NUMBERS, Numbers, NUMB3RS...We're still having this convo?


A convo started between me and a homie via twitter (@Eb_the_Celeb) after he stated you should never wife a chick that can't name every dude she's slept with. Now although I agree, I think men should be held to that same regard. He doesn't agree and says that women need to stop trying to do what men have been doing for years. That having a high number is part of being a man.

Wait what? Back that up for a minute homie. Part of being a "man" is sleeping with a whole bunch of women, and not remembering their names. I beg to differ. A REAL MAN is selective with whom he chooses to sleep with and can also name all of them. Have we not learned anything from "Thin Line between Love & Hate?" Men cannot continuously sleep with multiple women frivolously and feel there will be no consequences.

Then he goes on to give me a formula that represents the acceptable number of partners that a female should have.
take your age multiply by 2, 
divide by 3, 
subtract 5, 
take the square root

Now you know me... I did this mess. I got 3.6968455. Now granted I've had those that were only worthy of considering to be .6968455 of a dick since the loving was so whack, but at 28 and someone that has never been married, that went to a HBCU, I'm expected to have only slept with (let's round up) 4 people in my life??? I know chicks that didn't make it out of high school with that number let alone coming out of a HBCU with it.

But then I did some research and found out how women lie and erase dudes that proved themself unworthy of having a number, dudes add to their number. On average, men are not being as promiscuous as they lead on since on average they sleep with 30something women in a lifetime. Peep the sexual partner chart below!

 Here's a clearer breakdown of how many people on average different partners one has in each decade of their life.
All of this is good to know but seriously why does it even matter?

We went on to have a long convo about him being old fashioned and wanting a women to still be able to count on her hands. In a lot of aspects I agree if you are under 30 you should be able to say that but I'm a realist and shit happens. In this day in age the question shouldn't be how many partners you've had it should be how safe you have been with those partners. You could be a person that has slept with 100 people and have never had a STD, and you could lose your virginity and end up with AIDS.

So can we please kill this numbers game. There isn't one man out there that is going to give up on true love because he thought a woman only slept with 5 guys and you found out on your wedding day that it was really 20. Just like in the movie BEST MAN, when Morris Chestnut found out that Taye Diggs had slept with his soon to be wife in college. Although he wanted to kill both of them, he knew that there was still love there. He knew that love was bigger than him thinking he was the only guy she had ever slept with. Love, that real love, that forever type ish does not come over and over and he knew this was that eternal love for him that wasn't as perfect as he wanted her to be. But that's what real relationships are about, accepting a person, flaws and all, and realizing things have happened in their past that they may or may not be proud of. Key word in that sentence is PAST, you cannot truly love someone if you are dwelling on their past, rather than building a fruitful future.

I never ask a man how many chicks he's been with because I don't. I know the type of dudes that I find attractive and would be naive to think they have been around the block a few times and back. I know that if they make my panties wet on just their site, they have made plenty of other panties drip just the same. But men, for real... stop asking chicks how many lovers they've had. We're in a new day in age. Knowing the number never really solved anything anyway. If it did, Karrine Steffans would not be getting wife'd up over and over and over again. So can we please lay this numbers thing to rest.

24 comments

Thoughts of a Southern gal September 16, 2009 at 10:18 AM

I so agree with you Eb.

Do folks really asked that question? I can't recall ever been asking or asking a dude.

★Starrla Monae☆ September 16, 2009 at 11:18 AM

I wholeheartedly concur. Take me as I am or have nothing at all. Damn double standards.

The Jaded NYer September 16, 2009 at 11:44 AM

wait- are those charts and figures? LMAO!!!

I wish a mfer WOULD ask me my number... "NUNYA, fool, how 'bout that?"

ANGELINA September 16, 2009 at 11:45 AM

I never answer that question and you won't see me asking about numbers too. And I agree...I think it's more important to know how safe they're being with said sexual partners instead of worrying about how many hit that.

That Girl Jonnie September 16, 2009 at 11:55 AM

Luckily ex partners, girlfriends/boyfriends, f-buddies, jump-offs and one night stands don't get residuals, but baby mams get monthly checks.

Thats what folks should really be preoccupied with, not with some unverifiable number.

Tuotierugif >^..^<© September 16, 2009 at 12:19 PM

I hate guys like that! lol I feel like everyone should hold me to the same mentality they have for themselves, so if it's okay for you why is it bad for me? lol

The True Urban Queen aka Sharon September 16, 2009 at 12:23 PM

Well, at 37 I wouldn't answer such a question. I am too grown for someone to telling me what I should or shouldn't have done.

