I have been stripped bare

So everything happens for a reason... fo' real. I didn't get the tickets... but I am sick as a dog... and wouldn't even have had the strength to go last night anyway. It was weird because wed. night I couldn't really sleep. I had a crazy migraine and I rarely have headaches so this was weird. I took a couple advils about 1 in the morn and went to bed. Woke up thursday and was fine. Around 3pm I got dizzy, nose all of a sudden closed up and I was hot and cold every other 30 minutes. I was laying in the bed under the comforter with the AC on. Whew I am no good right now while typing this...I got a hair appt. today though so I'm gon drug myself up enough to head there but the rest of the day I will be right in my bed. Anyway, here is a post I wrote a couple days ago but never got around to posting because my layout was acting a fool.

So I just finished reading this book. It really made me reflect, on past situations as well as current ones, and the type of relationship that I want. I found out that in order for me to get that relationship that I have to do the following:

"You will have to be the aggressor, taking the steps to identify, and nurture a great relationship."

That statement alone made me realize so much about myself. I love to be chased. I don't like to do the approaching. But when I look at my past, those are never the guys I fell for. All the guys I fall for are always the ones that are non-chalant about their feelings for me. The ones that make me feel like I have to initiate everything in order for it to go anywhere. I have been hesitant to take charge, and only did so when I felt like the relationship was at a stand still.

I have to be able to identify when I do have the very best black man in front of me and be willing to put myself out there.

The book also made me realize that I have gotten a little beside myself with listening to advice dealing with Semipro. I have never been that way and always handled my situations with men as my own. Ever since I was a senior in HS and my best friend went and slept with this dude that I had bragged to her was the bomb diggity in bed. From that moment on I never shared with homegirls problems I was having with my man, or when things were going good. The only info they received was from seeing us out together. For some reason with Semipro I talked about him to a lot of different people. My homeboys, my roommate, and even everyone here in the blog world. Every time something was going on I came here to the blog world for advice on what to do. The book told me that has to stop.

"Don't ever judge your man based on what others say because you are the only person outside of your man who knows the real story on your relationship. What friends and family think should come second on your list when you are trying to decide if a brother is the one for you."

So from now on I am not going to mention Semipro on the blog anymore. Or at least not in an advice type of way or give details if/when he messes up. I only seem to blog about a dude when he is getting on my nerves so you don't even get the full picture of him since all I write about is negative. I'm going to go back to my old ways of truly trusting my own mind and heart and not allowing others to persuade how I feel or how I handle situations with him or any other dude for that matter.

The journey to finding my very best black man begins... or at least the very best one for the winter of 2008-09...lol!

Anyway... so dont shoot me for not hitting up your blogs... as soon as I feel better I promise I will play catch up to all my peoples. Reminder Blogger's Delight event tomorrow... germs and all... it will take near death for me to miss that...


Keith October 10, 2008 at 8:50 AM

Hey Girl,I sure hope you feel better..Try a little Honey and some hot Tea..(with a small shot of
Henny) No Joke..That puts me out and lightens me up whenI'm feeling
sick. I sure wish I could be at the Bloggers Delight affair tomorrow, but I'm sending my regards..I told Mizrepresent to say
Hi to you and the F$%@K It List.
Feel Better.

Jada October 10, 2008 at 9:37 AM

Aww Eb I hope you feel better hon. And I totally feel you on not discussing certain parameters of your relationship. I too have learned that there are just some folks (whether they're a close friend, fam member, whatevs), that just don't need to know all your business. Looks like an interesting read. Might have to pick it up. Have fun tomorrow night!

Just Jasmine October 10, 2008 at 9:37 AM

Well I hope you feel better, I know how that can be.

I find that if you have a true friend (and homegirl in high school clearly was not) they can put the pieces together. We don't need advice when things are going well (obviously) but we need to be able to talk things through with a third neutral party to just get an outside opinion, though that opinion must come from someone who isn't afraid to tell you if you are wrong.
There isn't anything wrong with sharing the pain but I'm sure we would all love to hear about the Joy (minus the bomb diggity sex details-I'll leave that for Xilla)
I am interested in this book so I'm going to run to B&N. I think its abuot time for me to compliments someone's "swag"

Get better soon.

Veronica Wright October 10, 2008 at 9:50 AM

hope you find what you're looking for! :-)

MzInspiredMind81 October 10, 2008 at 9:51 AM

Hey girl,

Hope you feel better soon! Make sure to get plenty of rest, you know RBW can be on the go so much and not get the rest we need! :)

As for not talking to others about the parameters of our relationships,

1. I'm ordering that book RIGHT NOW

2. I'm learning that it is VERY TRUE. Often the people we trust most(BFF) shouldn't know all the ins and outs of our relationship. Right now I'm dealing w/ the fact that my BFF never seems happy when things are RIGHT between my manfriend and I, but when things are bad, she'll stay on the phone and be all in my face. Hmmm

kayellejaye October 10, 2008 at 9:51 AM

I feel you.

