My current intimate situation has really taught me a lot about myself. I am truly crazy... and not in a bad way... in a good way but I am crazy. If I was a dude I would probably run as fast as I could, but since I'm me and there them, they just brush off the temporary insanity because they know most of the time I am the coolest chick they ever dealt with.
I am very low maintenance, but then I wonder why a nig never does anything extra. Just because I like to stay at home to watch the game doesn't mean I don't want a real date from time to time, and that also doesn't mean I want to be the one that has to initiate it all the damn time.
The ultimate assessment of my complex simplicity is that I don't want a boyfriend, but I want someone to want to be my boyfriend. Is that selfish, or even crazy? Like Semipro.. we had a conversation, we're both hard as nails, and will never admit to each other that we like each other... I don't know if this 2 taurus' thing is going to work for too much longer. We are both hella bull-headed. So I get hella drunk and we talking and I realize the next day that I was an emotional wreck. He didn't even know how to take it...lol.
Asked me why I was being so sensitive. For the most part, I am a tough girl, and he had never seen this side of me. But calling me sensitive when I am hella drunk is the last thing you wanted to do... I straight went off on a rant about how much I wasn't sensitive, which only proved even more how much I am...lol
So when I was sober we revisit the conversation. Mind you I didn't plan on hearing from him for a couple days after the "where is this going?" conversation, but he called me the next day. Only to tell me that he had learned so much about me the night before. Telling me I was affectionate, sensitive, and crazy. I replied, "i can be affectionate at times, but I am NOT sensitive, and I am crazy but in a good way and you like it." We both admitted without saying it that we like each other but don't want labels, we are enjoying kicking it, and even though I don't want him to be my BF, I wanted him to say that he wanted to be so that I could say let's just take it slow. I feel like I've lost all control since my drunken rant is what brought about the whole damn thing...ugh!
He'll be back in NYC for good next week. This should be very interesting to see how this thing develops with us actually being in the same city for a while.
Then I got these couple other dudes that be calling me and I'm just like Why? I can't even pay them any attention because Semipro has seriously crushed my ego by not wanting me more than I want him. I hate this mess... I hate the ball not being in my court.
In most of these instances I usually pull away from the dude for a minute so psychologically it makes me feel like they want me more or I will lose all interest. Have the only time we talk be when they call me for a while, or the first couple times they want to chill after the pow wow I am conveniently busy.
My homies say I date like a dude. I never really saw it before but I think in this case I sort of do. Problem is, I don't have the testosterone to keep me from over-analyzing the situation.
So I am sitting here pissed as hell that he doesn't want more even though I don't either. Crazy right?
I need to get to the point soon where I want someone to be my boyfriend though. I have less than 4 years to get married. As my loyal readers know my wedding date is May 5, 2012. So I gotta hurry up and get me a boyfriend, so I can make him fall in love with me in order to propose, by the winter of 2011 so that I can make this date.
Yeah, that last part prolly sound real crazy too, and nothing in there was simple... that's straight Complex Crazy!
But at least I know it right fellas... a chick that knows she's crazy is so much better than the one that doesn't know right?
On another note... I chose not to answer 1/3's question about my feelings of R. Kelly. In those type of situations, being that I am a crazy R&B head, I try to separate the music and the man. R. Kelly has had some classic, classic hits that you just can't deny of him, no matter what he has done outside the recording studio and I am still a fan of his. Now recently this mess with him thinking he is a Hip Hop artist, and the fact that he is too damn old to be still hanging on to them baby braids (and for the record that Hairbraider song is the worst, but I am really feeling this new track Playas get lonely that sorta-kinda relates to this post but not really)
Semipro is an athlete, so he's had his fair share of pimping as they all do and I'm sure had a fair share amount of booty. For him it was him having a daughter a couple years ago that slowed him down. But I want the guys to get in and have an open forum and speak on what that real turning point was that made you turn in your player card. If it was a woman, then what about her made you change, because ultimately we know that we cannot change you, you have to want to put the card away yourself, but we do realize that there are things you can see in us that lead you to change. So what is it, or what was it for you that made you settle down. Oh, and if you haven't turned in your player card yet... why is that? For the most part my male readers are over 25 so let's have some grown folks talk!
