Falling in love aint ish...
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-Savon, Love Jones
You ever love someone that you shouldn't... and have someone right in front of you that is ready to give you the world and you have absolutely no feelings for them at all. Crazy right. They say women always fall for the bad guy, and the nice guy is always alone. But what if the guy we love isn't a bad guy, just doesn't feel the same way. It's harder to just let go and move on when he is the perfect guy, just doesn't see you as his perfect woman. Instead you try to change pieces of yourself, try to convince him that you are the one he should love.
All while the one who loves you is waiting in the shadows for you to realize that his arms are open and waiting for you. Then you put things in perspective and realize that what you are feeling is exactly what that nice guy is feeling. You rebound with Mr. Nice guy, only to break his heart later because your heart is somewhere else, and as soon as true love shows you an inkling of affection, you are running back. Even though you know its temporary, you will take any piece of this man who you want to be all yours.
In reality, you know you have to let both of them go. The one who is everything you want but will never lend you his heart, and the one who has given you the world and your heart feels nothing. Or do you linger, hoping that time will make you fall for him just to feel loved?
Is learning or growing to love someone even a possibility?
It is said that many people know within a month of meeting someone whether or not they could spend the rest of their lives with them.
If it is possible to grow to love someone, can you learn to do it sincerely when the relationship was started in vain?
Wouldn't the same sense of security that you will eventually fall in love with Mr. Nice guy, be that same hope that keeps the door lightly open for the love of your life to creep in, hoping that he will learn to love you?
So is falling in love even worth it if you aren't going to stay there?
I've learned that its not!!!
But even knowing that, I realize we have no control over who our heart allows our mind to fall for. So the cycle continues unless you are lucky enough to find a love that remains there.
I wonder if they had some sort of radar that said this love is temporary (it will only last 3months, 1 year, 5 years) would we still allow ourselves to love.
Are failed relationships the ones that gives us the tools to find the one that works?
As you can see... crazy thoughts have been going on in my head lately... none of the above is anything I have going on in my life right now but just the thoughts are leading me to believe that I want to be in love with someone which is eerie to me. I have never "wanted" to be in love. I actually prefer not to fall for someone, and keep a wall up as to not let anyone get close. I let one in and he broke my heart so that only solidified how much I didn't want to be in love because of how crazy I acted when he started acting a fool... kinda like some Jazmine Sullivan "Bust your windows" type ish and I promised I would never let a nig have me out there like that again. But lately I feel like I want to be in love with someone... don't even care for the relationship and dating aspect of it, just the feeling you get when your in love. When you walk down the street and are smiling for no reason. When just thinking about that person makes all your worries go away.
OK... I'll stop there... I don't know where all this mooshy ish is coming from... its past my bedtime... hopefully I will wake up tomorrow and all this foolishness with be out of my system.
Amy Winehouse said it best though... Love is a losing game
71 comments
Love is a crazy word. It will smile in your face, that backstabber.
"But lately I feel like I want to be in love with someone... don't even care for the relationship and dating aspect of it, just the feeling you get when your in love. "
I know what you're talking about girl. I was thinking the same thing the other day. i miss having butterflies. esp for someone like me who rarely notices men, much less, let them get under my skin enough for me to get butterflies.
you just wanna love for love's sake.
oh and i got the perfect boy in my life, but i just don't like him back. but i did fall for homeboy who gave me 100 diff types of mixed messages. that position sucks.
I'm feeling a certin kind of way about love lately.....let's just say it's not my friend right now.
That is one of my fav quotes from Love Jones though.
can't say its possible to make yourself love someone
hell i can't even make myself like anyone
im glad we don't live in india cuz the whole arranged marriage thing would not fit well into our social life.
and u broke that shit down most accurately about how we overlook the good guy everytime
find flaws in him
use him
then throw him away
but, i guess its better to throw him away
than marry (or commit) to him knowing we'd never love him
nice post, eb.
