't let anybody hold you up from being happy.

La January 12, 2009 at 12:46 PM

You know, it's funny; I never realized that I had gotten passive aggressive until my signifcant other made a passing remark about needing to get me drunk to "get any kinda real talk" out of me. It was quite shocking actually. How in the world had I stopped real talking?!

I recognize that partially it was because I got so tired of being the Real Talk Ambassador all the time, lol. But like you, my mission in 09 is to get that swag back.

And that way, I figure, I will have far more interesting things to blame on being drunk, lol

Ms. Bar B: January 12, 2009 at 12:56 PM

Ok, this song is my shit! Lovin' Jamie's new album right now...

That's the way to go. Just tell em' what you want em' to know right off the bat, that way they will have a "telling off" to go along with whatever dumb thing they happened to do... and possible will think twice about doing again because of your reaction.

RealHustla January 12, 2009 at 12:59 PM

Alcohol makes turns of my brain mouth filter sometimes.

Sounds like it gives you a little more courage.

Video Vix[o]n January 12, 2009 at 1:14 PM

that the crazy ish about liqs; it depends on what mood you in and thats the way you act.

i be OD'in sometimes myself, but most likely, I just ramble a lot.

kayellejaye January 12, 2009 at 1:28 PM

So where's the pic of you cussin someone the hell out. That's the one I wanna see. ;)

Seven January 12, 2009 at 3:04 PM

LMAO! I do the opposite. I blow the hell up rightthen and there. That's gotten me in trouble plenty of times.

Ms. Liryc January 12, 2009 at 3:05 PM

Ahh the drunken phone call.. I think a lot of us have been there and done that. Calling and telling someone something that you wouldn't tell them when you're sober, or cursing the hell out of someone cause you know you can and because you're so far gone that you don't care what the reaction is.

I think we've all been there, but I do agree that a lot of the times we could divert those by just being upfront. Speaking the mind when the problem is right in front instead of moments behind... I agree with you 200%. 2009 is about being direct. Go ahead girl

Teems January 12, 2009 at 3:41 PM

Shooooot. I wish I can blame it on the alcohol!! lol I can be a loose cannon and a bag of emotions regardless. If something is on my mind it eat me up and but I let it out anyway and its not always a pretty picture.

Queen of My Castle January 12, 2009 at 4:00 PM

I feel you.

I understand about holding ish in and then exploding. Not a pretty sight nor sound.

Do you...

Miss Mika January 12, 2009 at 4:59 PM

Round of applause to Keith.

I totally agree with everything he said. Choosing not to be his friend doesn't make you bitter, it means that you've moved on from that situation and you are ready for something better. I told my ex that I think it would be better that we not speak anymore and it wasn't out of bitterness. He was full of mind games too and I knew that if we tried to "be friends" he would have continued with the "lets work on it" talk and I wasn't trying to hear that.

Sometimes its okay to let things go and leave things be.

Jimmy January 12, 2009 at 6:07 PM

It ain't good holdin' in all that ish...

Let it out, that is what we're talkin' about!

blkbutterfly January 12, 2009 at 6:16 PM

when i drink, i become nicer. lol... but, i can totally relate to holding things in. that's one thing i decided to do differently this year: be more vocal and cut out the passive aggressiveness.

and, uhm, why do i not remember that scene from love jones? hmmm... looks like i'll be brushing off my copy!

clnmike January 12, 2009 at 7:07 PM's only a matter of time before homeboy is back up in your Power-U.....just a matter of time....

Eb the Celeb January 12, 2009 at 8:02 PM

@keith - I dont think that's true. I am still friends with all my ex's. The ones that matter anyway. My personality is too even if we're not right for each other in that way... they still want me in their life... haahah

and I dont know where you were going with the every right to go get something somewhere else. I've been doing that the whole time. Def dont have a prob there... me being his friend is not going to hinder me from talking to other dudes... TRUST!

@kayellejaye - lol... no you dont...and I might grab the camera and throw it across the room if I ever see someone with a camera in my face while I'm going off. I don't play that mess.

@ms lyric - ultimately its because I had to take an anger management class in college. One thing that they teach you is to remove yourself from the situation until you calm down. So most times when I'm pissed I just get really quiet to try and remove myself from the situation or if its on the phone I tell the person I will talk to them later and just hang up. But I never bring it back up when I'm calm, it never resurfaces until I'm drunk.