52 comments
You do date like a dude. Nothing wrong with that as long as its what you want.
They say you say exactly how you feel when you are under the influence.
I would never say I was a player but all my people do. I won't settle down until I find that someone that meets all of my needs/wants. I'm not willing to settle and I don't expect anyone that I'm with to either. She better be on point from her credit to her toes.
your a woman so by nature your crazy... lol
I'm with semi-pro, having my daughter changed everything in regards to women, I realized that I'm her first role model on how a man should be and I didn't her to think a man should be constantly chasing some ass.
i think its good at least you know what you WANT and what you DON'T WANT. now what you want may be difficult for some people to accept, but someone will get it and be on the same page or be able to get on the same page with you. on the same coin, however, you can't knock a man for having his own priorities and wants and don't wants, especially when you're not trying to establish a relationship. maybe you might want to truly communicate what it is you feel, it may not be what is apart of the ultimate plan to have him want you more than you want you, but that is a price you pay, when you're just kicking it and expectations aren't established.
wish you well with this ma.
eb,
that's crazy
*wink*
u like him. but u want him to like u more than u like him
so u can tell him to cool his jets
lol
u do date like a man.
get 'em girl.
semipro seems like a catch.
pun intended
ima go ahead and save the date just in case yall decide to quit being so bull-headed and fall in love.
i just know your wedding is gonna be sick
*in a good way*
and have some great cake.
-1-
it sounds like those notes you passed around in jr high
"do u like me?
check ___yes, ___no, ___maybe"
yall are f*ckin around talkin bout "maybe" lol
as my grandma would say, "in due time baby"
Being drunk always leads to convo's and drunk dialing - ahh..... been there EB :)
Open your heart -
damn...you are crazy. No let me stop playing with you.
I think as a woman we all have these thoughts. I remember thinking a few years back that I hated being so cool with all the boys because it came to a point where they stopped looking at me as a woman and that was spilling over into my personal life. You can still be EB and stay true to yourself and demand the other things in life you want to.
Oh and I don't think I ever had a player card, but I made a few men turn their card...and the way I did was by the power of the...let me stop
where do i start. first let me say that i totally get the mad because the person doesn't want you more than you want them. i also like having the ball in my court, especially since i'm so nonchalant about stuff. i don't like to seem pressed. drinking lowers your inhibitions so prolly whatever stuff you said you wanted to say anyway. the sensitive side of you (whether you think it exists or not) that apparently reared its head has for far too long been looking for an outlet. it's good it got out. that being busy after it goes down is definitely acting like a dude in my opinion. hope you get what you want (which is what you don't want) if i understood this post. maybe i need to read it again.
I really gotta stop blogging when I am in an unstable state. I wrote this joint yesterday and then scheduled it for this morning.
Me and Semipro had another pow wow last night... but this time it ended with me smiling. I feel like he opened up to me a bit in his own way and I realized that was all I really wanted from him.
So re-reading this post this morning, now makes absolutely no sense to me anymore. Yeah, I am truly crazy
@ one soulful negro "you might want to communicate exactly how you feel"
excuse me, that is the damn hard part. if me and him could do that this post would have never come about. Last night we talked long and hard about how much we are alike in regards to relationships. and if 2 people together are never going to make the first move in telling the other how they feel, they are never going to get anywhere, I told him I liked him because he is challenging me, to date a different way. I am so used to not having to do anything, to always have the power to deal with a nig when I want, and when I don't I won't. So I am enjoying the challenge that Semipro brings but then again it pisses me the hell off because I am now getting a taste of my own medicine and no how it feel to be nonchalant about a situation (like past men have felt about me) and its messing with my ego a bit.
I even told him last night that I didn't even know if I really liked him anymore. That is has really turned into this task that I want to conquer and break him down more than us getting closer. And for some strange reason he said that ish turned him on... go figure...lol
@ the old me - OMG, I feel you on so many levels... I am at that point now where I am kinda regretting being "one of the guys"
@JB - ha... i like the way you put it , and you definitely get it and don't have to read it again... I Am CRAZY...lol!