-1-
Girl, Love is a lot of things but like Maya Angelou said on Family Reunion "one thing love is not is unsure"
I believe if you are around someone long enough you can fall in love with them its just the law of attraction. Hell... look @ Ursher and his wife! I totally believe the only reason they fell in love is because she was there ALL the time, she dressed him and traveled with him... it was bound to happen!
check out my blog on love and my definition of it lol
http://justmezanade.blogspot.com/2008/07/what-does-falling-in-love-mean-to.html
Hey EB- There is nothing wrong with how you are feeling and what you are thinking...Just shows you are a warm loving sensual human being that's all. I've been the "Nice guy" in quite a few relationships in life , in which I had to battle the 500 pound gorilla in the room, the guy that my object of affection really wanted. You are right...You do have to let both go...One, Unrequited love (loving someone who
doesn't love you) just aint happening, it's a waste of your time..and loving someone because you feel you should, because "they
deserve it" is a waste of that other persons time. You don't really want them..and in time that will all come out and like you said
you'll wind up just breaking their
heart. You gotta love someone who wants you....it's as simple as that. It takes awhile and as my grandmother used to tell my female cousins- "A girl gotta kiss a lot of frogs before she meets Prince Charmin."-lolol..I know you've kissed a lot of frogs, but your Prince is out there...for sure..
You just aint met him yet.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and pick
your Cowboys over the Redskins today..They should make me a pile of money...(Okay, now I'm just goin
for a cheap way to make you smile...and it's gonna work aint it?-lol)
great read... I look at it like this.. its preparing us for when true loves.. forever comes along... U learn what it is like to want/love someone.. and what it should be like when that person loves you...
We crave love.. its a normal thing... once you stress it too much it will fcuk up ur head... I'm learning to focus on me, myself, and I... because I know thats the #1 importance & in due time my king will be dropped from the sky. lol.. not dropped but you know what i mean...
Sooo...you kinda broke down my last 18 months up to the minute...to the letter. Wow! Thanks for sharing this insight. I went through it and it was one of the toughest journeys that still sorta needs a benediction or maybe a death certificate.
I am the same about guarding my heart and putting up the wall. However, six months ago I would have taken the whole "You're not my kind of girl," experience back, but I realize today it helped to shape me for my "destined to be." When I do finally meet him, I will be fully developed in love and how to love and pray that he will be too.
I feel you girl!
xo
I think your second paragraph speaks volumes! As much as people like to demonize their "heartbreakers" many times it isn't like that all. You just aren't the one for him. (In the same way that the other guy you are referring to- the one who would give anything for you- is not the one for you).
Admittedly, there are men out there that are the spawns of the devil (every scorned woman can't be wrong!)and thats how they behave...lol
But love is a great feeling. I've heard that women are programed to forget the pain of child birth (I wouldn't know first hand) so they can do it again.
Maybe loves like that too?
I think growing in love with someone is possible. You know like those people who are in arranged marriages. Its like being friends before being lovers.
For me Love is like Musiq said "the moment I spoke your name, I knew I couldn't live without you"
Yeah I've done some crazy things because of love, or more like I was so aggrevated that I was giving all my love and he still didn't want to act right, so I let rage guide me through my aggrevation. Its all about control.
But I don't think I could live life without someone to love. Right now I'm married and I hope it last forever, but tomorrow is not guaranteed to no one, so then next would be my kids.
But if I somehow found myself without my kids or my husband, I would have to have someone to love and love me back. Yeah the love me back, part is the tricky part, but its possible, very possible. It happens all the time.
love is for losers...simple as that.
i'm not falling in love...i like standing on my feet!! lol
"Are failed relationships the ones that gives us the tools to find the one that works?"
Yup, hopefully you dont have to go through to many to figure it out.
You can definitely grow to love someone. Sometimes you don't figure someone out right away and it takes time to get to know their inner-being
I think there is something in the air...
Maybe there is just something about the summer and leading into the fall, all the weddings and such...