When I'm dogging my BFF's boos I always tell her the same thing. "All you tell me is the bad stuff so that's what I go on. So to me he ain't shit."

Coco October 10, 2008 at 9:55 AM

I hope you feel much better. I also learned that if you talk to your friends about your man then you will take their advice and forget that he is a part of the relationship. I may have to get that book.

Ms. Minnie October 10, 2008 at 10:01 AM

Yeah eb, that book is the truth...I did a post on my blog about it....OPENED UP MY EYES TO A LOT OF THINGS!!!

Super Dave Van Buren October 10, 2008 at 10:33 AM

yeah I'm not one for taking advice about women, you kinda gotta go with your gut.

The Jaded NYer October 10, 2008 at 10:56 AM

I don't put too much stock in self-help books, but the advice on keeping your relationship private is something my mom told me a long time ago:

don't go bragging about what you have or someone will covet it and try to take it

good luck on the relationship front, and although I'm nosy I won't be mad at you for keeping this bit of your life to yourself.


Anonymous October 10, 2008 at 10:57 AM

I read that book as well. Very good read. Meanwhile I recommend you read "You Lost Him at Hello" by Jess McCann. Very Interesting point of view.

Ms. Minnie October 10, 2008 at 11:49 AM


thee modern isis October 10, 2008 at 11:56 AM

I agree with keeping your man details to yourself, I learned that this year as well. Sometimes it does help to have a rational yet neutral 3rd party to help YOU sort out ish. As long as you know where your ideas end and where the other person's begin. At the end of the day when no one else is around, you are the one that has to deal with the choice that you've made.

Feel better chica

Opinionated Diva October 10, 2008 at 12:00 PM

I have to admit, I'm not a fan of any kind of book titled 12 ways to do anything.

But I did want to say, that I hope you're feeling better and able to enjoy your weekend.

Pocahontaz October 10, 2008 at 12:19 PM

Heres to hoping you feel better....girl at least even if you feel sick you wont look it when you step out the salon..LOL, just like a black chick, come rain sleet or snow that hair gon stay fly..LOL

Mr.Slish October 10, 2008 at 12:37 PM

YES MAM!!! Its probably better that way...Hope things work out between the both of you...If not I'm sure your very own black man is around the corner...: )

Ms. Jones October 10, 2008 at 1:06 PM

Feel better soon EB!!!! I once had issues with telling my sis everything going on in a past relationship and of course she only heard the negative so at the end of the day unnecessary drama popped off. I learned my lesson then that some things are not to be shared :)

Eb the Celeb October 10, 2008 at 1:22 PM

Thx to everyone for the well wishes... I can breathe much better now, still stuffy and a little woozy but better than yesterday

@jaded nyer- I feel you... I'm not into self help book either but the tone of the book is really not like that... its basically of collection of stories of different dating scenarios

@OD - its really not like that at all... not rules on how to get a man or anything like that... just a little insight on some truths to help you figure out the type of man that you want

nikki October 10, 2008 at 1:34 PM

hope you get to feeling better soon, eb. i might check out that book, though. you're right about that advice from others. i fall victim to it too, and it only ends up clouding the issue. you know what you're doing, so trust in yourself.

Obama Mama October 10, 2008 at 1:35 PM

Yeah, I heard some stuff like that before. Don't tell the good, cause some heffa gonna be on ya man in a flash, then don't tell the negative, cause then everyone will hate your man, and all talking about you need to leave him alone. I agree. But sometimes you just need somebody to talk to. What your book say about that. You don't necessarily want their advice, but maybe some feedback on what you're thinking about the relationship.

Ticia October 10, 2008 at 2:11 PM

I hope you get better -

I need to read that book! I will add it to my growing list

Cat October 10, 2008 at 2:20 PM

Isn't it crazy all the energy we women put into finding how to make men happy. It's a strong market, yet I don't think you'll find nearly as many books on how to land a good woman. But in any rate, I really think the advice in teh book you mention cross all lines. Men want to feel wanted and supported- takes patience and tolerence.

faith October 10, 2008 at 2:26 PM

Wow, I need to pick up that book ASAP. I think the older I get, the more I'm realizing that it is unhealthy and absolutely unecessary to share every single detail of your relationship with your friends.

Feel better soon love!

IntrospectiveGoddess October 10, 2008 at 2:41 PM

I feel you on that not sharing your business I do that alot! and I really shouldnt...

Um I hope that your then best friend in high school isnt your friend now, she is trife

Oh and I hope you feel better E* Hug*

Have fun at the bloggers delight!

IntrospectiveGoddess October 10, 2008 at 2:41 PM

I feel you on that not sharing your business I do that alot! and I really shouldnt...

Um I hope that your then best friend in high school isnt your friend now, she is trife

Oh and I hope you feel better E* Hug*

Have fun at the bloggers delight!