I personally, for a woman, don't see anything wrong with wanting to date CANDIDATES that want you more than you want them.... it makes for a desperate girl otherwise!! as far as player cards an the such I tend to advice chicks to do a bit more of that because it gives us perspective and keeps dude firmly in focus, none of that "he got no faults"-hazy lights shit... I'd say do that until YOU want a relationship, when you do that , however, be prepared for some talk time about expectations and walls and all that other complicated shit that no one likes to deal with... in the mean time, date like a guy would!
I feel you on having the ball in my court. I'm so nonchalant almost every dude tells me I'm hard to figure out.
Let him go Eb..Semipro will probably stay single..He's not ready...
I don't think your crazy..You just have an oversized ego " so I can make him fall in love with me in order to propose" says it right there.
Listen to this old gangsta because I'm probably older than most of these cats..Men don't want to date a woman who behaves like a man..Not saying that you do but to say you date like one. You can think it but don't ever say it to a guy.
Men need to feel like men in a relationship. The fact that you're so cool and you watch sports is fantastic but don't let them know that until after you've made them work a little..If you act like you don't need to be wined and dined then they won't. You're lowering the bar for yourself by making it too easy for these boys calling themselves men.
Stop playing guessing games. If you like a dude let him know right away. The worst he could say is "I'm not feeling you." That ain't gonna kill you..If you keep playing the lets just kick it and see game. Eventually your psyche will be looking to dig your self a ditch to lay down in...
Now the biggest misnomer out there is that a woman can make a man commit..Not so.. He's already decided before meeting you. So in other words women just happen to be in the right place and the right time.
Take your time Eb love will eventually find you. Can't force or put a timetable on it...
LOVE this post!
...a chick that knows she's crazy is so much better than the one that doesn't know right?
HILARIOUS!!
All chicks are crazy! Even the ones that claim not to be...or in your words, don't know it! We all have our downfalls...or upfalls, however you choose to see it! =)
I think thats what so hard about dating...you know having a wall up, wanting to have the person like you more than you like them, so that way you have the upper hand, you control the tempo... sometimes its hard to know what you want when what you want sometimes dont make logical sense....idk if Im making sense here but I feel you Eb.
What made me turn in my player card is when I found the person that I couldn't out the wall up with, he made it easy to just be me.....
hey, im back... had to restart the blog, bug anyways...
i know the feeling dude is having...lol. you know im a bull as well and talking about having no idea what to do... i'll try to sit and listen to a girl in distress, emotional breakdowns, etc. and try to say some comforting words. ive dated one other taurus and things were awsome, but it does take work. if we didnt try, both being stubborn, we just would talk. and thats not good. so as long as yall are talking, keep it up. lol.
OK Eb, since we're having real talk, Taurus to Taurus, as much as you and I hate to admit it, we're a lot more sensitive than we let on.
Put it this way, we're more sensitive than guys but less sensitive than the average female.
You're pissed in this situation because you're letting your guard down and you're not sure if it's too soon.
As Taureans, we like to think we're complicated but we really aren't. We just want what we want when we want it. There's nothing complicated about that.
The complication comes when we can't control the outcome. We're bull-headed because we want things to go the way we want them to because we're almost always right about the set-up and the outcome.
Ultimately, we get what we want, sometimes it's too late and by that time, something else has caught our attention and we don't care about it anymore.
Another thing about Taureans, a lot of things in life come easy to us and when they don't, we don't want anything to do with it.
Well, that's me anyway. Most Taureans I know tend to function like this. We feel the whole gamut of emotions but try to get us to admit it.
We're a lot like Cancers but we don't spend too much time brooding or crying about the situation because we're too busy trying to affect the outcome.
That's just my $.02.
Smarty Jones, you hit the nail on the head. I was reading your post like, "man she's talking about me"...I'm a fellow Taurus :). Plain and simple "we want what we want when we want it", I was just talking to my bestie about this the other night.
My best advice is say what you feel, exactly how you feel it. I'm realizing that I'm 25 now and I can't play the games anymore and wanting him to want me more than I want him. He's either gonna want you or not. That's the way love goes.
"I found the person that I couldn't put the wall up with, he made it easy to just be me....."
*hi fives Jweezy*
that's what's up! you gotta be able to be yourself to be truly happy!