Leads us single ones to thinking how great it would be to fall in love and FIND THE ONE! I'm right there with you...I just feel so...READY!
But this post...SAYS IT ALL! Just the way things work out...you feelin' the one who doesn't seem to be feeling you...and the one who is feeling you...just isn't THE ONE! *sighs and turns on Jazmine Sullivan's In Love with Another Man*
Thanks for letting me know, I'm not alone!
wow, all of that was junior high and high school. love is a weird emotion cuz you don't know who to direct it towards or if its towards the right person. Confusing as heck, it is. Until I find "the one," i'm taking a break from love. Leave that to the pros. I'm currently in a relationship with my work now.
Eb,
I think we have all been in love. I married my ex trying to find the same happiness and love I had years after my "Bust Your Windows" love broke my heart.
I don't think you can learn to love but I do think you can grow into love, but has to be some kind of love in there somewhere.
Are failed relationships the ones that gives us the tools to find the one that works?
Yes, I completely failed relationships, like all failures, must happen to allow us to grow and gain new perspectives. I can find something about every relationship I had before TOM A that has helped me make the right and real choices with him.
I think any amount of time being in love is worth the risk, its a place that I have just come too. We can't spend our whole lives with our guards up trying not to be sad, sometimes you just gotta take the risk and go for it.
GREAT BLOG!! Love this post.
-OG
i have taken on the way of thinking that the wise woman is the happy woman, so listening to my "heart" isn't where its at right now...and i totally am feeling this esp the love jones quote
Great post, lil sis
You made some valid points.
I don't think you can make yourself fall in love with anybody.
Keep in mind that before you love a man...you'd better make sure that he is your friend. If he aint your friend, then you're wasting your time. The man needs to be your friend if you plan to be with him for a long time...THEN you fall in love!
Great quote, too
I listened to that song LAST NIGHT.
Get well, Amy Winehouse.
Beautiful post. Seriously..
Unfortunately my behind doesn't know what love is beyond the love of God and a Mother's love. Hmm....
Eb, girl, you're right. Theres nothin worse than loving someone who doesnt truly love you back. And you feel like the "Nice" guy is gonna be 100 with you but you're not ready to leave the "bad" guy alone just yet.
I'm saying it this way cuz the bad guy isnt bad just bad for you if he's not returning the love you're giving. But yet, you still feel like giving it to him.
Man you've brought a lot to the table. Give me sometime to think about it. I'll write you a follow up blog in reponse to yours.
maybe answer the questions you asked in depth.
ok first the jazsullivan playing in the background is apropos! but then, amy winehouse definitely sums it up the best!
"All of these people running around here jumping, skipping, falling in love... falling in love ain't shit. Somebody talk to me, PLEASE, about how to stay there."
-Savon, Love Jones
One of my favorite lines from Love Jones that and "Let me break it down so that it can forever and consistently be b-roke!"
Anyway..... I agree that the last guy that broke my heart, I told myself I wouldnt let another guy take me to the place I went to when he played me to the left...it was a horrible feeling. I find myself wanting to have the loving feeling too..but first I would rather be in love with myself.
Oh, I just LUVS your house! I think me gonna be hangin' out here long time!
And thanks for stoppin' by my house, I really appreciates it! Ya welcome anytime, day and night!
www.jhazzaisworld.wordpress.com
Ahhhhh the first few stages of love is a great feeling...
I think as you learn someone your feelings for them either grow or not, so yeah I think you can learn to love someone by learning more about the real them....
Its crazy how some of these comments go from one extreme to another. I don't know, I guess it just depends on what stage you're at and your previous experiences with love. From a guy's perspective, and even better, from the 'good guy's' perspective, it always seems as if the women do go after the bad guys. Well, not always necessarily the 'bad guys', but the guys who are edgier than us. And then from several false starts and heartbreaks because some don't know exactly what they want, most of us are left scorn and don't even bother at all...or go at shit half heartedly, which is a damn shame.
