If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans

Labels: Music / My life / Poetry / RBW empowerment

We've all heard that saying before a million times. A subtle reminder that our steps are already ordered for us, and what should be of our life will be.

There was a time in my life where I was really feeling myself. The end of 2007, I had just finished grad school, in my mind had my life planned out, just knew that was the last thing on the agenda to complete in order to start my road to greatness. I had so much more potential than what I had been doing the time I was in school and was finally getting a chance to show and prove that. You really couldn't tell me anything, I had made the connects, had my eye on the prize, and had even gotten a little snooty.

Actually I've always been quite the b*tch, but I got to the point where I felt like I didn't need anyone, because no one could stand in the way of my dreams and the things I wanted to accomplish. I had tunnel vision and didn't care who I hurt in the process. I was on some "if you can't keep up, get the hell out of the way" mess and realized that I needed to humble myself and alleviate that mindset.

Leaving the corporate world in May 2008 was both sad and refreshing. Sad because I loved what I did and the people I worked with. Refreshing because I really needed a break from it. I was starting to get burned out, irritable, and I had a hater that was making things unnecessarily hard for me. Plus I wasn't following my passion. Sometimes you get so caught up in your jet setting, corporate card, high profile friends, and not having to balance your checkbook that you become complacent with your life and forget about your purpose.

I took that entire summer off, traveled and had a good time. Much needed rest to reflect on my career path and what was going to be next for me. August-September I started looking for work again and the market was basically shut down. No one was hiring, I started to get extremely depressed. Having to go on unemployment for a little stint was probably what had me on an all time low. I never thought I'd see the day. But it was both humbling and much needed at that time in my life. The time when I said now is the perfect time to really build on this whole "Eb the Celeb" branding thing and doing talent work again. The mission to get back in radio started.

Freelance gigs popped up here and there to hold me over and helped take care of things around the holidays but things were still always pretty tight. I even turned down 2 jobs because they weren't exactly what I wanted to do. I know stupid, with the economy the way it is now you should have the mindset of just taking any job and being miserable in it until the economy picks up but I never thought that way.

Bringing in the New Year 2010 comes and just when a door is about to slam in my face hard, (to the point that I don't know if I would have been strong enough to make it through...and had me seriously questioning my logic that getting up and going to a job I hate didn't sound so bad after all) another one opens... putting me back in the corporate setting I was in before, that I loved.

I realized that God took me out of that setting for a reason. I needed to reflect on my purpose, revive a sense of humility into my spirit, and be thankful for opportunities that have come my way rather than turn my nose up at people older than me that are still trying to find their way. I really had a problem with people that were content with being mediocre. That didn't reach for the sky, and it also made me realize that everyone's path is different and no one road is completely right or wrong.

It has truly been a blessing to accomplish the things I have since college, to network the way I have, to have worked for the companies I have, and sometimes you have to be stripped bear of everything to realize that.

So in reverence of my current journey to strive to be a better me I will try to do my best to get out of my own way and let God mold me into the person he wants to me to be. I'm so extremely convicted especially now seeing people that don't have even 1/2 of the personality I have in positions I feel I should be in. That aren't even passionate about the medium just doing it because they have the opportunity. Then looking at myself, knowing I'm too headstrong to ever kiss anyone's ass to do what I know it my heart in meant for me so falling back on the digital space knowing it's not my passion but knowing it's something I'm great at and can thrive in. So now am I being the complacent one? This is the place I am now. Struggling with the fact that maybe what I feel my calling is, the only thing I have always and forever only been passionate about.. Radio & A&R, is not what God has in the cards for me, is that me giving up? Or is it me coming to the realization that what I planned, may not be what God planned. Or do I keep going and proclaim...

Song of the moment:

I love Debra Killings!

And ya'll know I love my poetry. I don't have a lyric that truly speaks what I am feeling right now but a poet by the name of Jackie Young, that I've recently fell in love with does.



DREAMING REALITY

to sleep, perchance to dream
i close my eyes and find you near –
as close to me as my own heartbeat
erratic rhythms flow through my veins
as you smile
i see myself in the context of your love
we be…
immersed in the grace of God
you whisper to me sweetly,
“flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone”
and i know beyond a shadow of a doubt that
here
in this moment
i have been birthed anew
in this space, you kiss away the pain of the past,
hush the hesitation of the present
offer up fervent prays for the future
and i sigh contentment into the atmosphere
to sleep, perchance to dream
and should i awaken to find you here –
truly here
i will give thanks
not for a dream come true
but rather
for an answered prayer

© 2006 Jackie Young