Lina October 10, 2008 at 3:57 PM

Please get well soon!!!

Oh, and you know, its okay to vent...especially on a blog, cause like this is your ish...where you can say whatever. But I understand how a person can only see one view of someone if you talk about the negative more than the positive, and thats okay. You just got to take every thing people say with a grain of salt and remember that they are speaking from the view you have at that moment, which might not always be the real deal.

Have fun tomorrow, and enjoy your weekend.

12kyle October 10, 2008 at 4:15 PM

you're sick??? so am i. i've been sick for the last few days. maybe i caught my cold from you. lol

feel better

brightstarr October 10, 2008 at 6:14 PM

I LOVE that you've decided to deal with your relationships on your own. That's the best advice ever. In the end, you always know within yourself, what to do. If you have to ask others, you already know, you're usually just looking for someone to co-sign.

Regina October 10, 2008 at 11:16 PM

Hey lady, hope you feel better soon.
Love the new look and you KNOW I am loving that Brooklyn Bridge!!

K. October 11, 2008 at 1:35 AM

get better soon!

i feel you on not seeking advice from any and everybody when it comes to your dealings w/ men. BUT i do find that men who are in committed relationships (and happy) give the best insight and relationship advice.

i think long and hard about what kind of person someone is before considering their perspective on the relationship/dating tip. do i respect them? do they make good decisions? are they bitter/unhappy or desperate? when is the last time they've had a healthy relationship? once i consider all of that i find myself ignoring most people's advice b/c it's like the blind leading the blind sometimes.

Ms. Bar B: October 11, 2008 at 1:40 AM

Hope ya feel better soon. That bug is attacking everyone right now so take the time out to care for yourself.

I can feel you on the man/advice/friends thing. Sometimes advice can be one sided if the issue is one sided AND sometimes the woman involved is so "in love" that she doesn't take advice because she can't see the big picture. I think that learning to first realize what it is that you really want and know that you deserve is key in being able to trust your own mind when it comes to if a guy/situation/relationship is best for you or not.

Good luck girlie.

princessdominique October 11, 2008 at 7:52 AM

Okay, one, I'm glad you feel better, I used to get migraines but this new medication knocked them out. Two, I've got a question for you. Three you need to read my book and Four, what happened with the tickets?

WiZ October 11, 2008 at 11:31 AM

all the best on your quest

She W0rd Hustlez October 11, 2008 at 1:41 PM

That seems like a great book you just finished reading. The two points that you shared with us were very truthful indeed. Sometimes things just don't need to be revealed to outsiders looking in, because you're really only giving us your side of things. We have no idea how that brother truly is, ya dig? So the best of luck to you on your journey girl. For Winter 2008-09, loll.

Oh and I hope you get well soon!!

Carmen Renee October 11, 2008 at 3:46 PM

Good for you Eb. Your own heart and gut will always give you the best advice anyway. Good luck on your search for Mr. Winter, lol! It's getting cold out here... I better get on it soon so I have something to keep me warm... ;)

And I hope you feel better soon. A cold compress on the head with your feet in hot water should keep that head congestion under control. I know that mess is old school but it works for me,lol.

[Emeritus] October 11, 2008 at 5:44 PM

everybody i know is sick including me. i get the chills one minute and hot the next.

as for the dude, do what you feel is best. but only talk to ur closest friends when you really need someone.

feel better!

Sexxy Luv October 11, 2008 at 5:59 PM

the book is right that does have to stop if your not willing to tell the good and the bad.

even though we won't hear about you two on the blog i'm still cheering on the side line! lol

i hope you're feeling better....make sure you get losts of rest. :)

One Man’s Opinion October 11, 2008 at 9:40 PM

I'm sorry you are not feeling good. I hope this comment finds you feeling much better. It's hard to keep a good party girl down. LOL. And I am also glad you took a lot of good things from the book. You do know that she has a second book titled; Put your clothes back on. The 12 semi-truths that will help you land a somewhat descent white boy.

Yeah, that's one's not selling so well. Go figure.

Miss BB is... October 12, 2008 at 6:55 PM

Hope you're feeling better, Eb!!

I don't usually ask for advice unless I'm really perplexed. Sometimes, I just share info to a couple people, good and bad, just so I can let it out.

I haven't read back on all the posts so I don't know who Sempiro is but I believe for MYSELF that if a lot of people have the same thought about a person, not everyone is wrong.

Do what works for you, girlie!!

DollFace October 13, 2008 at 1:19 PM

You have to do what's best for you. Good luck homie.

blkbutterfly October 14, 2008 at 9:02 PM

i hope that by now you're feeling better. that bug seems to be getting everyone. i had it all the way here in TX.

i hadn't read that book. but, i had the same revelation a year or so ago about not talking about my relationship to friends, family, or on the blog. "you are the only person outside of your man who knows the real story on your relationship"--- one of the realest things (relationship wise) i've ever heard.

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