@Miss Mike - I hear you but he's a cool dude. Its not going to sway me in anyway to take his calls and texts. In his head he thinks its buying him time, but he aint getting booty, he aint getting loving, I really treat him like he's one of my homeboys. Little does he know, when I'm over something I'm over it... and I'm just about over this whole situation altogether so being his friend wont even matter.

@blkbutterfly - OMG... that's like one of the best scenes. Darius tries to re-enact the scene when she was taking pictures of him and goes "What you dont trust me?" And Nina says "no I dont" and then it was on like donkey

@clnmike - I wrote that whole "no he aint back in the picture" shpeel just for you... NO IT AINT A MATTER OF TIME... he got a minute before he gonna be ready to act right. Everyone keeps forgetting that the dude is only 25. I aint got time for that mess... I need me a 30something year old cuz these 20something dudes aint nothing but a headache.

Mr.Slish January 12, 2009 at 10:09 PM

Keep the gray hair in the bang..That's sexy!!!!

Anonymous January 12, 2009 at 10:49 PM

LOL As silly as that song is I love it. When I first heard it on Jamie's cd I played it over and over. I sure remember that part from Love Jones. Funny I put that movie in the other night and ended up falling asleep. Whoaaaa if you're 10 times as mad as she was then Damn. Sometimes alcohol will do it.

Sexxy Luv January 13, 2009 at 12:29 AM

love the purple on you, that is your color. :)

you look sad when you've had one to many drinks... :(

suga January 13, 2009 at 12:45 AM

I also let my anger and sadness build up when dealing with TLOML and then I end up going off about something tiny like him not putting his glass in the sink or walking too slow...and then of course, I'm doing too much.
So i guess I need to curse his ass out right when I get the urge. lol

Angel January 13, 2009 at 3:30 AM

Eb I'm inspired, I am a passive aggressive as well, when things bother me I just get my face on but I never just say…

I need to start telling people exactly how it is!

Eb the Celeb January 13, 2009 at 11:46 AM

@Slish - its sexy when its all over salt and pepper, not when you got one thick hair thats shining in the but I dont think I'm going to pluck it anymore because the last time it hurt like hell

@glennisha - yeah I can be a mean biiaatch sometimes... and I have fell asleep to Love Jones so many times. When there aint nothing else on TV late night i just pop it in. And yeah I am loving that song too!

@Sexxy Luv - Thx girlie... and yeah I do... its always an extreme either that or I'm a

@Suga - Yup, just let him have

Blah Blah Blah January 13, 2009 at 12:08 PM

Oddly...I dont tell the truth when I am drunk... and everything I feel is exaggerated...
I like you becomes I love you
I am mad at you becomes I hate you.
Just depends on my mood at the time. Regardless who is in my line of sight.

Generally, native americans shouldn't drink fire water...

Anonymous January 13, 2009 at 9:32 PM

You do that. Let it out as it comes up. You'll feel much better in the end.
At least I do anyway. lol
Once it's out I can be your friend again (if you still want to be my friend after I've gone off)

Ness January 13, 2009 at 11:47 PM

It's good tht u no longer want to blame it on the liquor..and to hash things out when they happen i/o holding onto them...

but liqs do give u the push to go further than u would if u were sober lol...but u don't want to be known as the angry drunk either lol...

so yeah...making this change in 09' is a good look babes lol.

eclectik January 14, 2009 at 4:34 AM

I couldn't last as your boyfriend...
I'ma nickname you lil red corvette

Blog still as hot and popular as ever...If I werent retiring Id be MORE jealous than I am now


MysTery January 14, 2009 at 5:29 PM

That's what's up! A strong black woman working on her faults to become a better person. You go girl! ;)

Anonymous January 14, 2009 at 6:16 PM

Lmao! This is a great resolution. You know we black people have enough stress from life in general than to add to it by holding in our anger. Get it out girl!

CC January 14, 2009 at 7:27 PM

I love that song. I'm a firm believer in saying when you are mad when you are mad. No later build ups. It's hard but I make an effort to do it. The longer I wait the angrier I get.

Sherria January 15, 2009 at 2:56 PM

You've just described me....I swear. I think i've been labeled with borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder after some drunk arguments. Truth be told---I ain't gonna stop drinking (at least now) and I can't promise not to blow up either. When I drink I LOVE to dance!!! Everytime I blow up at "him" I just say "well you should've took my ass to dance." :-)

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