I know I know, article after article has come out about the chances of a black woman finding a black man but does a black woman have to chase a black man in order to get one? I don't think so. I was recently told by a male friend that there is so much out here that a woman has to "go hard" for a man she really wants.
His definition of "go hard" meant doing any and everything in the bedroom to make him happy, cook, and basically sweat him for time and attention. This is all before he even becomes her man. This is during the casual dating phase. You have to be kidding me? If this is what Eb has to do to get a man than she shall be single forever. Or maybe I will finally just give up on the brothas and find me a "something new."
Side-bar- I had the craziest dream last night. I was in a room all alone and someone kept letting in the biggest, craziest, meanest rottweiler in the room. All the walls were white but I can't remember what I had on. All I remember is that every time the dog charged the room he went for my feet, and only the bottoms of my feet. He just kept biting them over and over and over again as I lie on the ground. I had this dream about 4 times back to back before I woke up at 5am squirming and with tears in my eyes. Feet sore as if it had really happened.
I don't know what it meant but I translated it as someone coming in my life to hurt me in a way that keeps me from moving. From the dream repeating itself to me that meant the person leaves for brief periods of time and then comes right back to gnaw at my feet again right when they are about to heal. I'm hoping that's the correct message I was suppose to get from it. Either way it made some things in my personal life so clear. When I wake up in tears I have to pray and go to scripture so I apologize to anyone who isn't spiritual reading this post but the following came in my head and realizing this was the only thing that got me back to sleep this morning.
Matthew 7:6 - "Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.
5am, tears in my eyes... guess what I immediately thought of... this live version of Kanye West performing "Bring Me Down"
And I felt so much better about the situation that I'll touch on again at the end of this post, but let's get back to the story at hand. It isn't in my blood to sweat anyone. I feel like men nowadays want puppets. Actually I take that back, boys want puppets so someone please point me in the direction of some men. Boys want women that only talk about things that won't make them upset, and never about the real issues, women that adore them. Now I don't think there is anything wrong with adoring your man as long as he's not placed on a pedestal as a trophy and tries to make you feel like you ain't ish without him. You should put no man before God. Adoration is nothing without support anyway. Fans adore, your woman supports and makes you better. She is your equal, not your maid or your sex slave. If you work on her heart and not trying to control her all of that stuff will come anyway because a woman will do anything for a man she truly loves.
To me a man that wants to be chased shows weakness on his part and women who oblige it look desperate. Women are suppose to be courted. I believe in engaging one another. A man shouldn't have to call a woman all the time and a woman shouldn't have to call a man all the time. Everything should be organic and uninhibited if you are vibin' with each other. There shouldn't be the games of "oh I called him first yesterday, so I can't call him today, he has to call me." I hate all this ish. I HATE DATING. All the games and tests and drama, I'm just too grown for it at this point in my life. If I want to hear a man's voice, I call him. If I want to send a text saying I'm thinking about him even if he just cancelled a date... I am going to do that. As long as the person shows the same love and respect for me. I am not going out on a limb for someone that won't do the same, that is what we calling "playing ourself." It is not my mission in life to stroke your ego and one must have serious issues with themselves if they want to make someone feel unworthy of their time and encourage them to do more in order to validate themselves in their life.
I am a believer in supporting my man to the fullest. Whether he is the man in the mailroom or the SVP of the company. (Remember the CEO of ESPN, started off working in the mailroom.) I feel that at my age most men don't have all their ish together. I know I don't have all my i's dotted and t's crossed. The twenties are a time to really explore who you are and set up where you want to be, not be there already.
But again, in the eyes of this friend, this should be done by women before he is even your man. In his eyes women who do this is what gets them to girlfriend status. I have never been her and have had a handful of boyfriends so I think I can speak on that matter being as I am a great girlfriend. I should really let my ex-boyfriends do a guest blog post here to tell my readers how great a girlfriend I am. I've ended every relationship I've been in. Whether it was because we grew apart or he was acting up, I've never been dumped. I am still friends with all my ex's and a couple still remind me that they want me back. So if a new guy comes into the picture wanting girlfriend Eb without giving the girlfriend title/commitment it is not going to happen because I know how good a woman I am. Even had a homie tell me this week that I am "going to make a great wife to someone someday." So yes I am feelin' myself because it's not only my recollection. Try that with the insecure winches. The bible says you are everything to your HUSBAND and submit to your HUSBAND, not some ninja you met a couple weeks ago just so you can have someone on the other side of your bed at night. I'd rather have a cold bed and a drawer full of batteries to appease my loins.
So I prayed for my friend because Job 5:17 says "Blessed is the man whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty." I'm hoping he realizes this is something about himself that he needs to change. Humble men always end up with the best prize. So if he wants a woman that is truly a prize and can be any and everything to him, his attitude is going to have to change. This entire situation reminded me of this print.
In this I realized there is someone I have to let go of as well. He doesn't see or appreciate my worth and writing all this down made me realize I deserve so much better. Not even knowing why I put up with the foolishness from him when I initially wasn't the least bit interested and he breaks all my rules. I ignored it though, thinking going outside my normal box might warrant a new result. I'm at a place in my life right now where I want to be in love and because things seemed to go right so quick I allowed myself to like him earlier than I should have. Shame on me for putting up with things that made me lose a sense of myself based on that. Sometimes we are blinded by the 30% of the time everything is pleasant that we forget about the 70% that it isn't. We hold onto the hope that the 30% will grow into more but it takes both parties to want that to happen and I currently feel like I'm in it alone. For a man that ain't even my man. So yeah, definitely time to let it go. That 30% will be missed. Some good times were spent in it. But John 14:1 says "Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me." Or we can make it gangsta with the Message bible (which I absolutely adore btw. If you're a person that doesn't read the bible because you don't understand it you need to purchase this bible. It makes everything so plain.) "Don't let this throw you. You trust God don't you? Trust me!"
Songs of the moment : K. Michelle "Bad 4 My Health" & "Nothin on You"
Bonus : Teedra Moses "All That I Have"
Leave a comment
Post a Comment