The Black Woman : Standards vs. Settling in order to find a mate

It seems this is the only thing that everyone has been talking about in all of 2009. The statistics facing black women and why we aren't getting married. Especially when we want to marry black men. All the stigma's behind our personalities (as if we all act the same) and everybody and they're momma has a reason behind why it's gotten to this point. Some blame it on the amount of gay black men, some blame it on the ones that are incarcerated, some black men have listened to those stigma's that we are difficult and/or too demanding and refuse to date black women, and lastly women are to blame that do everything under the sun with men without them marrying you so you get stuck playing house instead of building a home.

Special after special has told me that I will never get married. In case you missed the ABC special here it is.

I've even weighed in on the topic over at Empress Mag. Click HERE is you missed that. Well 2009 may be over but this topic of discussion definitely isn't going anywhere anytime soon as Helena Andrews keeps it alive in 2010 with her new book Bitch is the new Black that will be released on June 1st. Shortly following will be a movie based on the book. Meet the author.

Why are we spending so much time pointing out that black women aren't getting married and not more time on bettering ourselves. I am thankful for all of this because it has made me reflect on mistakes I may have made in the past and things I need to change about myself. I am hard on men, I know that, but its going to take a strong man to be with a woman like me. I don't want anyone that is weak or that I can push around, yet I do realize that I don't have to make it extremely difficult for that man either. This conversation should be changed to your standards and if you are settling. Many women settle just to have a man in their bed, and then the other women have that long list of requirements their mate must have that even Jesus couldn't live up to.

I personally feel that you are finding yourself in your 20's anyway so for the author to be 29 and that consumed with why she isn't married yet enough to write a book about it saddens me. I'll start panicking if I'm 35 and still not dating anyone seriously but right now, at 28... I'm enjoying life. I have friends with kids that can't do things that I'm able to do. I love my life and am not going to exert all my energy into finding a man because everyone knows he finds you when you aren't looking for him anyway.

Another issue I have is why are we glorifying being a bitch?? I know I can be one more times that not but I don't walk around being proud of it...and why are we so enthusiastic and proud that its frequently associated with the black woman.

I'm hoping in 2010 we can really tackle this issue and come up with some solutions to change this rather than hearing the same story over and over and over again that we will be single.

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