EB-LOL, is all i can say:)
@ Slish- I am so glad you are back in the blog world. I so needed to hear that... even though part of me doesn't want to hear it... I really did need to hear it... But dang Slish... why I gotta let him go... I am having fun...lol! I think letting him go is a little premature considering I think we have gotten as close as we possibly could not being in the same city for the past 6 months... I have to wait until he's back here next week and see how the rest of the summer goes actually being in the same city before I just plain let him go and come to the conclusion that he aint ready...if I decide to be ready. But thanks for the advice.
@Smarty - Now why the heck you gotta go and tell all my business! LOL!
I couldn't finish reading your post, not because it wasn't interesting, but because there were too many thoughts running through my head.
Can you please just tell Semipro the truth, that you want him as your man? I've always wondered that had I just been honest with the man, where would we be. I know you told him you didn't want labels, but you probably do want "The Title"
Also, still answer the calls from the other dudes. You can cut them off when you get that ring on your finger.
Amen to Mr. Slish...he got it right! It seems as if everything has been said so no need for me to regurgitate.
Take a risk Eb, and see where it goes with Semipro. Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
I feel you and I'm not even a taurus! I was hoping for some more man insight but from what I've read...Mr. Slish gave the most real advice so far!
I think you're far from crazy. I think you're still finding yourself and that's just fine. Don't rush it; let it happen as it must and it will be great.
I know you wanted to hear from the guys on the player comment but let me chime in for the ladies: I never considered myself a player per se, but I did got through a "shawty let me see you get loose period". What made me finally slow down was that I met someone who was just as wild as me and able to keep up. Granted we both didn't want relationships but it seems to have evolved into a unlabelled one in which now we're having a child together yet we're not together. Feel me?
I'll expound on this more in my blog because i was thinking about this very topic as I driving back to work this afternoon.
Keep doing you Eb. Your man will walk into your life when you least expect it.
Also, I have to agree 1000% with Slish. One thing that's been consistent with ALL of my relationships is that they continue to treat you how you FIRST presented yourself. If you fucked the first night, no matter what you say, they're going to treat you like a jump off. If you say you don't need to be wined and dined, then they sho won't do it.
Now take the polar opposites of these characteristics.
If you act inexperienced, their ego gets hurt when they find out you a freak. If you require PF Chang's and won't except Hung Phat Lo's takeout then you high maintenance.
So, pretty much you end up hoping to meet that man who has it set in his mind that what he wants is a serious relationship. You can't create this man, but you never know. This is why it's so important to be honest and cut the bullshit upfront. Four years is not a whole lot of time so minimize the games.
Use these words with confidence, you don't even have to wait for a response. Just say.
"You know, I'm not ashamed to admit that I need a man in my life." If these words scare him away, then you don't want him no way.
Trust me homey, ya do need a man in your life.
LOL. Women are complex creatures. But I think you want to have your cake and eat it too--but at least you recognize it. You don't want anything serious, but you want him to want more.
we are what we are
u acknowledge your sensitivity
quality of a true writer
My brother just turned in his player card. He's 29 and ready to marry this woman he deemed "The One." LOL. I don't know why---he tried explaining it. They just know when the time is right I suppose. :*)
Man, Mr. Slish just laid down some serious, SERIOUS real talk.
In my case, I don't think I had a player card to begin with, but I considering I'm off to a really slow start in the game, my hope is dating will wear on me sooner rather than later and I can start seriously pursuing a woman to spend the rest of my life wife. However, I have just a few goals and fantasies I want to live out before that day comes.
side-eye to "needing" a man in your life. I don't agree with that much. A man should be a complement to your life, not a need. IMHO...
I can appreciate how honest you were in this post, Eb, but I think you should really look at what Slish said. Especially the part about not making a man turn in his playa card. No woman can make a man do anything. Period.
Good luck with this...I'm pulling for yall.
Now the biggest misnomer out there is that a woman can make a man commit..Not so.. He's already decided before meeting you.
Brilliant.
That's the way it happened for me. I just plain got tired of the game. I was ready to settle down. When I moved to the STL I was engaged, but my fiance' at the time was tripping about moving to the midwest despite being engaged. Mind you, we had been together 7yrs on and off. That may have had something to do with it, but anyway I just told her to keep the ring and I kept it moving. Even after that, I was still looking to settle down.