The bigger question is not how many people you slept with but did you protect yourself.

labellanoire September 16, 2009 at 12:40 PM

I'm a grown woman and before I got married I got mine, no doubt. The number of times I've gotten mine does not directly correlate with of the type of woman I am so the "how many have you slept with" question is irrelevant.

Angel September 16, 2009 at 12:56 PM

nobody better ask me EVER, I cant believe people are still asking it.

Im laughing...you found charts on this? lol

Yves-Nelly September 16, 2009 at 1:20 PM

Eb, I agree with you. I think that when it comes to being with someone in a committed relationship the only thing that matters when it comes to sexual relations is if that person is disease free and sane. Other than that, anything that has happened prior to our relationship is unimportant.

So don't ask me SHYT! What happened before you is before you and has nothing to do with you!

12kyle September 16, 2009 at 1:20 PM

my pops told me a long time ago...
never ask a question that you DON'T wanna know the answer to.

i'd never ask a woman that (neva asked my wife either)question. i'm not sure that i'd get a TRUE answer anyway. if you know your woman sexually...you know what she does/doesn't do...you'll get an idea about how experienced she is.

honestly, it ain't that hard to tell! lmao

good post, eb

Black Yoda September 16, 2009 at 1:46 PM

3.69 means three partners and one "69". That ain't too shabby. I used to half-jokingly say something similar. I would say if you ask the person(guy or girl) how many partners they've had and they answer with an inequality instead of a number, then you need to make a quick exit. Ex: "How many people have you been with? Ummm...I don't know....I would say more than 40." :-) I remember hearing one girl say, "triple digits"...lol People need a speedometer on their private parts :-)

The F$%K it List September 16, 2009 at 3:31 PM

Do men really ask this question? Why is it relevant, if your number is too low are you then more worthy of being with him. But what if his number is high, does that make him less worthy of you.

God I'm glad I'm not single or I'd stay that way because this foolishness would piss me off.

IntrospectiveGoddess September 16, 2009 at 5:58 PM

cosign EVERYTHING! Especially this line..."You could be a person that has slept with 100 people and have never had a STD, and you could lose your virginity and end up with AIDS."

TRUE DAT!! and thats what the real issue needs to be, are you burning or not cuz all that other shit is irrelevant.

This guy is a jackass, cuz he probably the same nigga that want a chick to know how to swallow a dick without gagging and do all types of porn star moves in the bedroom but oh wait she gotta have 3 partners her whole life so how the hell she gonna know how to do all dat?

Negro Please-kick rocks with that hypocritical shit!!!

Keith September 16, 2009 at 9:27 PM

My Uncle always told me -Never ask a woman how many men she had before you.

1.They may lie (and you still won't know...)

2.They may tell you more than you wanted to know.

So I have never asked. If your game is tight, it shouldn't matter.

Rita September 17, 2009 at 10:01 AM

Jaded Nyer said it best! Nunya Fool! LOL

Great Post Eb.... but does it really matter?.. no it doesn't

Rich Fitzgerald September 17, 2009 at 10:07 AM

Only insecure boys/girls ask that type of stuff.

My approach was the same as Kyle and Keith.

Eb the Celeb September 17, 2009 at 10:30 AM

@introspective - girl you are so on post... 5 tweets later he was talking about wifing a chick if she can swallow a banana whole. I got in his ass on that one! He was like I want her to be that way with me, lady in the streets and freak in the sheets... I replied with freaks are not born, they are made, so you aint getting one that can do that unless she's been practicing with a few before you. He couldn't even respond back after that.

E.M.H. September 17, 2009 at 10:31 AM

LOL @ the equation he gave......really though???? LOL

DC DIVA DATING ADVENTURES September 18, 2009 at 9:36 PM

I agree with your post 100%, and love your response to him...

"freaks are not born, they are made"

I think the last time someone asked me how many guys I slept with was like freshman yr in college...

Miss BB is... September 19, 2009 at 12:56 AM

I don't ask and I'm not telling you. It's really that simple. One of my good friends always says, "Oh, my selective memory clouds the actual number." I think that's HILARIOUS.

But seriously, please mind your business and I'll do the same. We can talk about past experiences, especially if they were exciting, and we'll make sure we're both clean. Other than that, I don't need to know your number.

clnmike September 20, 2009 at 7:57 PM

That is question you shouldnt ask cause the answer will never satisfy you as a man. But if every time you go somewhere the dudes call out her name like she is Norm in the sitcom Cheers than it time to dump her fast ass.

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