"... don't even care for the relationship and dating aspect of it, just the feeling you get when your in love."....<<<< I totally feel you on that! In a way, I don't want to get serious and let my guard down, but then again I want that feeling of having someone in your corner. Your one & only, you know?
This is some good isht. And I think I am feeling the same way.
"Love oh love, stop making a fool of me"
just want to let u know, this has got to be my fav blog post of all time. I feel exactly where you are coming from. Love is a loosing game, it is everything, it's nothing. awww mannn...I just wanna stay away from it really.
Hey Sistah!
"You ever love someone that you shouldn't... and have someone right in front of you that is ready to give you the world and you have absolutely no feelings for them at all."
Yep and if I didn't believe everthing happens for a reason...I'd pimp slap myself for my foolishness....but we live and we learn...and I thank God the foolish girl is long gone and a wiser woman now resides in this body of mine.....so that next time...I don't make the same mistake...when you know better...you sho nuff gotta do better!
First of all Eb in order for one to fall in love they have to know what love is..
My question to you. Do you know what it is...
Love just isn't about the long walks in the park, candlelight dinners, and toe curling sex that will make you wanna call your momma. Love is waking up every morning and going to a job you hate because you need to provide that roof over your family's head.
Love is being there for your significant when they are in excrutiating emotional and physical pain
Love is listening to senseless jibba Jibba that means the world to them..
Love is having to deal with Psychotic In laws...
There's more but I'd be typing all day, but If you can deal with the bad as well as the good..Then like I've said before Love will find you and you will be prepared....
Hey Eb
this is a very dope read...
is it going into the other article section that you write somewhere
it sounds like a really deep telephone conversation with someone you are falling for more everyday!!!
nice
@Slish - I know what love is... and I know its hard work...I have been there before... and we even lived together so it was a whole different level of love... but that's the reason why I said I don't want the relationship aspect of it.. which includes all the things you mentioned... I just want the bliss feeling that love gives you when everything is going well.
"Why do we love love when love seems to hate us"
I feel you Eb. I've been feeling like that for a while now. Pleading with GOD to let me be in love for the summer. Didn't happen, though some drama still went down.
Anyways, I remember what it felt like to truly be in love and have that person love you back. Seems as if that is almost impossible in today's society. People are really all about themselves and instant gratification these days. No one want to put in the work it takes to building something great which is a sin and a shame.
I hope your desire is soon fulfilled in a most pleasant and unexpected way. And I hope it exceeds all of you're expectations!
BTW...LOVE love jones, that quote is the truth!
I just had this kinda convo with someone. weather you grow to love someone or you just know instantly. Long story short we got no answers.. lol
I have a Mr. Nice. He says some of the most beautiful things to me. Sings to me. I look in his eyes and know that he loves me.
But for him I feel NOTHING.
He drove four hours to pick me up and take me an hour and a half away to see Eric Benet and Dwele. I still felt nothing. He gives me the world when in his presence, and I can't give him five cents in return.
I thought about giving him a try. Maybe this could turn into something.
I couldn't do it. My feelings would have been faux and I wouldn't be able to live with hurting him.
So in the end, just be true to you, to your heart. The one who will give you (and me) his heart will come along. And for that feeling of love I am ready for.
with stranger on this as well as a many splendind things
Lmaof..Yup you're a Taurus cause that's exactly how I feel sometimes...lol
@jada - yes girl... jazmine's album is so on point right now... both Lions, Tigers, Bears, and My foolish heart exemplify everything in this post... her album came at the bet possible time for me
@Slish - We need to do our B-day parties together next year...lol
I feel you Eb.
I went out with a guy, who would give me the world if he could, this weekend. But I'm just not feeling him. I know in the end I would just break his heart but my heart wouldn't be into him.
I thought love had my back the last time. I'm not to quick to let love back in.