Only a weak dude is going to be p-whipped into making a commitment. It's got to be something he's open to, plain and simple.
As for you being crazy, it just seems you play the cool role because it's safe to do so. It keeps you in charge of your emotions. You get to choose. I would advise that you should let loose some of your controlling tendancies and fall INTO love. Sometimes trying to control a fall only gets your hurt more than you would have in the first place.
But as Slish says, Semipro does sound like he likes this arrangement too much. It allows him to have his cake and eat it too. If he says he just wants to kick it, chances are thats all it will be. In my experience, both with my former fiance and my wife, I knew off top I wanted to go all the way. The only thing they could do was change my mind for the worse. All the girls before them, while I may have been fond of some of them, I pretty much knew it was something to enjoy for the moment.
I know how you feel girl.
Like you, I like to stay at home but every once in a while I want to go out. Yet, every man I deal with doesn't want to be extra because of him being cheap.
Low maintenance to them for some reason is synonymous with they do little as possible.
All I know is that being the females we are, we need to start being main characters instead of the best friend. I heard that somewhere. In order for us to start taking the starring role instead of the supporting, we need to be more assertive in them not getting comfortable with the sports watching partner and make them see the Renaissance Black women we are.
I think you ARE crazy...but that's b/c I know you! LOL
Seriously, I think you like him...maybe more than you think that you do. You're hesitant to take the next step and all that comes with it. And that's cool. Take your time. And don't be committed to that date...it might happen sooner than you think!
good post
oooo girl. we date just the same. all manly and whatnot. the only difference is (as far as i can tell). i can be somewhat aloof and won't open up. but once my guard is down i got all extra emotional and shit and it will never stop. i know i'm a nutjob sometimes dammit. but i can relate. the good outweighs the crazy in me. lol.
u and semipro sound like the cutest, perfect match. once the guards are down i'm sure you'll get ya winter 2011 proposal.
btw. i was lol'ing like crazy at the fact that you have this timeline for ya wedding. you are crazy hun!
i totally dig you on the 'complex simplicities'. even though i am cool on the couch with a brew - make me feel special, chill my glass or something, lol.
lol its ok you didnt want to answer. I was just curious to see what you thought it about it.
anyways, LOL this does kind of remind me of a high school crush. I think you should try to think of semi pro as someone you may want to make it seriously with.
he may be worth settling down for..once u too get over the stubborness that is
oh and i really love your playlist!!!
Sounds like you subconsciously date like a dude to protect YOU. Sometimes you do what you gotta do, but other times being honest with yourself and your feelings will save you in the long run. Never know where it can take you.
Okay, first I see you as being uncomplicated and complicated all in one complexed mess. LOL.
Second, why come a older dude can't have braids if he want them? Why it gotta be an young thing?
Third, I never had a playa's card so never had to turn one in. Is that sad or have I always just been hella mature for my age?
@realhustla- what makes you think that is the truth...lol; deep down (like way in the pits that you couldn't find unless you completely cleaned house) maybe... but I have to see how the summer goes first
@Rich - Letting loose is easier said than done. But I do like the sound of Falling INTO love...
@kyle- you dont know me maaaaaaaaan...lol but maybe what you said is true... and I like that date and dont want it to happen sooner...lol
@1/3 - I think he did it and got off because he paid everyone off... the reason the trial got delayed so many times because he needed to put out a couple albums to pay for all the people he had to shut up... but as a writer, producer and artist... he is a genious.
also - I am ready to settle down... I just have an ego thing about being the one to initiate it. I want my future man to pursue me and tell me he wants to wife me up first, and not me having to tell him all my feelings and have him tell me whether or not he agrees... and I feel like if me and semipro do get to that point... we are both too bullheaded to ever tell each other first so it will never get taken there unless i make the first step when that time comes.
@one man - braids are so NOT in. Even my lil boo Trey Songz cut his hair. No man over 25 should have braids... point blank.
We've talked about this and I still don't get it. Just relax and enjoy yourself. Over analyzing and putting way too much pressure on the situation.
If you aren't happy because he's not sweating you the way you want him to then date somebody else.
I seem to remember that he wasn't the #1 draft pick anyway.
@krush - i dont want him to sweat me per se... and things change... he's the #1 draft pick right now...lol
the others I aint feelin' no kinda way
I know you wanted the dudes to way in and I think those that have already hit the nail on the head,Slish hit it the hardest!
It sounds to me that the issue with you and love is control. Love is the one thing we can't control, its one of those things that sneaks up on you a B-Slaps you!
In order for you and Semi-pro to go any further you are both going to have to let down the wall. Fear us the Cause Control is a effect.
The true test will be once he is here and in your face all the time, then you will know and follow your heart when it speaks to you.
I've been in a relationship with my hubby for 17 years(married 5) and its true that its designed from day one, so no matter what you do you can't control it.
I just wanna thank Slish for that! Hope u don't mind Bruh - I will be using that for a post! That was TRUE BRILLIANCE!! I may even FRAME THAT!!
@The_Slishness
Thanks for the 411, I have had a few issues explaining a few of your pointers to me girl…
@RealHustla
Also you do have some ish worth listening to over a drink or two sometime
@Jweezy
WORD>>>
Haven’t used “word” in a little while…
@Eb
The time I realized I had to stop chasing after them skirts was 3 years after Uni Eb…
I realized that my mind wanted stability, and also a girl who would make me work for it, and not coz she has a dope a**, but very intelligent convo, plus a forward looking head….
That and the fact that I had been through a very weird sorta romance, with someone who I thought I had flipped for…
Made me smell a lotta coffee…
-B2B-
girl... I a friend of mine just had to slap some truth into me yesterday, and I'm gonna pass it on to you now-
a relationship is not about having the upper hand [or as you wrote, being in control]...
now he didn't say just how EXACTLY to let go of that need to have the upper hand, but when he was handing out that little nugget he was kinda yellin' at my jaded ass so I didn't want to ask LOL
i gotta say... Slish hit it on the head... he's pretty much speaking my adult life story with the "If you keep playing the lets just kick it and see game. Eventually your psyche will be looking to dig your self a ditch to lay down in..."
and EB... i share so many of the same issues that u spoke on which leads me to lean in the direction of it being a TAURUS thing and not really a male/female thing...
wish i could help but ive been givin' my damn self bad advice lately sooooo...
Ahhh Slish is sepaking truth to power! Listen.
There is only Love or FEAR. The opposite of love is not hate. Hate denotes an aemotion. Fear is the opposite of love. Whe you are no longer fearful...love will find a way to take root. You have to say in your heart that love is what you want and then act accordingly. Act in an authentic way. Love is already with you and for you and through you. You just have to recognize it. Be still. Let love grow you in ways that will bring you the greatest and sweetest of joys.
Dang! Since it seems everybody said pretty much all that needed to be said, ane I am comment #50, I won't beat a dead horse. But handle ya bidness Eb! Control issues and fear kill relationships all the time!
You need to let them know... just because you date like a dude, you are still all woman. And just because you want to sit home & watch the game, you still want to dress up & go out every now & then. There's two sides to a dime, let'em know.
I love this post! Funny how it's mostly centered around you just wanting to be WANTED MORE by the man that you are digging now, because I have been told by several wise and married souls that the man you marry will love you just THIS MUCH more than you love him. That's not to say that a woman won't be head over heels in love with her husband, but I think it goes along with what you felt inside when wanting to at least feel like "Semipro" wanted you to be is girl, even though you aren't trying to be. It's like it would've solidified your upper hand in things and make you feel special the way us women like to feel...no matter how TOUGH we are :)
You aren't really crazy. I think most women think like you. Trust God, I'm sure we'll be reading the blog post on May 4, 2012 of you talking about how excited you are for the next day, your wedding day....Then again on second thought, let life happen because they say if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans!
Enjoyed the read!
I'm in/was in lol(depending on the day) a similar situation..just cuz i watched the nba finals with u dont mean i dont wanna get cute up and get a nice meal/sumthin. I can be low maintainance as well but thats how guys get comfortable and they 4get that just cuz i am like that dont mean it relieves them from puttin in effort and havin sum chivalry!!!
I also dont like when I'm not havin the upper hand in a relationship/whatevr. *sigh*
And I have been told i date like a dude..and i say this as well cuz sumtimes its tru. Tryin to learn how to find a balance.
We have similarities..feelin u on this post!
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