Ok. I LOVE this post. I oftentimes wonder if there's a use in emotions at all. Emotions always leave a person changed in some way, be it a good change or a bad one. I feel like it's much better to just have a life devoid of emotions, that way when things hit the fan, we can recuperate with relative ease and still stand tall in the process..
That whole, "its better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" is the biggest bullshyt that I have EVER heard. I think that it was written by a smitten individual who had never really felt a pain such as love. Maybe love just fell in their lap and they never "lost" it but tried to sympathize with those that have with that whole quote in general.
The love you described hurts, especially (like you said), if the person you love isnt a "bad guy" at all. And all the while there's someone willing to love you with open arms and you just can't and wont feel it.
Love is definitely an unpredictable emotion. I've been in the situation where you love someone that doesn't quite love you back and having dude on the side saying he wants to love you, but not giving him the time of day. Some of the same thoughts about love go through my head, but I'm at a point where I'm learning to genuinely love myself before I share that part of me again. And when the time does come it'll still be tough and feel risky, but I guess with no risk nothing ever gets accomplished right...
Girl, being in love is the best and worst thing that can happen to someone. It can be scary. disappointing and down right crappy at times but damn it can be total bliss too.
It's crazy, i just posted on this topic. All of the above are exactly what i feel I am going through. When it comes to a realtionship I definitely feel people get to a point where they ask themselves, what's love go to do with it and i think that signals when its time to go
OMG. This is like some real twilight zone shit!! I feel you on every single thing up in this post!! I am currently going through the exact thing you are talking about!! It is safer to guard your heart beacuse everytime you leave it open to love, it somehow gets broken. I have a conscience so I would never break anothers heart intentionally cause it hurts too damn bad and the guilt would almost kill me. Good Post!!
Damn EB...you really sound like me right now. Shared the same thoughts with a friend
Very well written. I feel you on this. I havent' been over here in a while. I have been missing out ...
BTW ... How about those Redskins? ... hee hee
(it's all love)
Very insightfuly post.
Falling in love is so fluid. It is the time and effort after that 6 month period of bliss that speaks volumes.
But once you grow and learn yourself... You know the difference between your wants and needs and you open yourself to true companionship, that love where you smile for no reason, look foolish and don't care, feel all warm just because.
Yep. To be in love is an interesting frame of mind. It really does makes those who've experienced it do some crazy stuff. Half of which gets on my damn nerves most of the time, but I will agree that it is nice to love someone who actually loves you back =)
Man, I've been there. I had to break it off with a man who, although he actually was a nice guy, he wasn't good for me because his problem was he's a commitment phobe. We kept doing this off and on ish that's not healthy and although our feelings are strong for each other and we're great together, he simply can't get over whatever it is holding him back from me, so I had to dead it this time. I've had my heart broken by him before so I just couldn't fall into that trap again. Together for almost a year the second time around and still we're untitled? I couldn't do it. But "breaking up" with him really hurt. I rand "Love is a Losing Game" like 500 times back to back the day after lol. We're still friends and very, very attracted to each other, but it sucks that he keeps making excuses as to why we can't be together. It is what it is. But this time around, I learned to follow logic and not my heart. Can't burn me twice. Sigh...
P.S. Yeah, love sucks lol.
I would gloat right about now, but my team lost too...so I'll just call it even. Tough weekend.
You my dear Sister need to compile a love list! 100 things you want in a mate. Once you do that...your true love will be before you...atleast on paper...smile!
i finally find the love i want, need, deserve and the fool is going on tour... le sigh... but i'm gonna step out on love, blind faith and see what happens... life goes on when love fails, thats what you have to remember... you can always pick yourself up. eventually.
If you don't respect love...then you can't love love the way love loves you.
Instead of finding love...how about finding filler...
That way, you can be satisfied with the infatuation...instead of the heartache of love. 'Cause believe me when I say...love hurts. Feels good down to your toes...and even when love is in full bloom...it can make your heart hurt and your mind scream.
Careful what you ask for...might find yourself going crazy...in love.
girl i know all to well what your talking about. this post, all of it, could have been written by me. i love that amy winehouse track...and 'tears dry on their own.'
Eb - you know u preaching, right?
I can sooo relate. You know...my ex-husband was my first everything. I learned so much from that relationship. At first I didn't want to move on and wouldn't allow anyone else to love me, but the more I began to love myself, the easier it became to allow another to love me because then I had it in my mind that I DESERVED to be loved by a man that simply adores and dotes upon me. Time heals all wounds...if you allow it to.
This is real talk right here. I don't know if you can ever force yourself to love someone, or make that love grow in someone else. I've felt a lot of what you wrote about, and I believe that the mess we go through in love really is in preparation for the "one".
When I met my guy, I was trying like hell to make someone else have feelings for me and at the same time dealing with awkward feeling of being Ms. Right to someone I didn't really like. I found that the love that led me to my soon-to-be-hubby was very very patient, but persistent. I appreciate that love so much now and would give everything I have to keep it, but I don't think I could have that same appreciation for it if I hadn't previously gone through all sorts of messy things in love.
you told the truth. i can totally identify with this situation right now. was rejected by a cat i was feeling and another cat is totally feeling me and i can't drum up emotions for him. it really sucks.
but one thing i HAVE learned is that if it's not there in the beginning, IT WON'T EVER BE THERE. don't let anyone tell you otherwise. i fucking MARRIED the 'guy who would give me the world' thinking i would grow to love him the way he deserved to be loved and it NEVER HAPPENED. eventually a sista begins to feel guilty cuz this great guy is in love with her and she can't 'get it up' so to speak.
cut both they asses loose and just start over. better all around.
I was in love w/ a bad guy. I had that "bust his FACE" kinda love, but the love I had for the good guys were so much healthier...for the both of us.
I miss that. I need that in my life.
This is the first time I have read your blog, a friend recommended it to me. Recently I have been struggling with go with my head or my heart. I have also never been the type to look for love or even want it but now I do (strange). I am glad I read your blog today it kind of gave me another outlook on it.
no truer words were ever spoken. i wish i could invent a pill to take to fall out of love with mr wrong and another one to take for mr right. how crazy rich would i be???
I've become a lerker over here and not for sure why, but this post has brang my tail out the closet! Lol
You know Eb I'm loveless because I was chasing a love that wasn't chasing me. But I have to much love to give away so I can't let this get the best of me, I may have been knocked on my ass but I'm now standing on my two feet ready to find what I'm looking for!....love that is.
Great post!
Love can be the best or worst thing in the world. And I always seem to fall out of it, even with people that seem to be the forever type. I wish I could answer your questions but I can't because I'm looking for the same damn answers. When you find out let me know!
yes girl. i've had mr. nice guy and trampled over his heart for the one who was "all wrong." (at the time). dude was everything on paper. driven. bout to be a wall street success story. well-dressed. well-mannered. romantic. and all that jazz. but the spark just wasn't there. and i tried so long to create the illusion of this spark and i kinda just lost myself in all that faux love. i ran back to the "bad guy" who turned out to be not so bad after all. hey it doesn't always work out like that but such is life.
great post!
shit! this must be the post you were referring to. im speechless mamma. you pretty much just summed up every possible thought in my head about love. Amy's song is the truth. SHE is the truth. i guess its up to people like us to fix this shit. or for that matter, live with it as pitiful it is.
[thanks for this post!!!]
thats my FAV character in the whole movie. i love that quote...
also..."love is what you make and with whom you make it"
-KB
Eb...girl, you betta stop reading my mind! *smh* I am so over the whole "misunderstood bad boy" thing. All I want is a nice guy but ironically now that I'm ready for'em they ain't checkin for ME, anymore. lol Well hopefully things will come full circle again before I'm 40 because I have no intentions of settling =p I'm going to keep on living that RBW life to the fullest and hopefully that love I'm looking for will be the cherry on the top one day :)
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